Bridesmaid Drama- Need to vent

[tylersgirl]

I am so glad to see this thread. I thought I was the only one. My "friends" have been hurting my feelings so bad lately. I have been friends with these girls since 3rd grade and we grew up together-college-sorority, etc. They are bailing on me left and right. I did not make them a part of my wedding party in case something happened-my sis will be my MOH and that is it. I have one friend that is choosing to go to her no good boyfriend's friend's wedding in Cabo for a week instead of my wedding-she knew about my wedding before this Cabo wedding. She hardly even knows his friend and now she said she won't have enough money for my wedding too. Also, I have another friend that accidentally said to me that my other friends are turning my bridal shower into a big deal---ummmm it IS a big deal-I am getting married!!!! I am so sick of all of it!

[Cattie]

Like I said in a thread I posted 2 weeks ago. Woman are nuts. My moh ditched me 2 months prior to my wedding and asked our friend why I don't understand what SHE is going through. Um, yeah, hi, I'm getting married in 2 months, what do you think I am going through!

 

I really can't figure out why they get so jealous. I've always been the one that would be so happy for them no matter what, people would think I was the odd one!

[shellb]

Some friends & family become strangers when it comes to weddings. You really find out who is there to support you. We've been engaged for over 2 years and let people from the get go know it was going to be a DW. People have known it would be Punta Cana, DR for over 1 & 1/2 yrs.

 

I have one friend that gave me a song and a dance over they just bought a house, needed the drive paved, grass sodded, etc and there was no way they would be able to afford to go to a DW or anywhere in 2009 for that matter. I was perfectly ok with that told them all we asked was that they wish us well. She got distant after that, went on a few trips after that like NY & Vegas, then two months ago I see on FB how she is exicted to be going to Playa del Carmen in X days. After they got back they purchase another pure bred dog. No money, haha, why give a BS excuse and then avoid someone. Have the spine to be honest and say we are planning to go to Mexico in Jan of 2009. I have no issue with the fact people have lives, their priorities are different, but come on you're supposed to be honest with your friends.

 

My MOH, threw me for a loop the other week as well. For the wedding, I let her choose her dress, only told her 2 color options, tea length and said choose something you love and will wear again, we'll pay for it. For any of the traditional wedding stuff, I have opted out because she is in another country and I don't think it's fair of me to expect her to come here to do a bridal shower, hen night, come dress shopping, etc. So, I have said I don't want or need any of it. Well, it's time to book the salon for the day of and she seems annoyed I want her hair in an up-do (we are paying), wants to do it herself. It's the only thing I have really said I wanted. I went thru a ton of stuff to be her MOH, wierd dress, up-do with these awful sparkly butterflies, very uncomfortable sparkly shoes (I just had to wear). I just don't get it...it's an updo (that I have given her options to choose from), these are my pictures for life and I want them to look a certain way.

 

Sorry for the whine, but wanted to let you know you are not alone.

[BillysBride]

I've got one..and I'm pretty sure she's not coming.

 

I asked her to be in the wedding party because..well, that's just what we all DO in my group. We've all been in each other's weddings and I wasn't going to exclude her even though I KNEW what her answer was going to be. To be fair, she hasn't said no....hell, she really hasn't said anything. haha! I sent out prelim info just with the date and the location to everyone along with the "Will You Be My.." cards. She is the ONLY person who didn't get back to me via phone or email. And the kicker? She had no problem talking to my cousin about it and saying she "wasn't sure but will try". What, you can't tell ME the person who thought enough of you to ASK? To add insult to injury, her ass had the audacity to text me to pump me for gossip last month when my baby sister unexpectedly got married. I blew her off. She kept trying, she wanted the goods so bad. I just laughed and deleted them. My only thought was..damn, she can contact me for to be nosy as hell, but can't do me the honor of simply saying she can't make it to my wedding? Please. I just laughed it off because I knew how she was going to react anyway. Needless to say, I won't be asking again.

 

Anyway, I'm not saying that your friendship with this girl isn't worth saving. What I am saying is that you can keep an open mind and hear her out...but if you're right and it's jealousy? Cut it ALL loose and don't look back. It's not worth making yourself feel bad if you've done nothing wrong. MAYBE things have just gone too long without being talked out and her feelings are genuinely hurt by something or another. But maybe she's just being a bitch. Either way, you can't let it ruin this time for you. Get to the bottom of it then deal with it so you can move on.

