If you can't make the wedding, at least do something to show you care

[SunBride]

So this is a tangent from Neen's thread http://bestdestinationwedding.com/forum/t31301

 

Another thing that bugged me a lot, is that of all the really important people who missed the wedding, not one of them thought of doing something special to show their support or their presence in spirit.

 

In the few days before the wedding, I did get several emails wishing us good luck (and by several, I don't mean a ton, really, there are so many other people that could have been nice enough to send an email).

 

But on the wedding day itself, we didn't get one email saying people were thinking about us (sure, maybe we'd be too busy to read it that day, but it would still warm my heart to read it later and see they were thinking of us on the day or at the exact time of the ceremony).

 

I also kinda thought that people might give us something to take with us (i.e. a girlfriend giving me something special to wear, even if it was to hide under my dress) or write a little message/letter for me to open that day, or ask my parents to say a toast or a few words on their behalf, ANYTHING!

 

But nobody, not my best friend of 20 years, my husband's best friend, our closests "couple friends", my godmother, grandma, aunt who really really wanted to be there, nobody thought of doing anything besides sending an email in the few days before.

 

I guess I set myself up for disappointment because the thought that this might happened did cross my mind about a week before the wedding (I considered asking my best friend to write a toast for my parents to read, but then decided no, that if she wanted to say something she should do it without me requesting it).

 

Oh yeah, and I only got 2 wedding cards in the mail. They both came from distant friends I hadn't seen in a few years. I was so impressed that they would send a card. What high class ladies.

 

And I guess people thought that since there was an AHR maybe they thought they didn't need to do anything for the wedding. Of course everyone gave cards there. But still, that was 3 months later! I would have liked some recognition about the actual wedding day (I'm not saying people should have sent 2 cards, but you'd figure that at least a few people would have done that, or that more people would have sent emails, or whatever)

 

And when we got back, only a couple people emailed us to ask how the wedding went!!! Again, I was surprised as one was from an uncle I don't normally speak to via email. Didn't anyone else care to know how it went ? ? ?

 

Okay end of rant. I have been holding that one inside me for 6 months

 

So having been through that one myself, I've decided that from now on I am mailing a card to everyone I know well who gets married, regardless of whether I am giving a gift, whether I can attend, whether I'm even invited in the first place. If they are somebody even minorly important to me they are getting a card and if I am missing the wedding then an email on the day a few days before (and another one the day of if they are more important to me), to let them know I am thinking of them.

 

I hope some of the other brides out there had some special people do nice gestures for them.

[KAMAY11]

I hear ya SunBride!

I am absolutely amazed at how some of our friends and family have let us down throughout the process of planning our wedding.

I am still disappointed and upset at my BM that did come. we ended up getting in to a HUGE fight the day before my wedding...http://bestdestinationwedding.com/forum/t31093

I wish she hadn't come!! It's amazing how people's true colors coming shining through in moments like that!

[monicaswave]

Sunbride,

 

I am so sorry you feel very dissapointed with some of your friends and family. If it makes you feel any better I have gone through the same situation here. There are two important things I have learned from my wedding planning experience:

 

1) Some people that you really really from the bottom of your heart expected to support you on such a special time of your life will not

2) Other people that you are not that close with and did not expect to be there will

 

I learned this the hard way so from now on I just focus on the second lesson.

 

I became really really really dissapointed with two of my BMs too. One is my Maid of Honor who also happens to be my sister and my very best friend. Both girls happen to be in relationships with guys that completly consume not only their entire time but also existance. It is really sad because any time I needed their help for something they were always "busy." I wasn't going to be begging them for help so I just gave up with them and stopped asking. My best friend was even 2 hrs late to my bridal shower because she was having "issues" with the boyfriend before the party. And that's because she had promised my mom she would be there early to help decorate too.

 

I am just grateful that I have other wonderful friends that realized my BMs were completly ignoring me and stepped up to the plate and helped me out with small things.

 

In a way I'm glad that this wedding has helped me realize who really cares about me or not. It's a true test of friendship and I'm glad I am realizing this so I don't spend more time with people that are not worth it.

