Uh oh....

[KTownKate]

Sorry if this has already been posted!

 

Last weekend, FI and I booked our wedding in Las Vegas for October 8, 2011. This is Thanksgiving weekend in Canada, so our hope is that guests won't have to use much vacation time if they want to jet down for our wedding. We know that having a DW means that many of our friends and family won't be able to attend and we're okay with that (we do plan on having a reception of sorts after we return though).

 

We are telling FI's parents tomorrow. I'm (somewhat unrealistically) thinking that his Mom is going to cry and that his Dad is going to yell. Although his Mom previously stated that it would be too hard for everyone to attend a wedding down south, we just can't afford to get married in our hometown. We are paying for our own wedding and after many lengthy discussions have decided Vegas was for us.

 

My questions for you are:

How did you break it to your parents that you were having a DW?

How did you respond to family members who didn't support your decision?

 

Thanks!

 

[cookiemunchkin]

Parents...  we told them that we wanted a small, intimate wedding and it was too hard to narrow down a guest list if we did it at home.  Destination wedding was our way of being able to invite everyone (and not offend anyone by not inviting them) and still know that we would have the small wedding we wanted.  Plus, even though it ultimately cost way more per person, our overall cost was about half of what it would have been if we got married at home and that was a huge factor for us since we were paying for the wedding ourselves.  The size part won over one set of parents, and the cost part won over the other set lol. 

 

Family members that didn't support our decision... unfortunately we are still dealing with that and our wedding has passed.  I feel worse for our mothers who are incredibly offended and angry that their families didn't come to our wedding, and there has been a lot of fighting going on between them and their siblings.  That part sucks

[mochamakes3]

Good luck Kate, I think most of us have had issues surrounding our DWs, at home weddings just have different issues.

 

We also planned our DW around a holiday with hopes more people would attend. I don't think it made any difference.

 

My parents always expected a DW so they weren't too surprised. Although I don't really feel like they have been completely honest with me about their expectations for our DW or all the other wedding related events. His parents were really worried about the cost since they would actually have to spend money to attend our DW. I have had a few fights with his mother demanding certain things like an ocean front and leaving on certain days. My comment was, if you don't like it, book your own vacation. Same thing with my sister complaining about the dates, if you don't like it, you don't have to attend.

[cookiemunchkin]

Oops hit submit too quickly there!

 

What we had told our family members that didn't support our decision was that we understand that not everyone will be able to (or want to) travel for our wedding and that we completely understand if they dont come, as much as we want them there.  We thought this would ease any bad feelings, but sadly it didn't.  Some extended family members thought (and still think) we were inconsiderate for choosing someplace so far away.  Thankfully though most of them understood that we wanted something different and special and were just sad that they were unable to make it. 

 

We realized though that whether you get married at home or someplace far away, you will never be able to please everyone.  So work on pleasing yourself, because you and your fiance are the ones who need to look back on this day and be happy with what you decided. 
 

Originally Posted by cookiemunchkin 

Parents...  we told them that we wanted a small, intimate wedding and it was too hard to narrow down a guest list if we did it at home.  Destination wedding was our way of being able to invite everyone (and not offend anyone by not inviting them) and still know that we would have the small wedding we wanted.  Plus, even though it ultimately cost way more per person, our overall cost was about half of what it would have been if we got married at home and that was a huge factor for us since we were paying for the wedding ourselves.  The size part won over one set of parents, and the cost part won over the other set lol. 

 

Family members that didn't support our decision... unfortunately we are still dealing with that and our wedding has passed.  I feel worse for our mothers who are incredibly offended and angry that their families didn't come to our wedding, and there has been a lot of fighting going on between them and their siblings.  That part sucks

 

[soon2bmrspierce]

I had always had wanted a wedding near the beach somewhere tropical.My mom was not all for our destination wedding because she felt tht people would be spending alot of money just to come to our wedding.She's now come @ a little since I booked it and told her basically it's what we wanted and waaay cheaper(we are paying ourselves too).As for family members,I already
have in my mind that not everyone will be able to come but I'll still have things the way I want.In the end I think that's what matters

Originally Posted by KTownKate 

Sorry if this has already been posted!

 

Last weekend, FI and I booked our wedding in Las Vegas for October 8, 2011. This is Thanksgiving weekend in Canada, so our hope is that guests won't have to use much vacation time if they want to jet down for our wedding. We know that having a DW means that many of our friends and family won't be able to attend and we're okay with that (we do plan on having a reception of sorts after we return though).

