Pot Luck?

[Andi]

Quote:

Originally Posted by hoyt75 No offense taken Tammy. The way I see it, I've already offended plenty of people by doing a dw and then deciding to have our ahr at a brewery, so tickin' off a few more isn't a big deal. We don't really care what people think about us or what they're going to say. People will talk regardless of what happens. I think their are plenty of us out there at use the term ahr loosely, ranging from full blown fancy reception to backyard bbq with family and friends. I agree with everyone else tho - if you're going to have a big ahr and want to be more formal then it's not right to stick the food cost on your guests. In our situation we're still paying for all the food, we just asked a handful of people to make the dishes that they're well known for. Example, we have a close family friend that makes the best brisket we've ever had. We asked before hand if he would be willing to cook if we were willing to pay for the food, and he said okay. But, he does this kind of stuff all the time for lots of people, so it probably wasn't a big deal to him. My point is that you do whatever makes you feel comfortable, regardless of what your family, friends or bdw thinks. Nobody said you had to follow the 'rules'.

Wow I honestly couldn't have said this better.

Like you Hoyt, we too offended a lot of people by having a DW in the first place but guess what, we didn't care, it was our wedding and our day and quite honestly we do not care about what people think of us or say (behind our backs or not) about our decisions. AHR was a term used VERY loosely for us as well.

To each your own, I think everyone should do what is most comfortable for your own situation. For us it was a potluck, and if given the chance again I wouldn't change a thing about our wedding or AHR.

[Eadon216]

Ok maybe I did interpret AHR a little differently than some people. Our "fancy/formal" reception will be at the resort. The party at home is just that - a party.

 

Like Hoyt75, we don't care if people are ticked off about not coming to the DW. They'll be invited to our informal celebration party.

 

However I do think our invitation (which won't be formal looking) will say something like "there will be plenty of food, but if you're welcome to bring a favorite summertime dish to share"

[peterpanpixiedust]

After reading all of these I would say it's kinda hard to make up your mind. I would mostly agree with the people who say it's not tacky (as long as you know your family/friends). I have family who live on a lake and they can rent out the beach. So, when I brought up the idea to them about having a beach party when we get back, they suggested potluck. (So I feel that it is ok for me, because my family was already on board).

Then, FI and I were throwing the idea around of a "party" when we get back to ease the blow of the DW to his family. Now his family (or at least his mom), is a little different. She cares immensely what people think of her. I don't want her to feel uncomfortable, so what we are probably going to do is have two separate parties. We will probably cater at his parents for a backyard bash for his side (but definitely informal... think fried chicken, or maybe even the barbecue idea, but I am sure his mom wants to make dessert... it's her thing), then we will do the potluck beach shindig for my side (but only the people who offer to. And I know once the word gets around more people on my side will offer to. I don't think we will out right ask anyone), and we will bring food too. And we will definitely provide the alcohol for both sides. Our idea is a little time consuming, but as long as you don't mind more parties ... :-) (notice I called it a party, not a AHR) Now, that's what works for us. Some of you said it's just not the norm for you, and that's fine too! :-)

 

But whatever decision you make... and I side with Andi and Hoyt on the "offending people issue" here... People shouldn't be taking these things personal, it's not about them. I won't say that I don't care what they think, because I love them and care deeply, but you just can't accommodate everyone and have any sanity left. You have to do what you can and deal with what you can't. I can't speak for all families and friends, but I know how mine works. And I have been to plenty of parties for them and have NEVER heard anyone talk smack about the hosts, no matter what they did. It is just not something a good friend would do (maybe those distant cousins and batty old aunts). Friends are your friends for a reason, they are supposed to be understanding. And if you are invited to a potluck and can't bring something, don't. People will understand. If it bothers you to the point that you need to talk behind their back (especially at their party), then you don't have to go (because then you obviously aren't even enjoying yourself). Remember Little House on the Prairie, when back in the day everyone brought food to parties? Why can't it be like that anymore? It was all about the moment, the people, the emotions, having a good time, laughing. It wasn't about what was proper (unless you were Mrs. Oleson). Pa could whip out the fiddle and we all can just dance the night away, haha!

 

...wow, sorry for the novel...

[goodtoglow]

I don't think it is "tacky" but I do agree with those who say that they would find it very odd to receive an invite to a potluck reception.....

