Wedding Party a Disaster!

[Tiffanya21]

Let me start by saying that I feel like brides on here, whom I have never met in my life, and probably won't, help me way more than my wedding party (which is a complete disaster). I don't know what to do. We are about 6 months out from our wedding date, and my wedding party is just so uncooperative.

 

My MOH has NO idea what is going on with our wedding. Her and I grew up together, and we always talked about us getting married and being each others MOH. Yet, now that my time has come, she is no where to be found. She was there for my engagement and so happy for me, but it seems like her life is too complicated right now for her to even care about slight details in my wedding. I am NOT trying to be a bridezilla. Actually, I feel pretty calm about the wedding and details to date, BUT I do feel like she should be there for me more. I mean, aren't MOH suppose to be there to help pick out the dress, and invites, and places, and decor, and colors, and and and? My mom has been there for me this whole time luckily, but its not the same as a BFF.

 

What stinks is, in the beginning, I wanted my other friend to be in my wedding. I actually wanted her to be the MOH, but I couldn't do that to my childhood friend, so I just asked her to be a BM. She was understanding. Since that moment, her life has turned completely upside down. We went from planning our weddings together and talking wedding daily to her breaking up with her fiance and partying AT LEAST 4 nights a week. She has pretty much cut me from the cliche because I am the only one in a relationship. Any time I even bring up the wedding, she changes the subject. What is making me upset is, I stopped talking to her about the wedding out of respect/courtesy, and she questioned me. I told her plans were still the same regardless of her situation with her relationship. She was relieved. My mistake was, I thought that was the awkward conversation about weddings and I could carry on my wedding convo's, just not as often. I was wrong. Now, I don't know what to do. A girl I barely even know is a BM at this moment.

 

To top it off, the best man FORGOT he was asked to be the best man. AND the groomsman hasn't booked a room or flight or anything yet, and the deadline for booking under the group rate was over a month ago. The resort we picked does sell out! I am so nervous that he won't be able to book a room when he is ready/if he is ever ready.

 

I feel like my wedding party is so out of control and we only asked 4 people! For pete's sake, I thought they would be the easy part. In the beginning my fiance and I were so sure about these 4 people, now we are second guessing ALL of them. IMO its rediculous. These friends (and family) should be there for us now, more than ever. I would THINK they would want this to be the happiest day of our lives, and would want to contribute. Right now, I think we picked the wrong people. The only person I feel like I can count on is my future husband. I wish my friends were more supportive....or just friends at that. Sigh. Unfortunately, sitting down and talking our feelings out with these people has not worked. They put effort in for about a day then continue on as if we never told them we were hurt. Any suggestions?  

[JayKay]

Wow, I feel bad that you have to go through this.  I can say I have had the complete opposite experience and my MOH and BMs have been nothing but supportive and helpful!  I know its tough that they aren't helping out and its frustrating, but at the same time the only two people needed to get married are you and your FI.  Good luck with everything!

[Cassie South]

I'm not an expert in relationships but I read your post and felt the need to write a few words of encouragement.

 

My MOH decided he (yes he ha ha) couldn't afford to come to my wedding. I was very upset cause I had given him more than a years notice. I decided I just wasn't the type of bride that needed a MOH. My husband decided he didn't need a best man, so we planned our wedding without the support of those people. After reading your post, I think it was a good idea!

 

About a month before our wedding we looked at who had RSVP'd yes. I called one of my childhood friends who RSVP'd yes but I never expected her to make it (since she was living in Turkey and I was getting married in Australia). I asked her a month before the wedding to be my maid of honour. She was thrilled, especially when I told her that her only responsibility was to feed me champagne if I was getting bridzilla tendancies!

 

My husband did the same... He looked at who had RSVP'd yes and decided a month before the wedding his brother would be the best man. We did everything (except plan the travel) on our own and it worked out just fine.

 

When I read your post, I think the most encouraging part is that the one person you can count on is your future husband  Part of getting married is going through all that stress together and supporting each other when you have people from both sides getting involved. When all these other people are driving you mad, find strength and shelter in him...

 

If these people are causing you more grief then good, fire them. It's your wedding, your day, do it your way. Good luck!

 

Ginger

[Avelyad]

So sorry to hear you have to go through all of this. We have not chosen anyone to be in our party yet, and I'm not sure that I want to. It is hard to be so dependent on people and then have them flake? Again,my condolences. At least you have your man!

[daizyduke]

I'm sorry you are going through this.  It can't be easy.  Have you tried talking to them?  I know that sounds trite, but sometimes people don't realize how their actions, or in this case inactions affect other people. 