[DGG]

I was having similar problems with one of my best friends - she seemed happy to be my bridesmaid at first, but I felt like everytime I spoke about my wedding or plans with her, she was so negative. It seemed like everytime the wedding came up, she would tell me how expensive the hotel was, how we shouldn't expect any gifts (which I really don't care about), complaining about the dress, etc. Finally, I had enough - so I sent her an email telling her how upset I was and that I felt like she was being so negative and wasn't happy for me. She called me up hysterical saying she didn't mean to be negative - but she explained that even though she is happy for me, it is really hard for her to see another good friend getting married when she is single and thought she would be married and be starting a family at this point in her life... she apologized for making me feel that way - but then I felt awful.. maybe I was so wrapped up in my happiness and wedding plans that I wasn't a good friend to her... I've been trying to be more sensitive to her and even though my life sort of does revolve about wedding planning now, I should try to be more sensitive to her and be there for her also..

It sounds like a lot of you have been through some pretty crappy situations, but it is a shame to lose a friend over wedding plans.. then again, if they really weren't a good friend to begin with maybe it's for the best..

Darcy, I don't know if you spoke to your friend yet - but try to hear her side of the story.. maybe she is just being selfish, but maybe there is a reason she is acting that way.. Good luck

[Jenamie]

I'm so sorry hun I wish there was a way to make people just but in turn everyone has there moments, hopefully she will come around and if not maybe she is just not ment to be there anymore :/

[smille50]

I ended up choosing 5 bridesmaids and now I wish I would have had 0.  I am not the type of person that likes drama and I feel like I already have so much to worry about right now.  I could definitely use less drama.

[bmadzia1]

After reading all the comments in this thread, I once again, sit here, reassured that I have made the best decision ... only Maid of Honour... no brides maids, flower girls blah blah.. ))) My son will be the ring 'boy' and our two witnesses.... now, I have kindly asked my BF to let me know if for some reason she can't make it... I asked my other friend 'in case will you?'... I'm not having any bridal  showers, hen nights etc... so it's really just the honour of being my witness when I agree to spend the rest of my life with the best guy out there

[islandbride8]

agreed   I'm having 1 MOH and my FI is having 1 BM.  The ONLY reason we're having anyone is b/c we need witnesses.  I can't deal with the drama.  my moh is my cousin and his bm is his cousin.  If any problems arise, i have no problem kicking anyone out at any time (i can feel my backbone growing as we speak!).   I'm so sorry to hear about all of this drama you ladies are having with your girls.  Hang in there and remember why you started planning a DW in the first place (it's PARADISE!).  good luck

 

Originally Posted by bmadzia1 

After reading all the comments in this thread, I once again, sit here, reassured that I have made the best decision ... only Maid of Honour... no brides maids, flower girls blah blah.. ))) My son will be the ring 'boy' and our two witnesses.... now, I have kindly asked my BF to let me know if for some reason she can't make it... I asked my other friend 'in case will you?'... I'm not having any bridal  showers, hen nights etc... so it's really just the honour of being my witness when I agree to spend the rest of my life with the best guy out there

[Tiffanya21]

This is an older thread but applies so much to my life right now. My MOH just doesn't want to participate for one reason or another. She hasn't been supportive since the day I got engaged. At first I gave her the benefit of the doubt because her fiance just called their wedding off, and I felt like it was a tough time for her. But 1.5 years later, she should be moving on, especially considering she has a new boyfriend. Grrrr. My other BM, who is also a bff, now that girl is having issues. Her MOH is so selfish. If I were an outsider looking in, I would guess her MOH was the Bride. Even though I am a BM, I wanted to help out with the Bridal Shower, Bachelorette Party, etc....but I have been the one in control because her MOH is too busy being selfish and a big bia. I am hanging in there for my girl because she is a GREAT friend, but if it wasn't for her....I would have defriended this girl a long time ago. I just think that once you accept the role of MOH or BM, you accept the responsibilities of that role, including being supportive NO MATTER WHAT! Thats why the bride chose YOU! Hello. Grrr. I tried not to write a book about this, but just the thoughts bring tears to my eyes. Its sooo frustrating. Why do the people that are suppose to be there for you when you need it the most, to plan and celebrate the best day of your whole life hurt you the most?!?!