I don't plan on having a potluck reception, but I am going to ask close family and friends to help us out by making some things. CLOSE family and friends, ie. parents, siblings, my aunts and the bridal party. My mom and I will likely make the majority of the things the week leading up to it, but having my bridesmaid bring her signature dip, my FMIL bring her famous casear salad, my aunt make her cheese ball, and my other aunt bake some delicious sweets would mean the world to us, not to mention no party is complete without those items! I definitely will not be asking "regular" guests to bring things though.

[jenninjamaica]

I have to say I am surprised at how many people think this is tacky. But maybe that is just because both my family and my husbands do all family activities as pot-lucks. When we were deciding what kind of AHR (and I use this term loosely), it just seemed right to have a PotLuck BBQ. Our parents were nice enough to take care of the Burgers/Smokies/Condiments and then everyone else brought drinks, sides and desserts. It was a very casual party with 50 of our closest friends and family and exactly what we wanted. We made it clear that people didn't HAVE to bring anything. All we wanted was their company, but we are lucky enough to have so many people in our lives willing to help out. The contributions were amazing and there was way too much good food. The best part was that I didn't have to stress about anything.

 

I think if it works for you and your family, do it. But if you are planning a typical fancy AHR, you might get some flack. But in the end its your day, do what you want!!

 

*JENN*

[Dreams2010]

There is seriously a thread for EVERYTHING on this site! And I am happy there is We've been back and forth on this issue too and I have come to find that no matter what you do you are not going to be able to please everyone. Before we decided on a DW people were complaining about the location of the reception. Once we changed our plans and opted for the DW people were complaining about the date we chose. I have decided that it is my wedding and from now on I will be aiming to please myself and my husband to be FIRST. And then worry about everyone else.

 

Whatever you decide, potluck or not, don't worry so much about everyone else. Just make it optional that they bring something...most people love to bring something to a potluck, they like to help and feel part of the event. Remember it's your special day.

[Amiep603]

you should feed your guests!

[Vettiebean]

I think something important to remember is that we all have a different idea of what our AHR will be like and what we want from it. No two will be the exactly the same, so the "general rules" don't apply to everything. Really depends on the situation, everything from culture to time of day to time of year to number of guests... you name it. For example, if you are having a very casual event, and it would basically be just like any other Sunday bbq with family and friends, except with some extra cupcakes and cheers, then by all means, bringing side dishes to the host's event is normal. However, if you plan on having something more formal, I wouldn't suggest asking guests to bring food. It's totally different if, like Hoyt, you are only asking a FEW, VERY CLOSE guests to assist in making the food, but you still pay for everything. This, to me, is still considered providing the food for your guests, not a pot luck and not asking people to bring things necessarily (they're not losing money, just giving time). And, I still suggest that for more informal affairs.

 

If you're worried about costs, I recommend either cutting the guest list or having a very informal affair. I had to make a lot of tough decisions to stay within budget and compromise a few things I wanted, but I knew what was important to me and what I HAD to have. There are ways to cut costs, for sure. 

 

In my case, my parents aren't going to my DW, but I'd like to do something special for them. I'll be the first daughter to have a wedding ceremony (another eloped, two are single), so I'm opting to have a very nice lunch in a private room at a local steakhouse. Lunch is cheaper than dinner, and it's still an opportunity to get sorta dressed up and celebrate. Private event/room, cake provided, sit down meal, just cheaper and during the day instead of at night. 

 

It's all personal preference, too. My FI wanted to have a very informal party, as in... let's all go somewhere and treat it exactly like a bday party, more like just going out for drinks. I was totally against this. I just personally feel I should provide the food and drinks for events like these. 

 

[Eadon216]

Well in the end we opted for catering. But only because my mom found a little extra cash. So she was kind enough to offer it to us. For a while we were trying to find creative ways to feed our guests and this really saved us. It'll still be buffet style though. And we're still doing cupcakes. In fact we just has our tastings last week! 

[Vettiebean]

Sounds like a fantastic solution! That's so, so sweet of your mom to do that for you. No one is helping us with well... anything! lol. But it's alright. It just means all the saving we do now is for something great in our future. Let us know how the tasting goes! 

Originally Posted by Eadon216 

Well in the end we opted for catering. But only because my mom found a little extra cash. So she was kind enough to offer it to us. For a while we were trying to find creative ways to feed our guests and this really saved us. It'll still be buffet style though. And we're still doing cupcakes. In fact we just has our tastings last week!