Young kids at the reception?

H&F · March 15, 2009

I have a "young kids" question. My FI has a couple of friends who recently had kids (I'm guessing the ages are from 1 yr to 4 yrs). Personally, I feel that it's rude to bring kids of this age to someone else's wedding and especially to a destination wedding. I must admit that I know nothing about kids but I imagine that an evening wedding would not work to well with young kids and their feeding & bed times.

Would those of you with kids please tell me what you think? Am I worrying to much about this? I would just hate to have these parent's come to the wedding and then leave early b/c they have to put the kids to bed. It's tricky b/c we are all staying at a hotel but having the wedding offsite at a villa. I just can't wrap my mind around how this will work but maybe I'm just being to "type A" about the whole thing.

My FI is furious at me right now b/c I suggested that if he talks to these friends he should let them know that we are having an evening wedding so they can decide if they want to bring the kids. He feels that I'm picking on his friends which I'm not-- I just don't want to be spending my wedding week worrying about how to make special accomdations. Please understand that I'm really not trying to sound mean about it I'm just really frustrated that this is something else that will be on my plate & my FI just doesn't get it when it comes to thinking ahead and planning ahead. He's one of those great people who thinks "the more the merrier" and everything will just work itself out.

Ok, I've vented enough & he still hasn't come back downstairs. Thanks for listening to me!

lil_miss_frogg · March 15, 2009

I have an 8 year old and a 17 month old and I can see where you are coming from. But if somebody invited me to a DW I know that I couldn't leave my two kids at home with Grandma. I would like the vacation away from them, but getting a babysitter for 1-4 days (or longer) when my mom has to work and it would be totally hard and outta the way for her to take/pick them up from the sitter. Another thing to think about, not that this is your case, but like my wedding is during the week...I hate that I have to take my daughter and my sister has to take her kids out of school for a week, especially so close to the end of the school year. But my sister has already told me it is worth it to her.

And about having to leave a reception early...when you have kids your life isn't just about you anymore. You do have to give up fun when others are having some. I don't know the last time FI and I went out on a date just the two of us, but this is just something that comes with being a parent. I don't know how others feel, but this is my two cents.

H&F · March 15, 2009

Thanks so much Lill Miss Frog! I appreciate your advice. We want everyone to have fun and feel welcome. I'm going to try to not worry about how we will take care of the kids for now. Hopefully, we'll get a good idea before we get to the wedding.

BTW-- I love your frog siggy!

lil_miss_frogg · March 15, 2009

I re-read what I wrote and I was loike....wow...that is a lot of babble...lol. I wrote it last night and I was kinda sleepy. But I guess what I was trying to say is, if these are people your FI wants at your wedding and if it means they bring their kids so be it. It should ruin how much fun you're having. Just don't get upset if they can't do some of the things you have arranged for your guests to do, like excursions and going out to party. To be honest, I don't know if I would travel that far from home with two small children....so you should feel special they are willing to drag them that far for your special day. If that sounds rude, I'm sorry, I am not trying to sound that way at all. I know I hate taking far away vacations with one baby let alone two. I'm not sure how far of a flight it is from your FI friends to your wedding location, but traveling on a plane for that long with two small kids, one who is an infant isn't fun at all....for anybody. They just want to make it to your wedding and have fun with their babies at the same time. I HOPE that you don't take any of this the wrong way. It is your day and you and your FI are the ones that have to make the decision in the end. It will all work out for you! You will have a great wedding either way. DW are about family, friends, and fun in the sun....so that's what you gotta do....have some FUN!

~Samie~

Laurita · March 15, 2009

Quote:

Originally Posted by H&F

I have a "young kids" question. My FI has a couple of friends who recently had kids (I'm guessing the ages are from 1 yr to 4 yrs). Personally, I feel that it's rude to bring kids of this age to someone else's wedding and especially to a destination wedding.

Well, I wouldnt say that it is rude to bring kids to weddings. Sometimes it is just that either you come with your children or you dont come at all. Of course if you want to have kids free wedding then you just have to accept that some people may not be able come.

I have a 4-year-old daughter and I would never have left her for 4 days with a babysitter when she was 1-year-old. But now that would be possible, lately she has spent some weekends with grandparents and she loves it!

Perhaps you could try to organize a babysitter there for the time of the wedding? Or put your FI to talk with his friends that would they be able to come without the kids.

Dont worry I am sure that everything will work out fine!

lolkitteh · March 16, 2009

I don't think it's rude to bring young children to a wedding, assuming that the wedding invitation was extended to the whole family. However, if your invitation does not include the children, then yes, it is rude to bring them, just as it would be rude to bring any other uninvited guest.

I would add, however, that if a parent knows that their child is incapable of putting on a "public face" in a formal situation such as a wedding, then that parent should have the good judgment not to bring their child, invited or not. If it's pretty clear that the child in question is incapable of putting on a "public face" (IE, will run around disturbing other guests, has crying or screaming meltdowns, cannot sit quietly during the ceremony, etc.) then yes, it is rude of the parent to bring them, despite an invitation.

That said, parents of young children are going to have a really hard time if they cannot bring thier children to a destination wedding. While I think it is OK to specifiy that certain events in a wedding (such as the ceremony or reception) are adults-only, I really don't think it's polite or practical to prevent parents from bringing their kids to the destination - it's their money, their vacation. Also remember that children are family members - some people just would not consider traveling without them. Just think about how hurt you might feel if someone told you that you could come to their destination wedding, but not your husband.

We have a few guests with young children who will not be invited to the ceremony and reception. We have made a childcare service available to those people. I'm sure that the resort can help you arrange this, too. Another option is to choose an adults-only resort, which will ensure that not only your wedding, but your destination is childfree. Again, however, expect that many people with children will simply choose not to go in this case.

Betsy · March 16, 2009

I have read a few posts on this - I'm sure if you do a search you will be able to find some more posts......here are a few to get you started

http://bestdestinationwedding.com/forum/t37571

http://bestdestinationwedding.com/forum/t37280

http://bestdestinationwedding.com/forum/t35879

JelBel32 · February 4, 2011

Does anyone know what happened to H&F? She also was registered as windycitygirl on the forums. I planned on buying her maggie sottero reese dress after her wedding.

Heather Holmes and Farhad Sigari is the name on her wedding profile. It doesn't seem like she ever came back to review her Dreams Villamagna and Casa Las Palapas wedding.

I found her wedding registry under Heather Holmes and Farhad Sigari Wedding registry on Amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/registry.html?ie=UTF8&type=wedding&id=EL3AYWFQ2S2O

It lists their wedding date as October 24, 2009. But no contact information. She was very active on the wedding boards so I was just wondering WTH happened?

This is the dress and size I am interested in purchasing

http://www.bravobride.com/p/maggie-sottero-reese-18160.html

http://www.projectwedding.com/biography/list/windycitygirl

If anyone knows how to get in touch with Heather and Farhad lemme know, I hope eveything is okay.