How Important Is Your Bling To Your Marriage

Catherine I remember you mentioning something about him not wanting to propose until all your finances were in order. Did he mean the money for the ring or did he mean other things like credit card debt and stuff like that? Have you ever tried talking to him to see what his main concern is? Is it b/c he wants to make sure he has enough money saved up to get you the ring that he feels you deserve or is it b/c he wants to wait to be debt free?

My bigger concern here is that he is NOT talking to you - not that he isn't proposing. Unless he is planning the biggest, most elaborate proposal ever he should be talking about his future plans with you.

You need to sit down with him and talk, but lay it out in an organized manner. (this is my super anal listmaking side coming out - sorry!)

1) Is he happy with how things are now?

2) What does he like about how things are now?

3) Are there things he doesn't like?

4) What are his feelings on marriage in general?

5) What are his feelings on marriage and you?

6) Why does he want to be married?

7) Why doesn't he want to be married?

If he wants to get married, is there a timeline?

9) What is holding him back from proposing?

10) Does he know how important being married is to you?

Kate, those are all excellent questions and I hate to say it but I agree with her. Why isn't he talking to you? I know it's cliche but communication is soooooo important in a relationship. It's one of the foundations of my relationship with Martin. Anyways, don't mean to sound like a downer but I think it is a good idea to get to the root of what's troubling him. Good luck, it'll work out!

Ok that sounds well and good but he is not the talking about feelings type. He is an action speaks louder than words type. All of the years I have know him and knowing his father getting him to express his feelings is out. I am going to ride it out until his birthday. (which means we will talk while I fall asleep tonite)

Wish me luck

Hi Ladies, I really just read the thread & post based upon my needs, but I could not let this pass.

A ring is wonderful thing to have, however the ring can not be the foundation on your relationship and marriage. No matter what happens in life we will always have bills and debt issues. Ask yourself this question: if he pay off his bills or debt and buy a ring, then 6 months later his finaces are out of order again what is he going to do, leave because his finaces are not in order. My point is this: A man will hide behind the fiance excuse because they are not ready or afraid to make the next step. I don't know your guy and this may not be the case. I notice you said his money is not where he wants it to be, it may never be , but he will always have you (IF HE LOOK AT THE BIGGER PICTURE) because love is sooooo much greater then money.

Often as females we get caught up in weddings and the ring because our friends expect us to to produce something grand. Sometimes friends and family make comments about dating too long etc.... and we fall into a trap.

I would advise you too to seek pre-marital classess to discuss some issues because he may have more issues to discuss and don't know how to bring it up. My guy and I did pre-marital w/o rings, not even engaged at the time, we had talked about marriage. That was the best thing for us because they covered so many things such as money,sex, aging parents, children, household chores and why men and women have fears about marriage.

My closing remarks: Do not give into the hype about a ring or having a big fancy wedding, because in do time you will have all of that and more. The ring can not make a marrige work,it can not fix your problems or bring happiness into your household. Before you seek to do any planning or prep yourselF for a wedding or ring seek pre-martial help because their are some hidden issues on the table. If he is not willing , then I advise you to think about what you want and are you willing to stay on his time leaving in the unknown. Do some soul searching, because your feelings & needs are important also. I hope and pray that my post is helpful to you.