Destination Weddings and Disappointment

Hey ladies. I guess I just need to vent...or maybe just find some voices that agree with or are going through some of the same things I am. My fiance and I are getting married in July at the Beach Palace in Cancun. It's #2 for both of us, so the big church wedding just didn't make any sense. We've both been divorced 6 and 8 years respectfully. We took a while to find The One. Getting married barefoot on the beach has been my dream for a long time, so now that I'm a grown up and it's my wallet....I'm having the wedding I've always wanted to have. We are both extremely excited and very much in love. Honestly, I would marry this man in a Walmart parking lot if that was the only choice. I really thought my friends and family would be on board, and psyched that we're having a destination wedding. Like...hey it's a chance to take an awesome vacation with my favorite friend, cousin, niece, sister, etc. But, I have to say though, I'm dealing with a lot of disappointment from my friends and family. I've been to destination weddings...and I LOVE them. The second I get the invite, I'm rearing to go! I start saving up...book my trip...and try to be as supportive of the couple as possible. I mean...that's what you do right? Well it seems that everyone in my circle doesn't really see it that way. I get the idea they're all put out that I would dare make them TRAVEL and to MEXICO of all places. (I mean, haven't you heard about all the crime and kidnappings??) Come on...it's not like I didn't give people 10 months notice. It's not like I'm making them spend $1000 a night. And I guess what's most upsetting are the ones who on the front end said "OMG...you should get married on the beach! I am SO there. We're all coming!" are now avoiding us, and giving crappy excuses for not coming. Is anyone else getting this kind of push back?

I know I shouldn't be comparing my wedding to the weddings of every other bride here on BDW, but I see the little tags at the bottom of posts that say "30 rooms booked!". 30 rooms booked?? For your destination wedding?? How did you get that many people to come? I can't even get people to email my travel agent! It's really frustrating, and my feelings are getting hurt. Oh, and BTW...every one of the people we invited can TOTALLY afford it! As a matter of fact, my friends who really can't afford it are making the biggest effort to try to go. Crazy!

Ok...of the soapbox now. Feel free to b*tch and commiserate with me!

My FI and I definitely feel your pain!!! 

"OMG...you should get married on the beach! I am SO there. We're all coming!" <------- that is exactly what we are going through too!  Hearing that from people initially and now they avoid us at all costs when we try to talk to them at all, it's like we are the plague! LOL! In my opinion, we are all adults, this is not a high school party, commit or don't!

I think its very difficult for people to think that this is their vacation and not just our wedding, as I put it to a friend, all we are asking for is ONE EVENING, not even a whole day out of the 7 day trip!

At this point, in order to not continue to be disappointed we are basically expecting no one but our parents and siblings and this way anyone who comes is a bonus and we are happy for them to be there!

Well thank the lord, I'm not the only one! We've invited friends who's children play sports w/my FI's child...and they walk right past us at games...not even acknowledging that they got the invitation. Or even..."Hey I would really love to go...but I don't think we're going to be able to make it"...I'd be fine with that. One of my FI's best friends called last week and said..."Um I know we said we'd go to Mexico and take all the kids, but something came up"....WTF? No explanation. That's just sorry. Now, even his mom is being wishy washy. I just wanted to have a stress free wedding and then an awesome party when we got home.

Thank you for letting me know I'm not the only bride going through this!

All I got to say its YOUR wedding so do whatever makes you happy and if those so called "friends" can't go all of a sudden then I am sure you TRUE friends will be there! Enjoy your trip

I have so many people that claimed they were attending and 1 month after my RSVP deadline, I still haven't heard anything from them. I've sent emails and left messages but have not received any replies. I prefer for people to be honest and let me know they can't make it instead of ignoring me but I can't control what they do.

Since I originally decided that I am NOT going to stress with the wedding and will try to enjoy the planning and the event itself as much as possible, my opinion on this is that whoever attends are the people that needed to be there. Whoever doesn't make it must have their reason. I refuse to be upset over those that can't attend, instead I'm grateful for my guests that will be there supporting us.

I'm going through the same thing! It's very frustrating. People who were cheering me on to have a destination are now backing out, and making the lamest excuses. From the beginning my fiance and I said we would go and not expect anyone, and whoever came would be a bonus. It's hard not to feel disappointed though. Their loss right?
 

