Destination Weddings and Disappointment

[Branya2012]

Wow, Congrats on your wedding and thanks for writing from your hotel room/honeymoon!

 

We have gotten every excuse under the sun (when a simple, it's not going to work for us would suffice) so it's great to hear that even though you went through what a lot of us brides are going through now, you had the perfect wedding!!! So glad to hear that everyone got along so well that you're even planning future trips! That's awesome!

 

Congrats again! And thanks a lot for the words of wisdom! I think that's a great stance to take...just tell the people that don't do that they really missed a great time. There are so many things that I know I want to say to people that have bad excuses for not going (like my future brother-in-law and his wife that refuse to leave their kids behind for a week to come to our wedding together, but three months after our wedding they are leaving their kids with his parents to spend a week in Vegas. How is that different?? I have no idea!), but just telling them that you had a great time and that they missed out is just perfect!

 

Cause it's true...everyone that doesn't go to all of our weddings, no matter the reason, is just missing out!!

 

Originally Posted by LPerry 

Ok, so since I started this thread, I feel I need to chime in since I just got married on Saturday. Yes, I'm typing this from my honeymoon hotel room. We ended up having 8 additional people with us, and I will tell you right now, it was PERFECT. We were able to spend time with each of our guests. We weren't wrapped up in trying to plan a million activities. I was able to buy great gifts for everyone who came (beach bags, swimsuit cover ups, and plastic insulated cups w/lids to use the entire trip) We had a simple, small wedding and small dinner at one of the restaurants. At one point my husband and I said, "Aren't you glad we didn't have more people here?" We had a perfect group - everyone got along. Everyone had a great time. And even better....we sparked new friendships between our guests who didn't know each other. The most important people were there. The funny thing is, they all kind of admitted they put off booking, but that they were so glad they came. On top of that....we all decided we're going to vacation again together b/c we had so much fun. Even my sister, who just had a baby, and had so much anxiety about coming had a wonderful time. She even said, "Now that I'm here - I just want to relax and help you and have a good time in Mexico"

 

The bottom line is, don't let it ruin your day or your destination wedding experience. Yes, it hurts your feelings when people say they're coming and they flake out. We had several people bail for "better vacation opportunities". It just really shows you who you are important to. I have solidified my relationships with the people who came here with me. Honestly, looking back on it, I wish I hadn't stressed so much. I was able to marry the sweetest, cutest man I know....and that moment up there with him was the whole reason I did this. Everything else was a beautiful extra. When it's all said and done....you just shrug your shoulders and say...."Wow, you really missed a great time" and it's their loss.

 

My best wishes go out to each of you as you continue to plan. I hope each of your days is as wonderful and filled with love as mine was.

 

XOXO

Lucy

[jordanb]

We're getting the same thing, and went out of our way to make it as easy and affordable as possible - we asked all our families and close friends if they could make the trip before we booked the resort, because having them there was the most important thing. Everyone said yes, then later, my FI's sister (who is also a bridesmaid) tried to bail, as did my grandmother. Part of the reason we picked a DW was because most of our family members are scattered across North America, so they'd have to fly and get a hotel anyway (we found that for most it was actually CHEAPER to go to MX than to travel to Denver where we live). On the other hand, our friends, who live in Denver and wouldn't have had to travel, are all so great and totally on board and excited.

 

We gave people 10 months to plan, picked a hotel group with three different all-inclusives at varying rates from a very affordable one ($99 pp per day ALL INCLUSIVE) to a five star one, so everyone had an option that should work for them. We also got a travel agent who found great dicounted rates on top of this and booked everything for guests (most people saved almost $700 off posted rates on airfare, hotel and airport transfer), and we picked a three day weekend so people wouldnt have to take as much time off. Still, lots of push-back from people who hadn't even looked into rates, etc. and already said they'd come before we made it official. Some of these are people whose weddings we have traveled across the country for in recent years.

 

I got a lot of the violence comments too, from people who are just ignorant about the geography of Mexico. I ended up putting a whole page on my wedding website dedicated to the myths and truths about the violence in Mexico. Now when I hear a snarky, uneducated comment like "why would we want to get married there?" I just direct them to the site and the facts. It has shut a couple people up. At the end of the day, I have used the guilt card on a few people who I know can afford it and I feel need to be there (like my FI's sister), and the rest, I just let go. Most of the people we really really want to be there are coming, and for the others, I say their loss (and if they aren't already married, maybe we will now not feel the need to make the effort to go to their out of town weddings either...)

 

Man does it feel good to vent to others who are experiencing the same thing!

