Guest issue!

[Hartyt509]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JamaicaBride062108 How are you booking? If you are doing a group then I say go ahead and let the extra couple join. We booked as a goup and several people who swore up and down they would be there aren't coming so we were stuck trying to fill spots. In the end we lost about $3000 in deposits for people who said they were coming and didn't. If you do have tag-alongs just don't invite them to the wedding/reception. If they want to use the time as a vacation that is fine.

you have to be joking!! I've told my lot to book it for themselves its not costing me if they back out - you're too nice lol

[Princess402]

I personally would not invite someone that I didn't want to or plan on inviting!

While it's great that people may want to come on vacation with you, what they don't realize is that there are a lot of per person charges that you have to pay for on your actual wedding day even though it's an all-inclusive.

 

I would just try and make it clear that while people are welcome to join you on vacation (if you like, but maybe you also want to keep the vacation time a family and close friends time?) but that you can only accomodate those who have been invited for the actual wedding ceremony and reception.

 

Good luck, that's a tough situation! I will not be sending out my STD's for awhile yet (still haven't determined a date/place) but I'm afraid I may encounter the same problem...

[Taradactyle]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kellywinter1 Ugh! I feel your frustration. Since my fiance and I told our family and friends about us having a destination wedding we have gotten nothing but grief. People have complained about where we are going, how much its going to cost and on and on. I am upset because the people we want at the wedding most are the ones that complain the most and are unsure if they will attend. But all the people I didn't plan on inviting and heard about our plans from word of mouth are wanting to come.....

me too.. all the people i really want to come are unsure and/or said they can't come. meanwhile people who were on the "b-list" sent in their RSVPs. people who heard word of mouth asked if they can come or told us straight out they will come. it's upsetting and stressful, but i decided screw it... regardless of who does or doesn't come, my FI and are going and it's gonna be AWESOME.

[LadyCheese]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kellywinter1 Ugh! I feel your frustration. Since my fiance and I told our family and friends about us having a destination wedding we have gotten nothing but grief. People have complained about where we are going, how much its going to cost and on and on. I am upset because the people we want at the wedding most are the ones that complain the most and are unsure if they will attend. But all the people I didn't plan on inviting and heard about our plans from word of mouth are wanting to come.....

omg I can so relate!! we are facing the same issue, the family members are complaining that its too much and half of them are not going to make it...and then the friends that we hardly see that we thought would not come--have already RSVPd and booked!!

[diezelgrrl]

ugh! i've been fighting with this issue since we announced our wedding location! it seems like random people (co-workers, friends of friends, friends of family members, distant cousins) want to take a vacay in hawaii and go to our wedding! we had a huge arguement between the two parents b/c they couldn't understand why only immediate family were invited and why they would need to turn down their friends and other family. but we're paying for the whole thing ourselves and basically told everyone else that it's an extremely small location and we only budgeted for a certain amt of people. that usually stops the self-invites since we imply that we don't have the money to have a hundred people there...and then we tell them the date of our AHR and that usually works out pretty well.

 

I would send out save the dates asap if I were you. and let word get around that guest space is limited to the people who received notice...

[djtinnie]

i had the same issue however we were upfront especially with both sets of parents that we wanted a small, intimate wedding with our immediate family and our closest friends. we told them who exactly is on the guest list and did not ask their input on who we should invite. we kept it at that. then i got a couple of calls saying oh can i invite so and so. i said no we are keeping our guest list to a minimum. do not feel bad or budge on your guest list. it's your wedding invite who you want!!!

[S2BLennon]

Quote:

Originally Posted by tkim I have the EXACT same problem. I have quite a few people who we aren't really close to but they have invited themselves. (Several people told us that they can make it... even though we never invited them). Others invited random friends to the wedding without asking us... So like you are, I'm getting the sense that people just want to go on vacation and think this is a good excuse, without thinking that this is a special event for us... Anyway, I didn't send formal invites to these people. I figure that a verbal "we can come" doesn't hold much weight... and that they won't end up booking. On the other hand, if they are serious, maybe your bridesmaids can help spread the word that you'd rather keep this a more intimate event for closer friends and family.