Originally Posted by LPerry 

Hey ladies. I guess I just need to vent...or maybe just find some voices that agree with or are going through some of the same things I am. My fiance and I are getting married in July at the Beach Palace in Cancun. It's #2 for both of us, so the big church wedding just didn't make any sense. We've both been divorced 6 and 8 years respectfully. We took a while to find The One. Getting married barefoot on the beach has been my dream for a long time, so now that I'm a grown up and it's my wallet....I'm having the wedding I've always wanted to have. We are both extremely excited and very much in love. Honestly, I would marry this man in a Walmart parking lot if that was the only choice. I really thought my friends and family would be on board, and psyched that we're having a destination wedding. Like...hey it's a chance to take an awesome vacation with my favorite friend, cousin, niece, sister, etc. But, I have to say though, I'm dealing with a lot of disappointment from my friends and family. I've been to destination weddings...and I LOVE them. The second I get the invite, I'm rearing to go! I start saving up...book my trip...and try to be as supportive of the couple as possible. I mean...that's what you do right? Well it seems that everyone in my circle doesn't really see it that way. I get the idea they're all put out that I would dare make them TRAVEL and to MEXICO of all places. (I mean, haven't you heard about all the crime and kidnappings??) Come on...it's not like I didn't give people 10 months notice. It's not like I'm making them spend $1000 a night. And I guess what's most upsetting are the ones who on the front end said "OMG...you should get married on the beach! I am SO there. We're all coming!" are now avoiding us, and giving crappy excuses for not coming. Is anyone else getting this kind of push back?

 

I know I shouldn't be comparing my wedding to the weddings of every other bride here on BDW, but I see the little tags at the bottom of posts that say "30 rooms booked!". 30 rooms booked?? For your destination wedding?? How did you get that many people to come? I can't even get people to email my travel agent! It's really frustrating, and my feelings are getting hurt. Oh, and BTW...every one of the people we invited can TOTALLY afford it! As a matter of fact, my friends who really can't afford it are making the biggest effort to try to go. Crazy!

 

 

Ok...of the soapbox now. Feel free to b*tch and commiserate with me!

well i have the advantage in that most of my guests (and i) are already in mexico...and frankly where we live is so dangerous that going to cancun is literally a lovely safe holiday (seriously, i saw somebody get shot last month. not pleasant)

but ive had all of this from my english friends. my family are on board, mum dad and sister. i dont have any other family except my long lost uncle stephen who hasnt seen my family in ten years so clearly theres not much point inviting him. my friends back home....not so much. i already know very few of them will come. 2 friends who said they would be bridesmaids...well frankly im not certain whether they really will make it when push comes to shove as im well aware of the whole temporary enthusiasm from guests for destination weddings slowly dwindles away as the date approaches. its disappointing, but you need to not let it upset you or detract from having the wedding that you want and will make you happy

we booked the venue last week - one years time, march 2013. anyone who really wants to come, should be able to manage it. anyone who doesnt, should have the decency to simply make their excuses rather than disappear. full stop.

also there are polite ways to decline and it doesnt involve telling the couple how selfish they are. i couldnt go to a (non destination) wedding last year back in london as fiance and i couldnt pay the flights (we already paid for flights going back to london 2 months after that for my mums 60th birthday...and couldnt go from mexico to london twice in 2 months!). i rsvp'd as soon as i got the invite, and sent a private message "im so sorry i cant make it to your wedding! even though i cant make it to celebrate with you i cant wait to see your photos and hear all the details as soon as youre back from your honeymoon. i hope you have an incredible day and ill be there in spirit if not in person. all my love, jess". dont see why people cant just say that rather than *whine* *whine* "i dont see why you cant just get married back home"

Thanks so much ladies! I'm so glad I'm not the only one. And LalaJ...I'm totally with you. I decided I'm NOT going to stress about it. If people come, they come...and it will be wonderful. As a matter of fact, the fact that it looks like we're going to have a smaller group is working to my advantage. At my resort, if you have more than 25 guests, you have to pay $400 per table for a full buffet reception. If not, they just make reservations for you at one of the restaurants. At first I thought I wanted to do a big dinner...but now I'm thinking...WHY? Let's just do dinner at the restaurant! And I'm not worried about the decor anymore. I thought I was going to be shelling out a ton of cash for one of the wedding packages....now I'm like...let's just do the plain little complimentary one. The only think I'm a little bummed about is the fact that I did put down a deposit on an outside vendor for photography, and spent a little more than I would have on a dress. I mean...it kind of defeats the purpose if no one's going to be there. BUT....I've paid for it, and it's done. 

Just out of curiosity...are any of you footing the bill for any of your guests? We got the "whoa is me" story from my FMIL....so we're stuck with that ticket, as well as ours and my stepsons. 

Definitely agree with you lalaj! whoever can make it great. whoever can't  don't take it personal.
 

