Bridesmaid Drama- Need to vent

[DarcyJAde]

I am curious if you have noticed any jealous/ weird behavior from any of your bridesmaids? I heard there is always one girl in every wedding.

 

So one of my friends for 10 + years has been distant since I got engaged. She doesn't seem happy for me. If I try to talk about wedding stuff to her she just has a negative response. So I fianlly quit talking about it to her. I don't think this is fair though, I only have 3 bridemaids. I finally wrote her an e-mail about her distance, and she turned it around on me. Saying she feels like a 3rd wheel with my fiancee and I. Complaining that I bring him everywhere (which I don't.) WE all 3 work together, and I thought we were all friends. Also, she said that our friendship had changed a LONG time ago. Just some really unfair things. Things that maybe she should've said a while back. We are going to be talking in person soon about all this. Just trying to gather my thoughts.

 

The thing is, I know she didn't like being a bridesmaid in her 2 brothers wedding. So i have been sensitive to that. We haven't hashed things out completely yet. How do I know if she really wants to be my bridesmaid? It really hurts when the people closest to you can seem to be happy for you. Thanks for your advice.

[2bebridejamaica]

This happened to me... we had been friends since Jr High. We had our moments of pulling away from eachother for a while because she is the "always right" type. I dealt with it because it was her nature along with being a great friend overall. Once we got engaged, mind you she is already married and has been for 7 yrs.. things just went south on so many levels. We had orig planned for the local wedding and she did go and see different venues with me and actually seemed excited about the process. Once we started getting real totals on each place and what the overall cost was going to be, my hubby thought of the idea of a DW. I called her the second we knew it was the right thing to do and she jumped for joy talking about how she would not miss it along with her hubby and kids. We picked out place and the second she got a quote from our TA.. she started with the bantering of "Why did you have to pick the most expensive place".. "We could go to Disney for a week for less than 4 days in Jamaica." Now this WAS one of my closest BF's and orig my thought on a MOH. WTF?? It got worse as she went to other friends that were waiting on quotes and complained about the place, the flights.. you name it. Top it all off she went on to tell my other BM how rotten I am thinking that since we made alot more money than her family we should help her pay because that was not what she bargined for. Needless to say her drama was affecting everything about the begining process of my DW and I was only engaged for 2 months. No longer did I feel bride like at all ... I felt like I did something wrong on a daily basis and couldn't even have a phone conversation because my day was consumed with getting wedding stuff going. In the end, I just told her that I was done with it, if she didn't want to come or be in the process because of her own issues then it was fine.. but stop blasting about me to people that really care and are coming and creating the stress in all our lives. It killed me to know that one decision of doing something that We really wanted for us would ruin a friendship I worked so hard at keeping. In the end I later found out it was all about jelousy and money. She couldn't deal with the things we could do with our lives, while she sat at home. - Her words

 

Hopefully you will have a better outcome when you speak with your friend... and glad you vented as it always helps in making anyone feel better about the situation.

[DarcyJAde]

Wow! Thanks for sharing your story 2bebridejamaica. Did she ever end up coming to your wedding? Are you still friends? Such a tragedy when friendships go sour because of jealousy.

[2bebridejamaica]

Nope, we have not talked at all really. She emailed after the wedding to snoop mostly on who else went and where certain people were. I commented back on a few things.. but left her to wonder and try to dig out the info somewhere else. In an email she went on to say "It's too much work to hate you anymore".. NICE way to start an email right Everyone knows the game with her ... so mostly my friends will play nice when she comments on something to them on FB or MS. But it's for the best now I see. You can never make everyone happy and have the 3 sets of friends - friends forever- friends for right now - and friends you will one day meet.

 

Hope this helps 8o)

[**~Jenn~**]

I never really realized how Jealous people can be until I got engaged.

While I can't relate as far as a close friend being Jealous, because thankfully, my best friends are nothing but supportive and my one friend who is a BM is traveling alone to Mexico beacuse her boyfriend is out of work..So my good friends are all good :-) But other friends are just plain Jealous!!