 

Otherwise, you can always do what Ginger did. 

[jamieirene]

This is awful! I hope it gets better!

[BusyBee123]

Poor Tiffany! I'm so sorry for you! Aren't bridal parties a pain in the butt?!?

 

I can totally sympathize.  Our deadline for booking with our group is this Friday, and one of the bridesmaids and neither of the groomsmen have booked! We've been on their case non-stop with no result.  So low and behold, I get an email from my BM to be saying that she was just about to call our TA when she realized that she should confirm that work had given her the time off.  Low and behold, her time off was not granted.  So now, 3 days before she needs to book, she doesn't think she can get the time off! Perfect!  And to top it all off, one of the groomsmen sent us an email saying that he can no longer afford the trip because he's stuck paying off his ex-girlfriends credit card which he ran all of the way up when they were together! So as of now, we're down half of our bridal party!!! How are people this inconsiderate?!

 

Needless to say, I hear your frustration, and I think a lot of us do.  The ideal image of a lovely helpful bridal party seems to not often be the reality!

 

On a happy note, my FI and I stayed at the Sunset Jamaica Grande about a year ago and absolutely loved it! Such a fun resort! Make sure you get to know Kevin at the Grill - he will make your dining experience an absolute pleasure! We ended up there 3 nights of the 7 because he was just so lovely and took such great pictures and care of us!  So at least know that if nothing else, your resort and wedding (bridal party or no bridal party) will be fantastic!

[Tiffanya21]

Thanks ladies for the support. I really appreciate it. You all are completely right. I feel so lucky that of all people, I can count on my fiance.

 

Ginger, that was probably very smart. I already considered doing the same. I have a friend who is attending. She is paid 100% and she really wanted to be in the wedding party but wasn't offended that I couldn't chose her. She has been a help when I needed it. I am thinking, if these "Friends" that are in my wedding party currently decide to flake out and totally not help on my wedding day, at least I know she will be there for me for those last minute details.

 

BusyBee123, I was thinking the same thing about the wedding party being so inconsiderate. We had a different groomsman, but he backed out just the way that yours is. He said at first, "I am DEFINITELY going!" But his gf isn't too friendly, to say the least. I am guessing she decided she didn't want to go, or want him to go because after they talked, he text us saying, "Sorry, I can't attend the wedding. I can't afford it right now. I am going on vacation in August and my final payment is due soon. I also am proposing, so I am saving up for a ring. Oh and I got hurt at work, so I am unstable and not sure what my health will be when October rolls around. Because I am hurt, I had to take off work, so its putting me in a bind with money. And...." I mean they went on FOREVER. It was like, ok just tell me your dog ate your plane ticket already. LOL. Nonetheless, we picked another flaky groomsman who is also not working out. I should have went with my original plan which was to have a MOH and a best man and that be it. I also should have done just what Ginger did, and wait until the last minute. Its just so hard when these people start assuming they are in your wedding party. Not to mention you just get so anxious to ask people to be in your wedding party, thinking it will be just like the TV weddings where all the friends are really supporting and so anxious for the wedding day and they are there for you every step of the way. I guess it is lessons learned. For me, it tells me what kind of friends they really are. The crappy part is, I would NEVER be that kind of BM to them. As a matter of fact, I was a BM in both of their weddings before they were both called off. I spent SO much time, effort, and money (which was all wasted later) on them. I guess I just think I deserve better than that.

 

I am going to try to talk with ALL of them again this week. One at a time. I really want them to try to understand how I am feeling. Hopefully they will recognize their behavior and become the ideal wedding party. We shall see. I will keep you girls updated on the outcome.

[Tiffanya21]

One more thing....

 

Originally Posted by BusyBee123 

 

On a happy note, my FI and I stayed at the Sunset Jamaica Grande about a year ago and absolutely loved it! Such a fun resort! Make sure you get to know Kevin at the Grill - he will make your dining experience an absolute pleasure! We ended up there 3 nights of the 7 because he was just so lovely and took such great pictures and care of us!  So at least know that if nothing else, your resort and wedding (bridal party or no bridal party) will be fantastic!

 I am SO happy to hear that you liked Sunset Jamaica Grande! I can not WAIT to get there. I have never been, but my parents visited, and also loved it. YAY. That is definitely something to look forward to, wedding party or not.

[Cassie South]

Good luck talking to them! Wedding party or no wedding party, you will have an amazing day in Jamaica with the one who really loves and supports you

 

Keep us updated and remember how amazing the final result of all this work is going to be!!!

 

Ginger