Originally Posted by LalaJ 

I have so many people that claimed they were attending and 1 month after my RSVP deadline, I still haven't heard anything from them. I've sent emails and left messages but have not received any replies. I prefer for people to be honest and let me know they can't make it instead of ignoring me but I can't control what they do.

 

Since I originally decided that I am NOT going to stress with the wedding and will try to enjoy the planning and the event itself as much as possible, my opinion on this is that whoever attends are the people that needed to be there. Whoever doesn't make it must have their reason. I refuse to be upset over those that can't attend, instead I'm grateful for my guests that will be there supporting us.

LPerry,

I know exactly what you are feeling. We just had our destination wedding in January and we had the most amazing time. But the year leading up to it was not as easy. We had many friends who avoided us after we announced that it was a destination wedding and even some that totally never responded way past the RSVP date. We gave everyone 11 months notice - more than enough time. It was very hurtful and I got upset many times because this was a very special time of our lives when these people are suppose to happy for you and look forward to celebrating with you - not taking it away. I just didn't understand why they couldn't be honest with us and say "hey, I'd love to come but I won't be able to afford it, etc" whatever - just be upfront about it. Don't be a stranger after 10+ years of friendship. It made it really awkward to be around them and have our wedding topic be the elephant in the room. I was happy with those who told us straight up that they cannot make it. Okay, great we understand and now we can just move on. 

The thing that bothered me most is that of the people who backed out, they are the ones who could totally afford it - most of them live at home so they don't have mortgage/big bills to pay for. They could definitely afford one week in Mexico. Oh well, their loss anyway because we had the most amazing time. And we told everyone, this trip is not all about the wedding - it is about them getting a wonderful vacation out of it. All we are asking for was one day out of 7. Many of our guests did their own excursions during the week and had a great time. We all still made time to hang out with each other at the pool and on the beach. Plus my husband and I got some alone time before and after the wedding. It was fun walking around the resort and seeing familiar faces and hearing how their day went.

After a while we just decided to not stress about it and focus all our positive energy on those wonderful people who booked and made it to the wedding. In the end, we had a total of 38 guests who came and told us it was not only the most beautiful resort they've ever stayed at, it was the best wedding they ever attended. They all wanted to extend their vacation!

My best advice to you is don't waste your energy on people who cannot be honest to you. Those who make it, are honest with you or at least really put in the effort to try to come are your real friends. You will have the most amazing wedding and those who are able to share it with you are the lucky ones. Happy planning All the best to you & your soon-to-be hubby!

Originally Posted by LPerry 

Hey ladies. I guess I just need to vent...or maybe just find some voices that agree with or are going through some of the same things I am. My fiance and I are getting married in July at the Beach Palace in Cancun. It's #2 for both of us, so the big church wedding just didn't make any sense. We've both been divorced 6 and 8 years respectfully. We took a while to find The One. Getting married barefoot on the beach has been my dream for a long time, so now that I'm a grown up and it's my wallet....I'm having the wedding I've always wanted to have. We are both extremely excited and very much in love. Honestly, I would marry this man in a Walmart parking lot if that was the only choice. I really thought my friends and family would be on board, and psyched that we're having a destination wedding. Like...hey it's a chance to take an awesome vacation with my favorite friend, cousin, niece, sister, etc. But, I have to say though, I'm dealing with a lot of disappointment from my friends and family. I've been to destination weddings...and I LOVE them. The second I get the invite, I'm rearing to go! I start saving up...book my trip...and try to be as supportive of the couple as possible. I mean...that's what you do right? Well it seems that everyone in my circle doesn't really see it that way. I get the idea they're all put out that I would dare make them TRAVEL and to MEXICO of all places. (I mean, haven't you heard about all the crime and kidnappings??) Come on...it's not like I didn't give people 10 months notice. It's not like I'm making them spend $1000 a night. And I guess what's most upsetting are the ones who on the front end said "OMG...you should get married on the beach! I am SO there. We're all coming!" are now avoiding us, and giving crappy excuses for not coming. Is anyone else getting this kind of push back?

 

I know I shouldn't be comparing my wedding to the weddings of every other bride here on BDW, but I see the little tags at the bottom of posts that say "30 rooms booked!". 30 rooms booked?? For your destination wedding?? How did you get that many people to come? I can't even get people to email my travel agent! It's really frustrating, and my feelings are getting hurt. Oh, and BTW...every one of the people we invited can TOTALLY afford it! As a matter of fact, my friends who really can't afford it are making the biggest effort to try to go. Crazy!

 

 

Ok...of the soapbox now. Feel free to b*tch and commiserate with me!