Pot Luck?

I have to agree, a pot luck is a bad idea for a reception. You can keep it simple with that idea but provide the food and drink. We plan on having a backyard BBQ for our AHR because I really didn't want one and just want to keep it simple, and my mom, FMIL, sister and I are making all the food, and FI and his brothers are in charge of drinks. We're doing this in my parents backyard with a tent a few tables and chairs and setting up the sound system.

Our goal is to keep it simple and casual. Just like a family/friends gathering. But I certainly don't want people to think poorly of us! I'm fine with catering it ourselves. I just have to convince some other interested parties

Wow those are some harsh comments.... I think if you're having a casual ahr, and you're a pretty close group of people that a potluck okay. Instead of asking everyone to bring a dish, maybe you can just ask a few people to bring something that they're really good at making, like Aunt Betty's pecan pie and mom's potatoe salad, or something like that.

 

I'll be Mrs. Unpopular and say that I DONT think it's tacky. It just has to be done in the correct manner.

 

We're having our 'ahr' at a brewery and we have designated a few people to bring certain dishes that they're well known for. 1) it's a casual event 2) we're a very very close group of family and friends 3) their will still be about 100-170 people 4) we are paying and reimbursing for the food, they just have to cook it. We don't really consider it a 'wedding reception' it's more like a party with 150 of our closest family and friends.

I also think it's fine if it's a small group or just family & close friends. I definitely wouldn't do it if your'e thinking 400 full out reception. A lot of the close family/friends would probably offer to help regardless. But I do like hoyt75's idea of asking a small number of close relatives to bring something. I had considered doing an outside dessert reception and asking family members to each bring a dessert - I didn't think a thing of it.

 

But I ended up deciding to go with a catered AHR. We are doing appetizers and cake (7:30pm reception). It cuts costs and it encourages more of a social atmostophere than a seated dinner.. something like this might be an option to cut costs? But I also like the ideas of BBQs and dessert receptions

Wow I guess I am in the minority on this one like Hoyt75.

 

I had a BBQ/Potluck AHR and it was just fine. We provided the main BBQ meats, hamburgers, hot dogs and steaks and then my dad manned the grill and BBQ'ed it all up. We then said in our invites that it was going to be a VERY informal celebration of our recent marriage and each invite had a small card in it suggesting that they either bring a side, drink, or dessert. My family is pretty close anyway and even at holiday functions, it always turns into a potluck type of thing so this was just on a bit larger scale.

 

Unlike the people who think it is "tacky", I am on the other end of the spectrum, if it is planned to be an informal event then I say go for it. Now on the other hand if it is going to be a more formal event then it probably isn't something you would want to do.

that is very different than having a reception and expecting all the guests to bring a dish to share...i'm sorry but i stand by my first comment that it is very tacky.

as trish said, people may go to your reception and say to your face that it was no bother but i am sure most people will be talking about it for awhile about the reception that they attended that was a potluck.

note: when i say "you" i don't mean you hoyt because what you did is not a potluck...you asked friends to help with specific parts of your reception and even reimbursed them to help.

I have to agree with those who voted "tacky."

 

I have a friend who invites me on occasion and after I say that I'm free, she'll throw in a "by the way, can you bring xxxx?" I have a few things that I make as "bring a dish" foods that are really yummy, but they're also really time consuming and often expensive to make. On times when I've been invited over and I have the time and budget for it, I will ask my host "Would you like me to bring anything?" But it's tacky to ask someone to be your guest to your party and then ask them to supply refreshments for your party.

No offense taken Tammy. The way I see it, I've already offended plenty of people by doing a dw and then deciding to have our ahr at a brewery, so tickin' off a few more isn't a big deal. We don't really care what people think about us or what they're going to say. People will talk regardless of what happens.

 

I think their are plenty of us out there at use the term ahr loosely, ranging from full blown fancy reception to backyard bbq with family and friends.

 

I agree with everyone else tho - if you're going to have a big ahr and want to be more formal then it's not right to stick the food cost on your guests. In our situation we're still paying for all the food, we just asked a handful of people to make the dishes that they're well known for. Example, we have a close family friend that makes the best brisket we've ever had. We asked before hand if he would be willing to cook if we were willing to pay for the food, and he said okay. But, he does this kind of stuff all the time for lots of people, so it probably wasn't a big deal to him.

 

My point is that you do whatever makes you feel comfortable, regardless of what your family, friends or bdw thinks. Nobody said you had to follow the 'rules'.

As a different point of view, I remember reading before that potlucks for receptions are more common in the South. I'm from the North, so potlucks aren't the norm here. I found it hysterical that my DH thought the idea of giving cash as a wedding present was extremely tacky because that's not what you do where he's from, but where I'm from, it's definitely the norm.

Potluck sounds great to me-I just shared what WE were doing. Actually what my FMIL is doing-lol.