Angry. Why can't he help me?!

[Melidell]

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Originally Posted by KJT1985 Thanks girls. I tried that - I just told him that we were going to sit down and do 10 each last night and every night until we got done but he refused. It's really too bad I can't hold the money over his head but it's pretty much already gone - paid off some more of our honeymoon, paid off some on the car, bought a new fridge for the house. Haha. And honestly, if it didn't reflect poorly on me as well I'd just forget the whole thing and let him do whatever he wanted for his side. I know he wouldn't even bother sending them notes if it was up to him. Just sucks that it'd be a bad reflection on me as well! I also hate that when things like this happen he gets mad at ME! wtf?! I'M the one who's mad here! But he'll act like i'm the one in the wrong. Grr (that's nothing new to me though). I just told him today when I was yelling at him that the least he can do is address some envelopes!! So we'll see..

Wow. I don't blame you for being mad. If FI randomly assigned a "job" to me and then refused to help me with it when I asked I would be beyond pissed. Umm, what exactly is it about this task that makes it your job, by the way? What is it he's doing (or thinks he's doing) that makes up for it? I would try to explain to him that you guys are a team now and that you are asking for his help. He's your partner and you need to be able to depend on him to pick up the slack if you're struggling or stressed. You know- appeal to his chivalrous side.

Usually I'd say just don't do it but he's got you between a rock and a hard place because you'll both look bad if it doesn't get done. He's acting like a jerk- a good, polite Canadian boy should be writing his thank you notes like his mother taught him to!

[KJT1985]

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Originally Posted by Melidell Wow. I don't blame you for being mad. If FI randomly assigned a "job" to me and then refused to help me with it when I asked I would be beyond pissed. Umm, what exactly is it about this task that makes it your job, by the way? What is it he's doing (or thinks he's doing) that makes up for it? I would try to explain to him that you guys are a team now and that you are asking for his help. He's your partner and you need to be able to depend on him to pick up the slack if you're struggling or stressed. You know- appeal to his chivalrous side. Usually I'd say just don't do it but he's got you between a rock and a hard place because you'll both look bad if it doesn't get done. He's acting like a jerk- a good, polite Canadian boy should be writing his thank you notes like his mother taught him to!

Ha! chivalrous, that's funny. Yeah, that's not him. He will point out when I use the wrong fork but doesn't think thank you notes, holding the door open for me, or helping me when I ask for it is necessary. Yesterday I had to swap out wireless router and now our tv in the bedroom won't stream netflix. So he's making all these snooty comments about how he deals with the tech stuff in the house and "hopefully that tv works again soon". We've had it all of three days and he's the one who set it up so I tried but have NO idea how to make it connect to the internet again. He's holding it over my head because that's "his job" and something I want him to do. It's not like I wouldn't if I could - I tried, I just don't know what's wrong with it!

At first I tried talking to him, negotiating, reasoning. I even opened a bottle of wine last night when I sat down to start them and told him we could drink wine while we write. No such luck. Now he's in a pissy mood because he didn't get lucky last night and is blaming ME for us not getting along right now! He is INSANELY good at turning things around and making the situation into why he should be mad at me when i'm pissed about something. Then I have to move from "attack" mode to "defense" mode. I really don't like this part about him either. Haha. So now i'm just furious and can't hold my tongue. He'd better grow a brain before I get home from work otherwise it's gonna be a nasty night.

And like I said before, it's not even so much that he doesn't care to write them - it's the fact that I asked for help and he won't do it. What kind of partner is that?! I NEVER turn him down when he asks me for something/help no matter what i'm doing.

[carolina24]

wow!!! I hope everything is ok now. Do you have kids? He needs to work on his attitude ASAP b/c when the time comes, you'll be doing everything, since that's "your job". He needs to help you with stuff when you ask because you need a supportive partner. I would definately get this sorted out, don't let it go.

[KJT1985]

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Originally Posted by carolina24 wow!!! I hope everything is ok now. Do you have kids? He needs to work on his attitude ASAP b/c when the time comes, you'll be doing everything, since that's "your job". He needs to help you with stuff when you ask because you need a supportive partner. I would definately get this sorted out, don't let it go.

It's ok. I'm pretty much over it. No, we don't have kids yet and aren't planning on it for a good five or six years. I really was mostly upset that I ask for help and he refused. He kinda just goes through these moods where he's so darn stubborn! Sometimes he's great help - other times, not so much. Thanks for the moral support!