Family Drama

[Messica]

I'm sorry, I have to agree with Lucy! I would never in a million years not put my parents or my FIL on the invitations, because regardless if they contributed financially, they raised us to be individuals, and it is a bit of a slap in the face. You're showing people where you came from, and who raised you to be the individual you are today. I hope everything works out and good luck!

[kat2012]

I agree with Lucy and Messica. 

I think you should call your mom and talk to her about it, sooner you deal with it, sooner you can take this weight off your shoulders.

And maybe you can salvage situation by putting note about your mom on your programs or something like that.

[Branya2012]

I think it's a really good idea to call your mom to talk about things, especially since it doesn't seem like she's going to pick up the phone and talk to you about it.

 

That being said, we all have our different ways of showing our parents respect, and choosing for ourselves whether or not to put their names on the invitations. Neither sets of my or my fiancee's parents are helping to pay for the wedding, therefore none of their names are appearing on the invitations. I think it's a little harsh to say that not putting your parents' names on the invitations is a slap in the face when you do not know everything about a person's upbringing or about their wedding.

 

I think that especially with having a destination wedding, you should do things however you want. It just sucks to have to deal with people's unkind words, especially when they don't come forward with them. We have been faced with a lot of upset people in our family, and it's so hard during what is supposed to be a beautiful, happy time. In a perfect world...

 

So, cdc150, hope it helps to hear you're not the only one to deal with unexpected family drama and that you can work it out with your mom. After all, at the end of the day, she'll be there to celebrate with you, right?

[JQLong]

I agree 100%

My fiance and I have decided not to put our parents names on the invitations. At the end of the day....there will be other things to fuss about....Call your Mom and talk with her...often hearing things through the "telephone" makes it much worse.  Good Luck.

Originally Posted by Branya2012 

I think it's a really good idea to call your mom to talk about things, especially since it doesn't seem like she's going to pick up the phone and talk to you about it.

 

That being said, we all have our different ways of showing our parents respect, and choosing for ourselves whether or not to put their names on the invitations. Neither sets of my or my fiancee's parents are helping to pay for the wedding, therefore none of their names are appearing on the invitations. I think it's a little harsh to say that not putting your parents' names on the invitations is a slap in the face when you do not know everything about a person's upbringing or about their wedding.

 

I think that especially with having a destination wedding, you should do things however you want. It just sucks to have to deal with people's unkind words, especially when they don't come forward with them. We have been faced with a lot of upset people in our family, and it's so hard during what is supposed to be a beautiful, happy time. In a perfect world...

 

So, cdc150, hope it helps to hear you're not the only one to deal with unexpected family drama and that you can work it out with your mom. After all, at the end of the day, she'll be there to celebrate with you, right?

 

[cdc150]

Thanks everyone! I called my mom today, she sent me to voicemail.  So I sent her an email explaining that I did not mean to be hurtful, I was following what I found as etiquette.  We'll see if I hear back.  My mother and I have had a lot of problems well beyond the wedding and to her this may be the nail in the coffin.  We'll see. 

 

Meanwhile I have gotten harassing phone calls from her brother, sister and mother about the invitations.  It's been a helluva weekend.  My sister has been relaying messages from what she heard from my step-father but she's trying not to get in the middle cause its not her fight.  Meanwhile, my FI is upset that I've been upset all weekend and that my family is making it worse.  I'm just ready for April so we can get married and not worry about drama anymore!

[Sheena2011]

I wasn't sure what to do either - so "together with their parents..."  covered us.

[sxcT]

Sorry to hear about your family drama but I can tell you that you are not the only one.  I think most of us have gone thru some family issues during the planning process and we probably all still have more to come.

 

For me it started with my dad disowning me and not speaking to me for 1yr 9 mo because David was black and my dad is old school Italian.  But we are lucky that he came around, apologized and now he and my step-mom are attending the wedding.  They have met David and adore him and we have all moved on.

 

Now that they are coming I have to deal with my mother complaining about my dad and step-mom and how she doesn't want to see them or sit close to them or this or that.  Ugh!!

 

I also had a similar issue as you.  FI and I are paying for our DW and I hand-made our passport invites and I followed etiquette and I put just our names on it.  Well that didn't go over too well with his folks when they finally got to see them.  They were upset because we weren't "honoring the families".  I held my ground and FI was caught in the middle but he understood what I did and why I did it and had to talk it out with them.  Since they are paying for the AHR their names will most certainly be on that invite.  And they are also insisting on putting my parents names on there as well to honor all of them.  I finally figured out some wording that I think sounds good and we need to see if everyone else is ok with it.  Trying to please others is so exhausting sometimes.

 

Glad to hear you tried reaching out to your mom.  Sorry to hear that whole side of your family is giving you issues right now.  Must be so frustrating.  Try not to focus on that so much because it will only bring you down and affect your relationship with your FI.  Instead, focus on something wedding related that makes you happy....OOT bags, packing list, music playlists, shopping for honeymoon, whatever it is!! 

 

Good Luck and keep us posted!!  <3

[pinkinboca]

I don't think you needed to include her on the invite... my FI and I are not including either of our parents on the invites since we are paying for the wedding ourselves. My mother is hosting the rehearsal dinner so separate invites will be sent for that and they will say The Mother of the Bride Jane Doe would appreciate your presence at a rehearsal dinner so on & so forth. It's your day... don't let petty family nonsense (ALL of us have some) get you down Good Luck

[lovepea]

Sorry you have so much stress being added in to a stressful busy time anyway.  You did follow proper "rules" for making your invitation but for those family members who are less informed, I could see that they might think you were being somehow disrespectful.  And perhaps they don't realize the reason you left your mother's name off.  Maybe they don't know about the "who is sponsoring gets listed" thing. 

 

Don't kill yourself worrying over it all.  If someone calls to yell at you, say that you'd appreciate if they would let you and your mother deal with the issue, it is a private discussion.

 

Sounds like you and your mom have lots to work out regardless, so I wish you the best of luck in getting past this difficulty.