 

We are telling FI's parents tomorrow. I'm (somewhat unrealistically) thinking that his Mom is going to cry and that his Dad is going to yell. Although his Mom previously stated that it would be too hard for everyone to attend a wedding down south, we just can't afford to get married in our hometown. We are paying for our own wedding and after many lengthy discussions have decided Vegas was for us.

 

My questions for you are:

How did you break it to your parents that you were having a DW?

How did you respond to family members who didn't support your decision?

 

Thanks!

 

 

[lesee]

Well - my parents always knew that IF I got married it would be non-traditional and on a beach. My parents weren't expecting the costs associated with it. However - that being said - they insisted that we DID NOT go to Mexico with all the nonsense that is going on down there. The thing is, from what we found, Mexico was the cheapest and my FI absolutely did not want to get married down there so we chose the Dominican. Now my FI's family is a different story. Horrible from day 1 - they knew what we wanted before we got engaged. When we called his parents to tell them that we were finally engaged the first thing out of his mom's mouth was "you have to tell me when you're planning on doing this as some of us have to take time off work you know" - no congrats or anything - THEN his dad insisted he wasn't going to attend. It took 2 months for his dad to finally agree to come.

The rest of my FI's family were pretty ridiculous about the whole thing - I got to the point where I wanted to just tell people to just tell us they couldn't make it and stop telling me how expensive it was.  My mom started on the "too much money" train about a month and a half ago as well. I quietly told her that if she didn't think she could make it work financially, then she didn't have to come. This comment actually infuriated me because if I wasn't going to get married in April, she was going to go to Australia for 3 weeks with her friends which 1. the flight is pretty much the same cost as the entire trip to DR 2. I don't think she realizes that hotels are so expensive over there 3. food prices really high.

None of my friends are coming which really sucks but it's the way it goes.

I really didn't expect the pushback we received from our families in particular. We'd told everyone a year and a half ago what our plans were altho nothing was official yet and to start saving their pennies and everyone was really excited but when push comes to shove - no one came thru. Our wedding guests consist of immediate family and my FI's best friend. We wanted a small wedding so this is fine with us however I didn't appreciate the negativity.  Bottom line is that we wanted to go to an unreal location and stay and a nice place - none of our guests are paying over $2k each which was what we wanted. It's our wedding and we wanted a little luxury - and I'm not kidding when I say this...in hindsight...we should have ELOPED

You're not alone!

 

[spaterson]

My parents were completly supportive when we told them we were having a DW. We explained that we wanted something more small and intimate. I also explained that due to our busy work/school schedules I needed the wedding to be low key so we could actually enjoy it instead of adding more stress.

 

We've already had a few family members say that they can't make it and we replied that we'll miss their presence but completly understand.

 

I think the key to having a DW is to not make any expectations. We can't expect all of our families to be there and likewise our parents shouldn't expect their siblings to come. In my opinion: if they come: awesome! If they don't: no sweat.

[Aphrodite]

We are getting married in Dominican Republic.

I am Italian and it is pretty standard for us to have these BIG ellaborate weddings.  My FI doesn't have any family - dad has never been involved in his life and his mom passed away about 8 years ago.  I told my parents it wouldn't be fair to have this huge wedding just for our family.

 

I told them I wanted a DW.

They were a little annoyed but I started showing them all the things you could do there and how it really does look like any other wedding just with a beautiful beach in the background lol, they came around!

[Lua]

my parents actually suggested a DW!!!! so they were all for the idea right from the get go.  FI and I made the decision because we'd be paying for it ourselves, we liked that it would be low-key and it would be a great way to get our wedding and honeymoon in for one low price!   HIS parents on the other hand were not very impressed... they're Polish and have very traditional European views when it comes to weddings... it took a few months to convince them.  To be completely honest, I still get the feeling that they're not impressed on the whole thing because it's 4 weeks away and they still haven't shown their excitement or anything.. hopefully their attitudes will change once we all get down there!

[NurseM]

My parents were so so excited we told them the night we got engaged, they were so relieved and excited they got a vacation out of it as well. My FI and I are from different countries (Canada and USA) and different coasts Vancouver and Boston, so we felt the best thing to do was find a neutral ground for our wedding without offending any part of the family. My whole side felt great about it although when push came to shove I had some push back on some important people in my life who will not be attending. My FI mother, she can not stop complaining about the cost etc etc...and she says she would have given us the money if we would have had an at home wedding. We have finally told her if she doesn't like it don't come. But all in all we are pretty happy with the way it turned out the people we really want will be there .