[2bebridejamaica]

This sounds all too familar right now... I have gone through already being mad and upset at people... and realized even though my wedding day hasn't come yet ... I am just surprised how people who I thought were my friends... really are just the people that you hang out with when it's available... People who swore up and down they were coming to the wedding, then again to our Bride and Groom Pub Crawl... and even my shower a few weeks ago... they have contact with me 2 times during the week even if it is just emails... and I mean many emails in one day ... but NOT even coming to my shower... when you said you were coming... geezz.... it's a huge let down either way. I too have made the point to celebrate everyone's EVERYTHING..and I mean everything... cards just to say HI because it's halloween, birthdays, colds, weddings, even sick kitties. I know I am going overboard but I don't want people to think that I don't think about them. It's a rotten feeling to think it on yourself when it happens... soo why do it to someone else.

[DanielleNDerek]

my wedding is in a week well 9 days but whose counting and i hadnt given it much thought until i read your post. No one has called or emailed to find wish me luck. I really hope some of my friends and family unless call me by the wedding.

[cougs]

funny how our "real" friends don't do crap, but the girls here on BDW who we don't even know go nuts for us with the well-wishes, posts on our wedding days, desire to hear all about it and see pics, compliments, support, etc.!

[DanielleNDerek]

that's why bdw is so great. it got me through so many rough patches during the planning process

[2bebridejamaica]

You've got it right... without being on here ... where would we vent, share our stories, and make us soooo excited for our day!! I am addicted to the site and it's all to give me a good cheer up when I don't know where it's all taking me. Without all you girls seriously... how much of a nervous and spastic wreck would we all be!!

[BachataBride]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mummergirl funny how our "real" friends don't do crap, but the girls here on BDW who we don't even know go nuts for us with the well-wishes, posts on our wedding days, desire to hear all about it and see pics, compliments, support, etc.!

You said it right girl!! I guess it's because we all know what each other is going through! Some people outside the "wedding world" don't really know what it's like I guess!
Is it terrible that I come here to share with you girls first...before even my MOH?? (not my mom though! she is always #1!!)

[beachbride08]

Quote:

Originally Posted by monicaswave Sunbride, I am so sorry you feel very dissapointed with some of your friends and family. If it makes you feel any better I have gone through the same situation here. There are two important things I have learned from my wedding planning experience: 1) Some people that you really really from the bottom of your heart expected to support you on such a special time of your life will not 2) Other people that you are not that close with and did not expect to be there will I learned this the hard way so from now on I just focus on the second lesson. I became really really really dissapointed with two of my BMs too. One is my Maid of Honor who also happens to be my sister and my very best friend. Both girls happen to be in relationships with guys that completly consume not only their entire time but also existance. It is really sad because any time I needed their help for something they were always "busy." I wasn't going to be begging them for help so I just gave up with them and stopped asking. My best friend was even 2 hrs late to my bridal shower because she was having "issues" with the boyfriend before the party. And that's because she had promised my mom she would be there early to help decorate too. I am just grateful that I have other wonderful friends that realized my BMs were completly ignoring me and stepped up to the plate and helped me out with small things. In a way I'm glad that this wedding has helped me realize who really cares about me or not. It's a true test of friendship and I'm glad I am realizing this so I don't spend more time with people that are not worth it.

This is so true!!! There was a big blow-up between FI and his brother who he had always been close with, but is not coming to the wedding and they haven't spoken to one another in over a year (he said a lot of other hurtful things to FI that had nothing to do with the wedding which is the reason they haven't spoken). We have about the same number if not more friends and co-workers coming to the wedding than family. That actually didn't even really bother me because we have great friends, some of which I have known almost my whole life so they are like family. The friends that can't make it have already started sending emails with well wishes since they can't be there with us. We knew not everyone could make it to the wedding, and there are some people we really wish could be there but know financially they can't. To get an email or card from them a week before we leave means a lot since we know they are still thinking about us and wishing they could be there.