My one friend that I have known since high school used to piss me off, until I just let it go. She would "complain" that all I talked about was the Wedding (which is correct..I do always talk about it, hello!) But I made it a point to not do that when I was around her. And if I did, she changed the subject, quickly. I put up with it a while, but then I was like, I have been there fro ALL of my friends over the years. I am the first to plan something for them or with them, especially her and why the hell should I have to watch what I say about my Wedding because this girl is jealous and is with a loser who still lives at home with his mom waiting on him hand and foot?(For the past 6 years) After a couple more incidents I just stopped calling her.

She would call me and be like, Hello, are you still alive? what's going on stranger? and I would talk to her, but never long. It's not worth it and if your friends can't be happy for you, Genuinely happy, then they aren't your friends.

 

Now, this "friend" has joined the gym with me and one of my BM's, and she goes in the morning when we go and she is forced to listen and talk about the Wedding because alot of the times, that's what the topic of the morning is..Hahahahahaha

 

I say..Talk it out with your friend, But honestly...Anyone who loves you should be happy for you, no matter what is going on in their lives or even if they are a little Envious.

Good luck!!

[big3n09]

It is really amazing how people will act when you need their support the most. My sisiter can be a handful and when we looked at dresses a month ago she already was complaining so I told her we weren't doing a wedding party and she acted dissappointed, so I'll put that on the burner for now. However, I have seen friends not be supportive and admit that 10yrs ago when my best friend got pregnant she later bought it to my attention how I was not being supportive at that time. Over all I am the most outgoing and dependable out of all my friends so I feel they could treat me the same and so far no real problems. I would suggest you talking to her about it and if it doesn't change you have to make a decision on where your friendship stands with her. You may have to distance her for now in life we move at different paces and she just may not be able to accept where you are in your life right now. I would have the heart to heart with her and then see the results then decide. Jealousy is such a killer of everything it touches!

[big3n09]

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2bebridejamaica Nope, we have not talked at all really. She emailed after the wedding to snoop mostly on who else went and where certain people were. I commented back on a few things.. but left her to wonder and try to dig out the info somewhere else. In an email she went on to say "It's too much work to hate you anymore".. NICE way to start an email right Everyone knows the game with her ... so mostly my friends will play nice when she comments on something to them on FB or MS. But it's for the best now I see. You can never make everyone happy and have the 3 sets of friends - friends forever- friends for right now - and friends you will one day meet. Hope this helps 8o)

Good for you, especially recognizing where people fit and their positions in your life.

[Hartyt509]

I've got a friend like that. We called each other every day and were like sisters until I said I was getting married, bear in mind she had got married 3 months before lol, hardly speak now and i can't be arsed lol she said the other day whats happening with the wedding and I said why you asking you don't care lol that killed that convo.

 

Can't be bothered to pretend anymore let them get on with it miserable gits!

[August2010Bride]

This is the VERY reason I'm thinking of not having ANYONE in my wedding but the two of us. To alk to your friend and try to figure out if she truly wants to be apart of your wedding, if not it's better to find out sooner than later. Hang in there!

[cougs]

i had basically the same thing happen with a friend of 18 years (practically inseparable ... in fact some people thought we were a lesbian couple, lol!). in my case, it happened when tom and i first started dating. she was so jealous and just couldn't be happy for me, and always b*tched that i spent all my time with him and invited him out with us all the time. she was all "woe is me" and lonely, but ya know, it wasn't my fault she was banging a married guy (still is!) and that's why she didn't have someone to go out with on friday nights. she complained i judged her (hell yeah i did!) and wasn't there for her, and then continued to bring up every time i disappointed her in the 18 years she'd known me. guess she thought she had been a perfect friend and just conveniently "forgot" everything good i'd ever done for her (which was a hell of a lot, i might add).

 

long story short (too late) we are no longer friends, other than occasional emails and facebook. my fiance can't stand her (mostly because of how much he knows she hurt me by throwing our friendship away, but also because he thinks she's a tramp), and she was NOT invited to mexico for our wedding (and i had always thought she'd be my MOH!). she will be invited to our AHR only, as will her parents (who i adore).

 

i'm still hurt over it sometimes, and still feel weird about not even inviting her to the wedding. i don't let tom know because he would just be mad that i'm still letting her bother me.

 

just know that people come in and out of our lives for a reason.