Off Your Chest

Kelly, how are you feeling? I know how much it sucks to lose someone you love. The pain never goes away. Hopefully that pain will get easier to deal with though. We're all here for you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dragonfly Dear Dad~   Happy Birthday, I wish you were here so we could celebrate, I can't believe you have been gone for a year already, I miss you so much. I can't seem to get my act together life is just so damn lonely without you in it. The kids miss you so very much, Kenda misses her "how's my lil princess", moments with you, and Nicole is missing her book buddy. Timothy tries so hard to take care of his gramma, you would be proud, he cuts her grass takes out her garbage and calls her everyday. Liam well he is growing everyday and I fight to keep the memory of you alive.   I thought I knew how much you did for all of us, but I guess I never really knew the extent. It is so much work taking care of Nicole without your help, juggling the kids and hospital visits, and therapy without grampa picking up the slack has been difficult. Your steady resolve that Nicole will get better has left me, I need to hear your reassuring voice that all will work out.   I got married without you, it was hard, it was beautiful but you were really missed. Timothy is getting confrmed, he doesn't want to without his grampa by his side like all your other grandchilden had you, not sure how to handle this one. Our house is beautiful, thankyou for all your hard work you put in to it in the planning stages, I'm sorry you never got to see it.   I'm sorry about many things, I am sorry that the cancer was missed because you were so wrapped up in what I needed from you in regards to Nicole. I'm sorry that when I noticed you were tired, I thought it was because you were taking care of my kids, plus driving to sick kids everyday to make sure I had dinner, and Nicole was doing okay. I am sorry that the last year of your life were spent worrying about us. I am sorry you cancelled your cruise with mom because you didn't want to leave us while Nicole was so sick, and I am sorry that mom is now on a cruise with a new man that she has met. I am sorry we didn't make it to Ireland, I will go one day in your memory, I promise. I am sorry that no longer believe in God, I know how important he was to you, and maybe then your death would be easier. I am sorry that I have not been the strong person you raised me to be lately, I keep trying but life just keeps pushing me down. I am sorry that I went to get coffee and you died without me by your side.   Dad I would have made a birthday dinner for you, as I always did we would have sat around the table drinking red wine, talking politics(no one wants to do that with me) enjoying the friendship that I was lucky enough to have with you in adulthood. I don't fit in in our family anymore, I try, mom tries, Cathie tries, and Sean tries but we all know that it was you and I that were bound to each other and no one quite understands me. We will keep trying Dad because once we stop we will lose what you were all about, your family.   I am heading to the cemetary in the morning, I hope I have yet to make it inside the gates, but I am going to give it a try, Liam baked cupcakes and wants to picnic, we'll see.   Dad I love you, I miss you, Kelly~

Dear BDW,

I've been away for a few days..but it fells really good to be back! I've missed you!

Dear Kelly,

I'm not sure when you posted but I wish I could give you a big hug!

Dear self,

Way to go finally finishing your STDs....I'm proud of you! now you actually have to go through with the wedding...haha! Good Job getting your fat @ss back in the gym this week, b/c the marathon is not just going to run itself!

Dear newly engaged coworker,

Honestly, is it necessary to be runing around SHOVING your ring in everyone's faces?? I know you don't like me, yet try to be me. I understand your copying of EVERYTHING I do, but seriously, it's annoying. You JUST got engaged 2 days ago. WHY OH WHY did you start asking everyone BUT ME what day my wedding is on b/c you guys are planning the same weekend? Enjoy being engaged for a day BEFORE you start planning the same exact day! Oh and by the way, it doesn't matter what day it is on b/c we are NOT inviting the same people, I DON'T care if you happen to be planning a DW as well. I just told you last week my date, you get engaged 2 days later, and now you want the same weekend? Geez...

Dear self,

You better be careful, she may end up joing this BDW and reading this...Oops!

Dear Kelly,

Your post made me cry. My dad and I are so close and also share a very special bond. I can't imagine losing him. I don't even want to think about that. I know your dad can see your heart and can see how you feel. Like Maria said, he does live on- through you. And although you couldn't make it to the cemetary, it's ok. He understands and he can see you and know you care anyway. His body is in the cemetary, but his spirit lives on in you. I'm sure he is smiling in heaven and is proud of you.

Dear brother,

I'm so glad you came home this weekend before moving to your new base in Kansas. I'm so glad that dad decided we all needed to go to the airport to greet you. It was great to see your look of surprise at our big group. I'm sorry I spent the whole weekend randomly crying. But, it really helped me feel less crazy to see you wiping tears every now and again too. I'm so proud of you. We've always been close, and as we get older and our lives change it only seems to bring us closer. I'm so lucky to have you, it's funny that after all these years we are still so similar. I laughed out loud when I got in your car yesterday and you were playing the same CD I'd been listening to all the way up north and have the same three favorite songs. I'm so proud of the man you have become, of your service to your country, of your pride in your job, of your beautiful wife, of your daughter that I love more than life. Through our struggles over the years we have become stronger and you've helped me through so much- you're the best brother, not to mention the best friend a sister could ask for. Drive safe, call as soon as you get there. You're only 14 hours away, so you know I'll come visit soon. Oh yeah, and as soon as Christina gets her next ultrasound you better call quick- I can't wait to find out if it's a boy or a girl! I have a feeling it's a boy. That would make Ava three years older than her little brother- it would be exactly like you and I, and I think that would be perfect.

Dear Dad,

Why do I think about you at the most random times? I was walking through AC Moore today looking for freaking ribbon and thought "I wish dad was here, he would help so much with this stuff", then I couldn't stop thinking about you and had to hurry and leave the store before I had a breakdown in the aisle! You were so creative and good at this sort of DIY stuff that I'm struggling with now. God, I wish you were here to help me.

I've been keeping myself so crazy busy (new job, new house, wedding, reunion, etc etc etc), so I don't have to think of how much I miss you. But at the most random moments, I miss you so much I can't stand it.

I love you,

Lizz

P.S. Thanks BDW forum for having this thread, so I can get this all out and cry for the first time in weeks.

Dear Fires:

Please stop, the smoke is killing me. I literally couldn't breath when walking from School office to my car the other day. Please don't hurt anymore people.

Dear kids in this class: Please learn to behave, though I'm letting the student teacher teach right now doesn't mean you can ignore her and monkey around. I'm still watching you.

Is it almost 3:05 yet?

Ohh Kelly your post made me cry a lot.. I'm still crying in fact.. I can't imagine life without my parents either..

I know your dad is inside your heart.. tell that to your children and they might feel a little bit better..

Dear BDW girls,

you are all amazing and so supportive of each other.

Kelly and Lizz,

I am so sorry for the loss of your dads. It is just in recent years I have come to appreciate my dad and I cannot imagine going through losing him. You are very brave.

Dear Sister,

How in the world did you carry a 10lb baby...you are my hero.

Dear morning sickness,

who named you that-you do not go away at noon-and you suck!

Dear fires in So-Cal,

please do not burn down my mom's house, she just bought it.

Dear students,

NO you may NOT turn in your late work, I already gave you a deadline and it has passed. Too bad, you are seniors and will be going to college in less than a year, when will you stop needing your hand to be held.

Dear Husband,

You will find a job, it will all work out. I promise.

Dear Christine's so-called Morning Sickness,

Please go away so my friend Christine can appropriately support her DH in his job quest, be a good aunt to Jackson, help her mom through this stressful time, and deal with stupid seniors who still don't know their a$$ from a hole in the ground. Don't you think she's got enough on her plate? I think she deserves a nausea-free pregnancy