Is it okay? ... Probably not considered an AHR then?

We weren't thinking of doing an AHR at all, but now it doesn't seem so bad to have a get together after our DW.  Would it be okay just to invite people out to dinner at a restaurant?  It would be informal, people would pay for their own meals and there wouldn't be dancing or anything?  I guess that wouldn't be called an AHR but just a dinner? 

I am kind of the wrong person to answer this question... as my FI's family has "potlucks" whenever they have a party and I was brought up as when you have a party you provide.... So I think it would be great to invite everybody out to dinner after your DW but I think that people may be expecting to have their dinner paid for since they are going to be invited...

I'm sorry not trying to be mean if I sound it just saying my opinion..
 

Originally Posted by mrsbruff2b 

We weren't thinking of doing an AHR at all, but now it doesn't seem so bad to have a get together after our DW.  Would it be okay just to invite people out to dinner at a restaurant?  It would be informal, people would pay for their own meals and there wouldn't be dancing or anything?  I guess that wouldn't be called an AHR but just a dinner? 

I think that is perfectly ok. One of my friends recently had a 'courthouse' wedding not a destination wedding but she invited a few close friends to meet them for dinner afterward. She also requested that instead of bringing her gifts or cards that we pay for our own meal. It was a nice casual event and we all enjoyed being able to celebrate her recent marriage!

I don't think it would be considered an AHR since it's not hosted but it would still be a casual celebration of your marriage! Im sure people who couldn't make it to Mexico for your wedding will appreciate the chance to hear all about the wedding and the trip and to catch up!

I know tons of people who do that just a dinner at a restaurant with ppl paying for their own meals. Ppl still want to hear all about your wedding!

Hello!  I agree with SLLEFEBVR.  I'm the same way, if I invite - I pay.  Especially with "wedding" being associated with the dinner, I think guests don't expect to pay for a meal when celebrating someone's wedding.  My family wouldn't be happy about that but that's just me.  I'm am curious to hear how it all turns out.   

I think it might be okay but you would have to word it differently and make it very clear - politely - what the expectations were. Then it should be fine.

Why not just throw a BBQ in your backyard or the park. Might cost slightly more but probably not too much!

funny, I just had this same thought today. I would like to have some type of AHR meal, especially for my grandparents and FI's kiddoes (both of whom can't make it to Mexico). but when we get into including his family (who's NOT attending the wedding) and our friends who decided to go to europe instead, I'm not super in the mood to spend (another) $2500 to accomodate people for whom our wedding was not a priority.

this being said, I would like to celebrate with our friends and would feel silly wearing my dress at a more casual restaurant. I was thinking we'd let our friends know about the formal dinner (but also that if they wanted to attend, they would need to pay for their own meal) and then furnish a complementary champagne toast and cake cutting following the dinner. after, we could have drinks either there or go out downtown.

I know that traditionalists will abhor the notion of people paying for their own meal, but again, I'm not in the mood to put on two weddings. if you want dinner for free, COME TO MEXICO. if not, you're welcome to cake and champagne and an evening downtown with the bride and groom.

I was just thinking the same thing.  Inviting my friends to a nice restaurant for dinner and asking them to not bring gifts or anything, just pay their own way.  I'm not thinking of sending fancy invites or anything (likely word of mouth or a facebook event).  It's only for our friends anyway since all of our family will be coming to the DW.
 

Originally Posted by kellygrrrl 

funny, I just had this same thought today. I would like to have some type of AHR meal, especially for my grandparents and FI's kiddoes (both of whom can't make it to Mexico). but when we get into including his family (who's NOT attending the wedding) and our friends who decided to go to europe instead, I'm not super in the mood to spend (another) $2500 to accomodate people for whom our wedding was not a priority.

 

this being said, I would like to celebrate with our friends and would feel silly wearing my dress at a more casual restaurant. I was thinking we'd let our friends know about the formal dinner (but also that if they wanted to attend, they would need to pay for their own meal) and then furnish a complementary champagne toast and cake cutting following the dinner. after, we could have drinks either there or go out downtown.

 

I know that traditionalists will abhor the notion of people paying for their own meal, but again, I'm not in the mood to put on two weddings. if you want dinner for free, COME TO MEXICO. if not, you're welcome to cake and champagne and an evening downtown with the bride and groom.

I like the idea, although for me it would depend on how many people there are. If it's a large group then a meal out doesn't always work as you often only really get to talk to people sitting near you. I've been out with friends to celebrate their destination wedding after the fact and didn't expect not to pay. But then again, it was all very casual.

I think people are right - you would just have to manage expectations so that it was clear from the invitations who was paying for what.