How Important Is Your Bling To Your Marriage

[Nrvsbride]

Catherine I remember you mentioning something about him not wanting to propose until all your finances were in order. Did he mean the money for the ring or did he mean other things like credit card debt and stuff like that? Have you ever tried talking to him to see what his main concern is? Is it b/c he wants to make sure he has enough money saved up to get you the ring that he feels you deserve or is it b/c he wants to wait to be debt free?

[LadyP]

Quote:

Originally Posted by tvt I said the same things too then i when i was annoying FI would say i was getting negative .5 carats. have you two gone ring shopping together? that might help you both figure out what you're looking at price wise and style, etc.

No we have not gone shopping together. We look at them online but never in the store our schedules have been crazy lately. We are together early morning or late night and Saturday is out our son's schedule is equally as time consuming.

His birthday is next month. I am going to take him to dinner and just talk to him.

[LadyP]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nrvsbride Catherine I remember you mentioning something about him not wanting to propose until all your finances were in order. Did he mean the money for the ring or did he mean other things like credit card debt and stuff like that? Have you ever tried talking to him to see what his main concern is? Is it b/c he wants to make sure he has enough money saved up to get you the ring that he feels you deserve or is it b/c he wants to wait to be debt free?

He has changed jobs and his money is not where he would like it to be. So maybe that can be a part of it. But money will never be where we want it to be. It wasnt when we had our son and he wants for nothing. We are not broke but we dont live on the upper east side of Manhattan either. like everyone we struggle and we watch what we spend but all is well. Our credit has taken a hit in the last month so that could be it too. I just wish he would talk to me

[-Kate-]

My bigger concern here is that he is NOT talking to you - not that he isn't proposing. Unless he is planning the biggest, most elaborate proposal ever he should be talking about his future plans with you.

 

You need to sit down with him and talk, but lay it out in an organized manner. (this is my super anal listmaking side coming out - sorry!)

1) Is he happy with how things are now?

2) What does he like about how things are now?

3) Are there things he doesn't like?

4) What are his feelings on marriage in general?

5) What are his feelings on marriage and you?

6) Why does he want to be married?

7) Why doesn't he want to be married?

If he wants to get married, is there a timeline?

9) What is holding him back from proposing?

10) Does he know how important being married is to you?

[JaimeLynne]

Kate, those are all excellent questions and I hate to say it but I agree with her. Why isn't he talking to you? I know it's cliche but communication is soooooo important in a relationship. It's one of the foundations of my relationship with Martin. Anyways, don't mean to sound like a downer but I think it is a good idea to get to the root of what's troubling him. Good luck, it'll work out!

[LadyP]

Ok that sounds well and good but he is not the talking about feelings type. He is an action speaks louder than words type. All of the years I have know him and knowing his father getting him to express his feelings is out. I am going to ride it out until his birthday. (which means we will talk while I fall asleep tonite)

 

Wish me luck

[JPMO]

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Originally Posted by LadyP No Tiffany was not me. I would go to Walmart or sears. Tiffany was him. NOt me. I was shocked to turn on the computer and that picture was there.

Oh cool! Well we can definately appreciate a man with good tastes !!!!!!! It'll come... when you least expect it.

When it does? We'll be right here to say," I told you so!." You two sound like you have a very happy and healthy relationship it's going to be alright.

[LadyP]

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Originally Posted by JPMO Oh cool! Well we can definately appreciate a man with good tastes !!!!!!! It'll come... when you least expect it. When it does? We'll be right here to say," I told you so!." You two sound like you have a very happy and healthy relationship it's going to be alright.

It is very nontraditional though. We do some very off the cuff things but we like it so. I know it will come. I just want my dancing elephants and be able to say look girls my DIY this and my DIY that. I think 2 weeks after the proposal I will have it all finalized and be able to start projects. LOL

[Golden]

Hi Ladies, I really just read the thread & post based upon my needs, but I could not let this pass.

 

A ring is wonderful thing to have, however the ring can not be the foundation on your relationship and marriage. No matter what happens in life we will always have bills and debt issues. Ask yourself this question: if he pay off his bills or debt and buy a ring, then 6 months later his finaces are out of order again what is he going to do, leave because his finaces are not in order. My point is this: A man will hide behind the fiance excuse because they are not ready or afraid to make the next step. I don't know your guy and this may not be the case. I notice you said his money is not where he wants it to be, it may never be , but he will always have you (IF HE LOOK AT THE BIGGER PICTURE) because love is sooooo much greater then money.

 

Often as females we get caught up in weddings and the ring because our friends expect us to to produce something grand. Sometimes friends and family make comments about dating too long etc.... and we fall into a trap.

I would advise you too to seek pre-marital classess to discuss some issues because he may have more issues to discuss and don't know how to bring it up. My guy and I did pre-marital w/o rings, not even engaged at the time, we had talked about marriage. That was the best thing for us because they covered so many things such as money,sex, aging parents, children, household chores and why men and women have fears about marriage.

 

My closing remarks: Do not give into the hype about a ring or having a big fancy wedding, because in do time you will have all of that and more. The ring can not make a marrige work,it can not fix your problems or bring happiness into your household. Before you seek to do any planning or prep yourselF for a wedding or ring seek pre-martial help because their are some hidden issues on the table. If he is not willing , then I advise you to think about what you want and are you willing to stay on his time leaving in the unknown. Do some soul searching, because your feelings & needs are important also. I hope and pray that my post is helpful to you.

[cessyboston]

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Originally Posted by Tlseege I voted to stop thinking. Being in the same position as you, every time I talk about wanting to get married I think it pushes him further from the decision. I think he feels as though I'm pressuring him and he might not be making the decision, but simply going with what I want. I think it's very important for the man to be fully prepared when they enter into marriage because as the other ladies have said, if there are problems now, there will be problems when you are married. And that's not just relationship wise, but money too. Yes, there are some breaks when you are legally married, but expenses will come up that you guys will have to deal with as a couple. And if either person has bad credit, the other inherits it... which could cause more problems. I think it's just really important that he knows that you love him with everything you have and that you do, someday (preferably sooner) want to be married to him. But, that you understand it is the biggest decision in his life and he shouldn't be pressured into it. The ring will come. Whether it be cracker jack or "Holy Crap!"

i would have to agree here because i am in the same bOAT AS BOTH BUT IT WILL COME...AND I HAVE BEEN LEARNING TO TRUST HIM.....AND TRUST WHAT YOU HAVE......REALLY TRUST IT...