Etiquette - Is it proper?

bmadzia1 · November 21, 2010

Hi Girls...

So, me and my FI are not having a bridal shower/wedding shower. We have been living together for a LONG time, and we have what we need. Instead, I'm thinking of asking my guests to 'donate' a tip for the reception, which we are planning to have on the beach.

Below is what I'm thinking of putting on our website. Please comment on how else I could word it so it doesn't seem so....... rude?

Please keep in mind that we are having just close family, close friends, and some of my parents' close friends.

"As you know, we have been living together for a long time, therefore, we have absolutely no need for a bridal shower or bridal registries.

Instead of putting our family and friends through the addtional expense of a bridal shower, we ask that you kindly help us out with our reception at the resort. If you are able, it would be great if we could all pitch in $15 gratuity per person to have the dancing following dinner on the beach."

chell44 · November 22, 2010

I don't think it's rude. and if anything people should be happy, It's alot cheaper than a gift. Your going to get alot of mixed reviews on here, but put yourself on the opposite end, if you went to a wedding and this was the case, how would you feel. Despite all the rules of etiquette, my bridesmaids are hosting me a money shower, to help with a down payment on our house. most people understand these days

jszy10 · November 23, 2010

Ok. I don't think it's rude, but I do think it could be worded a bit better!? Maybe instead of coming right out and stating that they are paying the tip, maybe stating it in a way that asks them for a "donation to the ceremony" or a "donation to your dream wedding"...something along those lines. Here is a possible update to what you had (I really hope you don't take offense!!! I just know it is helpful to hear some sort of suggestions, even if you don't end up using them!)

"As you may know, (FI's name) and I have lived together for quite some time, and have since gathered everything we need to begin our lives as husband and wife. Because of this, we have decided not to create a bridal registry and will not be having a bridal shower. Instead, we are kindly asking guests who would like to give a gift to make a cash donation to help us in having the wedding of our dreams!"

If you would like to have information about exactly how much, you could add after "Just a small gift of $15 a person would truly help us with the cost of...."

What do you think!?

bmadzia1 · November 23, 2010

This is PERFECT! This is exactly what I was looking for... Thank you very much !

Originally Posted by jszy10

Ok. I don't think it's rude, but I do think it could be worded a bit better!? Maybe instead of coming right out and stating that they are paying the tip, maybe stating it in a way that asks them for a "donation to the ceremony" or a "donation to your dream wedding"...something along those lines. Here is a possible update to what you had (I really hope you don't take offense!!! I just know it is helpful to hear some sort of suggestions, even if you don't end up using them!)

"As you may know, (FI's name) and I have lived together for quite some time, and have since gathered everything we need to begin our lives as husband and wife. Because of this, we have decided not to create a bridal registry and will not be having a bridal shower. Instead, we are kindly asking guests who would like to give a gift to make a cash donation to help us in having the wedding of our dreams!"

If you would like to have information about exactly how much, you could add after "Just a small gift of $15 a person would truly help us with the cost of...."

What do you think!?

jszy10 · November 23, 2010

Good!! You're welcome!

hamme · November 23, 2010

fantastic!!! All I could come up with was 'in lieu of gifts...'

Originally Posted by jszy10

Ok. I don't think it's rude, but I do think it could be worded a bit better!? Maybe instead of coming right out and stating that they are paying the tip, maybe stating it in a way that asks them for a "donation to the ceremony" or a "donation to your dream wedding"...something along those lines. Here is a possible update to what you had (I really hope you don't take offense!!! I just know it is helpful to hear some sort of suggestions, even if you don't end up using them!)

"As you may know, (FI's name) and I have lived together for quite some time, and have since gathered everything we need to begin our lives as husband and wife. Because of this, we have decided not to create a bridal registry and will not be having a bridal shower. Instead, we are kindly asking guests who would like to give a gift to make a cash donation to help us in having the wedding of our dreams!"

If you would like to have information about exactly how much, you could add after "Just a small gift of $15 a person would truly help us with the cost of...."

What do you think!?