Bridesmaid expectations

[Chitown Bride]

Hi everyone,

 

I have a question. I've been thinking about this for the last couple weeks now and I just thought to ask none other than my fellow brides on this site for some advice.

 

I am gettting married in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico on August 27, 2011 and have 6 bridesmaids. In the few months to come leading up to the wedding, I'm having my bridal shower, bachelorette party and fair-well reception for those people who can't make it to Mexico. My question is... Is it okay that I ask my bridesmaids to pay for the bridal shower since they are already spending money on their airfare, bridesmaid dress and hotel for the wedding? I feel really bad because they are spending so much to come to Mexico. I don't want to break their bank!  What are your thoughts? 

 

Concerned....

[ScorpioBride]

Hi there! I am having no bridal party because I couldn't bear to ask anyone to commit to coming and spending money. I think that six bridesmaids is a lot- you are very lucky! Having a shower, bachelorette and also a farewell party is quite a few events too. I am not sure what it is about the shower that you would like your bridesmaids to pay for- I thought showers are usually held at someone's home, and you provide a few bottles of champagne? I am not sure what costs are expected of showers, typically very few other than a few drinks. Some people bring gifts and it would be a shame to ask them to pay for more I think. So you may have to clarify that.

 

If your girls are already paying for your bacheloette, I wouldn't ask them to pay for the shower. Unless they asked of course. Since your bridesmaids are already paying for so much, especially their own dresses (that is something I would personally cover if I had a wedding party) I would advise against asking them to cover any payments, especially if they are also planning your bachelorette and shower. Just my two cents!

[skybride]

I agree with ScorpioBride...usually showers are hosted by members of the family, so maybe you have a sister, aunt, or cousin not in the wedding party who could host it for you?  Your maids will be paying for a lot already (bachelorette parties are usually more expensive than showers!) so cut them a break if you're able to.

 

You might also consider combining the shower and farewell party...it's really the women who care more about weddings than men (huge generalization, but I think it's true), so you might be able to have a more lavish shower or just a farewell party that includes everyone.

[JQLong]

Whew...I had not even thought of a bridal shower!  Silly me....I thought the shower & the bachelorette party were the same thing!  (silly of me...).  Things add up quickly....but you only get married....well....I should say...."getting married is very special (regardless of how many times)" people who love and care about you will try to make things easier for you I'm sure!

 

JQ

[Sllefebvr]

 

 

My brother got married two years ago in Walt Disney World.. Our whole family is from out of town... New Hampshire, so everybody had to travel.... My FI and I ended up in total spending about $3000.00 on accommodations, park tickets, and airfare to and from Florida. I was in the wedding and paid for my own dress, chipped in for her bridal shower and we all pitched in for a "stag and doe" type party!! When your friends accepted the invitation to be your bridesmaid they had the chance to respectfully decline. I was fully aware of the expenses that I would have to pay for and more or less we did the parties because we wanted to not because it was expected of us. Your wedding should be fun to plan let your girls worry about all of the parties!!

 

I am giving my girls two years to prepare everything, giving everyone enough time to save some money up and not have to rush!! haha and my maid of honor is already taking things away from me I was informed the other day I can't make tank tops for anyone!!! She's already got it covered!! Haha and she is already planning a bachelorette party for 2013 hahaha!! Got to love your best friends!!

 

I hope this helps but it looks like my outlook is a bit different from everyone elses!!

[beachbum21]

Ok here are my two cents:

 I've attended a range of showers from very large (catered) to very small (hosts/BMs/family made food).  The ones I've been too are usually hosted by family, and the bridesmaids have pitched in but usually to help with making food or organizing games. The bachelorettes have usually been hosted by the BMs.  Destination weddings are costly for guests/wedding parties so if you can alleviate some of the pain, it might help - if your girls are already expecting to host/pay for it and don't mind than you probably have nothing to worry about... maybe ask them if they've talked about a shower at all?

  I personally didn't want a shower but my BMs are insisting on having a shower for me, which is really very sweet of them, so I've suggested low key and maybe suggesting guests bring wine for our cellar versus other gifts. We already live together and have everything we need! But we love our wine

 

I also agree with Sllefbvr, accepting the role of bridesmaids means sharing the fun in planning the wedding but also taking on some expense (dresses, parties, travel, etc...) so leave it up to the girls to worry about planning your parties!  Good luck

[jenniferkuhr]

Great, great question.  I would say to encourage them to participate and attend, but let them know NO gifts!  This will take some of the pressure off.  If possible, encourage folks to arrange something less expensive  (i.e. a night out in a city close to everyone, as opposed to flying to Vegas).  One cute idea for a less expensive bachelorett or shower is a "panty party."  This became HUGE with my group of girlfriends.  Everyone brings a pair of cute new panties as a present and you strong them up.  The bride has to guess who each pair is from!  (guests try to pick a cute pair that is more their style or has a design of some significance to them....i.e. a teacher might find a pair with an apple print...)

[Sllefebvr]

 

 

Originally Posted by jenniferkuhr 

 

Great, great question.  I would say to encourage them to participate and attend, but let them know NO gifts!  This will take some of the pressure off.  If possible, encourage folks to arrange something less expensive  (i.e. a night out in a city close to everyone, as opposed to flying to Vegas).  One cute idea for a less expensive bachelorett or shower is a "panty party."  This became HUGE with my group of girlfriends.  Everyone brings a pair of cute new panties as a present and you strong them up.  The bride has to guess who each pair is from!  (guests try to pick a cute pair that is more their style or has a design of some significance to them....i.e. a teacher might find a pair with an apple print...)

 

I love this!! Such a cute idea!!

 

[MrsRobinson12]

I agree with most comments. I already feel terrible asking my friends to come and pay all of the money for our Mexico wedding (I have already had two bridesmaids drop out... even though I gave them 15 months to save the money). Anyways! I would say that one of your family members would be hosting the shower, and your friends shouldn't have to get you anything, maybe a small gift as a group? I am telling my wedding party that they do not have to pay for any presents / shower / party or presentation because it's important that everyone feel comfortable!

[celticgirl]

I am not asking mine to pay for anything, they are still paying off their student debt and they are standing by my side because I wanted them too, It is not their responsibility to pay for a party that I dont really need.