[maridr2012]

Ladies, it doesnt matter if you give people even 3 YEARS of notice.  You will  have some that will jump thru hoops to attend, and others that will find every excuse in the book.  I was hurt for a long time about people who I really care about and have bent over backwards supporting them in every life decision they make, and they have completely bailed and flaked out.  I have 3 brothers - I'm the only girl, and we've all been very close.  The only 1 that is coming to my wedding is the oldest, and funny enough, he's the one who I thought prob wouldnt be able to make it  - he's got 4 kids, pays expensive child support and financially supports his kids even more than the court requires him to, plus he travels every 2 months to see them, and helps their mom out whenever she needs the $ - and he works 2 full time jobs to do this.  When I told him 18 months ago our DW plans, he never said, "oh..maybe, we'll see...", Nothing of the sort.  He looked me square in the eye and said, "I'll be there sis", but I still didn't believe it, until last night when I got an email from my travel agent asking if it was okay to add him into my group list and he had paid his room in full.  I cried because I was so happy and surprised.  My 2 other brothers on the other hand...never even called to say they can't make it.  One I knew would be a bust because he's got several personal demons he needs to work out..but the other one...he was supposed to be a groomsman!  He never even called my Fiancee to say, hey i cant make it.  And him...I've been VERY supportive of his marriage, I am there for all his 4 kids bdays, holidays, etc.  

 

My point is...at some point you've gotta let it all go.   Whoever comes, great.  Whoever doesnt go and disappoints you..guess what...in the end you're better off without them there!

[Ryves]

Thanks for this. My FI bestfriend/best friend avoids him all the time. We are planning a cruise wedding so you can imagine the challenges. The wedding is in Dec and people are still bluffing.

[Tulumbride2013]

Glad to see I'm not the only one with a guest book full of flakes. Of all of the invitations we sent, we only got 5 response cards back, saying either accept or decline. What happened to manners?

[Sarah W]

Can anyone share the $ amount they were budgeting for their guests to spend? I was thinking airfare/hotel for 4-5nights was going to be 1500.00. In my opinion this is affordable. Thoughts?

[Tulumbride2013]

Are guests spent 1500 a piece for 7 nights. , if they had double occupancy. Includes air, transfers to and from hotel and resort all inclusive. We also got 50 Dollars off per room and a free room for every 5 booked, which is working out to around 1400 dollars we are using toward our on stay. For a nicer resort prob more expensive...

[EmilyT]

i am so happy that i found this thread i just read all of the posts.... i am going through a similar situation. my wedding is 3.1.13 and i am lucky enough that 22 people already booked however my best friend who was asked to be in my bridal party said she cant make it. long story short, she is partying every weekend, doesnt have kids, and basically just doesnt want to spend the money. i also know that if some of my other friends end up coming she will suddenly have the cash ( because then its a fun vacation ) - guess what ? now i hope she doesnt come!

 

one of my brother's isnt coming, and pretty much noone from my fiances family ( just his friends ) are coming. they all have excuses that are pretty ridiciulous. mexico is a 3 hr flight and at the end of the day they can come for the weekend and go home!

 

at first i felt horrible and thought we made a mistake by having a DW but now my feelings are changing. we have been engage for 2 years and said from day 1 that we are getting married in Mexico.... if people really wanted to come they would come. im sick of the excuses and people making me feel bad for getting married away... its abour 1300$ for 4 nights and we sent out our dave the dates 1 year in advance. im at a point where if people dont want to be there- i dont want them there. its their loss.

[Tulumbride2013]

Amen to that Emily. My bf is doing the same thing. always talking bout how broke she is but has plenty of shopping money! She wants the vacay but she doesn't wanna spend the money... She also gets very jealous.... I think it being all about me she has an issue. She has been stringing me along. Secretly I think she's waiting to see if we chip in for her trip or bet boyfriend does. At this point I had to demote her from moh, since she has missed all three of my dress picking it apts .... And hasn't helped with any planning. I'm with u, at this point I hope she doesn't come. She'd prob be late for the ceremony!

[EmilyT]

Tulumbride, i see that we are both dreams brides, dreams tulum looks beautful but ive been to dreams riviera cancun so thats why i chose it. dreams really does beautiful weddings

 

about the best friend thing, mine has already told me 6 months in advance that she can't come.. i sorta also feel like how can you know that you wont be able to come up with the money when you STILL have 6 months left to plan !? LOL its a joke really..

 

i also thought id share that originally my date as 2.22.13. it ended up being presidents week and the prices were out of control- everything was almost doubled. i didn't know this originally because presidents day is the monday before so i thought we were safe. Long story short for the good of my guests i went through the trouble ( it was not easy ) of changing the date & notifying everyone etc and some peopel are actually using the date change as the excuse now of why they can't come. "Oh we were coming during Presidents week but now that you moved it we can't"- umm hello we changed the date because the price was doubled, and if we kept it that date the same people would have said "Oh sorry I cant its too expensive" LOL so point of the story-- people who always truly wanted to come are coming no matter what, and the others will find any old excuse. for a best friend to know 6 months in advance she cant come up with $1300 is a joke, and she could have asked me for a loan and offered to pay me back if she really wanted to come. where theres a will, theres a way!

 

my question though since im so annoyed about this is that now that i know already she doesnt plan to come, can i get her back by not sending her an invitation !?!? opinions please