Funny, how people are, I think that even if I were a potential guest I would respect the b&G and wait to get an invite prior to asking / booking a vacation.. I wouldn't want to intrude. It all comes back to people thinking that is just a group vaca and not a personal experience.

Quote:

Originally Posted by starchild Ahhh wedding planning....a great way to find out which of your friends/family are total ding-dongs! It's happened to many of us. The info can be in bold type, underlined, italicized, and sure enough someone will amaze you by asking where it is. Good luck and hang in there, I promise that guest relations are the worst part of planning

You ain't kidding- I really think that no one is normal! They are all weird. Just when you thought you knew someone.

Quote:

Originally Posted by becks We've all dealt with it - where's the wedding... who do I call... can I bring my neighbor's cousin's mother-in-law... FI and I were REALLY up front about it. We found that the phrases "intimate wedding" and "immediate family and a few close friends" were key to getting our message across. Don't get pressured into increasing your guest list, and don't let people assume that just because it's an all inclusive resort that you aren't paying for things. Feel free to let it slip to a few key people that the cost of the reception is going to be $XX per person - and add the phrase "it's quite a bit more than we anticipated, but we want it to be special". People will figure it out. Good luck!!!

I like that quote- I am stealing it!

Quote:

Originally Posted by cmmdee Omgosh...omgosh... I can SOOOOOOOO relate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot tell you HOW many people have asked me, can I bring so and so and so and wants to bring their friend. UH, yeah it's a vacation spot, but also VERY MUCH a wedding! I cannot tell you how many times I've wanted to cry over this so I am so glad you can relate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you decide yu're just sticking to your guest list, tell your FBIL, that you have chosen to only invite a certain amount of people and we're planning on getting away much from the 'master guest list.' It is hard but they ahve to realize you are also planning your wedding an dpaying per person, etc. I can totalllllllllllllllllly relate. And this is how I have felt during these times: LOL

Quote:

Originally Posted by tkim me too.. all the people i really want to come are unsure and/or said they can't come. meanwhile people who were on the "b-list" sent in their RSVPs. people who heard word of mouth asked if they can come or told us straight out they will come. it's upsetting and stressful, but i decided screw it... regardless of who does or doesn't come, my FI and are going and it's gonna be AWESOME.

aint that the truth- I try to tell myself that no matter what - 20 years from now I will not remember, nor care about who added to the stress / attended, I will remember the amazing wedding we had and how very special it was.... I keep trying to tell myself not to sweat the small stuff! But on the other hand I don't want to be "wrong" and end up a bitchy bride by sticking to my guns / or a bridezilla for loosing it dealing with peoples shit...

O well!

[raisinblur]

I had the same problem too! What's up with people who think they can invite themselves to someone's wedding?? I just don't get it. Luckily for us, it turned out to be just few extra people (friend of a friend type thing; they were more like an acquaintance for us), so we just sucked it up, and ended up "officially" inviting them as well. I don't know what we would have done if there were more though.

 

It's tough, but at the end the day, it's your wedding so it's your call. If you tell people that you want it to be small and intimate, will they get a clue?

[S2BLennon]

Hopefully they will get a clue! At this point it is only one extra couple, and they were pretty good friends with FI at one point, but always mainly more his brothers friends...

 

If I send them an invite and suck it up I also open up the fact that I want to invite another friend that is kinda "random"

 

the more the merrier!?

 

Funny cuz my close family are the ones struggling with booking, and on top of it they are the ones with the $$$ to go!

[Jamaica08bride]

I am so glad to hear that I was not the only one who had to deal with this. I swear our STD cards were being passed around like trading cards. I think my mom was the main culprit. I was getting phone calls from the most random people saying "I heard you are getting married in Jamaica...You know I'll be there." I'm thinking how are you going to be there if you weren't even invited. In the end it all worked out. Most of my family was unable to come for various reasons (that's another set of issues) so that left us with a few slots open. As long as we were under 50 people the price for our reception was going to be the same so in February we just opened it up to anyone that wanted to come..LOL. We stayed under 50 and we have a few people coming to our wedding who we have never even met! But oh well I am so over all the drama I just want to be married already.