Anyone going through/been through a LD relationship?

[Diva]

Hey guys,

 

Bittersweet news, my fiance's job transfer did not work out as planned, so we will be living apart as husband and wife for at least 3 months :-(

 

I feel lonely and stressed (not a good time with wedding planning) but I guess I can look at it as our first marital "test" of the relationship and roll with it.  

 

Sometimes it helps to talk with someone else who has been through it, or is going through it, so I am reaching out...

[snow88]

We have been living apart the whole time that we have been dating.  We live in different countries due to the work situation.  He has been offered a job here so hopefully that will work out.

 

It has been very difficult with the planning.  I really need some help. 

 

Good luck and I hope that it works out for you soon.

[Dana2]

We've been apart for much of our relationship. Honestly, I'm more worried about what's gonna happen when we're finally living together! After the wedding we'll still be living apart (about 5 hours) for about a year. I thought about waiting until I finish grad school before the wedding but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't have that hanging over me for more than 2 years. Actually, I know quite a few couple who have been apart during their marriage. 

[niajs]

Oh poor you Diva! FI and I were apart for the first year of our relationship. In fact, we met just one month before I was due to move across the country for work (granted, my country is not quite as big as yours!). The "end date" was supposed to be 2 years, but I couldn't handle all the travelling, so moved back earlier.

 

You say it's at least 3 months, how much longer might it be? The good thing is that you have an end point and something to look forward to.

[*Linds*]

Diva- no doubt in my mind that you can get through it! I'm not sure I would be one to agree with distance makes the heart grow fonder in all circumstances, however 3 months is literally the blink of an eye in terms of your entire lives spent together. DH and I were together for about 4 months before he moved 8 hours away at the beginning of our relationship. It was extremely rough...I was in college, he was starting his first job in a new city and we were apart, however it lasted for 8 months and we are now married. I honestly feel like if I can get through it, ANYONE can lol!

 

I know it isn't ideal, and I feel so sorry that you have to deal with this as a newly married couple, but unfortunately life throws us all curves sometimes and the strong will survive! XoXo

[Diva]

I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! It helps to know I am not alone in this and there are other ladies who have been through AND survived this! We too have been long distance for most of the relationship.  We live in two different states, but the longest we have ever gone without being together is one month. We are hoping for three months (until June) and at that point we need to re-evaluate what our plans are. I was SO looking forward to it coming to an end finally, then we got this news about the transfer...

 

 

I recently bought this book "The Commuter Marriage" by Tina Tessina, so we will see what insight I can get from that.

 

Thanks again ladies, yet another reason to love BDW forum :-) 

[dominiqueamber]

 I feel like i'm in a club now...I didn't know more of you BDW ladies were LD...FH and I have lived in seperate countries the whole time we've been together....We can't wait to end that although it will be some more time till then....Diva I love that your thinking of it as a test...I think you'll pass with flying colors...The fact that you've been together before gives you a good foundation and you have tons of memories to refelect back on (i'm still waiting fir that part) and get you through....Don't worry too much just enjoy the wedding(s) and savor the time you have now, three months goes super fast once you get past the first month  

[Sapphire723]

My first boyfriend and I had a LD relationship that ended up not working out.  However, the LD part wasn't the biggest issue.  It was the fact that when we lived closer together we realized that we weren't compatible any more (which I attribute to growing up). 

 

I'm a little concerned because I've got an awesome job offer that will likely involve some international travel (3-4 weeks away, 1 week back type of deal).  It's kinda my dream job and it'll be awesome for my career, but I really don't want to be away from John.

[dominiqueamber]

That's the scary part about LDR Sapphire, you never really know someone until......

 

I'm sorry your so worried. Is that a temporary or ongoing schedule?

 

Originally Posted by Sapphire723 

My first boyfriend and I had a LD relationship that ended up not working out.  However, the LD part wasn't the biggest issue.  It was the fact that when we lived closer together we realized that we weren't compatible any more (which I attribute to growing up). 

 

I'm a little concerned because I've got an awesome job offer that will likely involve some international travel (3-4 weeks away, 1 week back type of deal).  It's kinda my dream job and it'll be awesome for my career, but I really don't want to be away from John.

[Little Princess]

My FI and I are two different nationalities, we met on the internet about 6 years ago. We realised we liked eachother and met in person end of 2008, started dating beginning of 2009. I visited him May 2009 for 2 weeks, the August 09 for 3 weeks. End of Dec 09 he came to live with me for 6 months, we were apart 6 weeks before I visited him for 3 weeks, then another 6 weeks and then I moved to his house for 6 months. If you followed all that then you'll know that I know how you all feel

 

We're 5000 miles apart when we're both in our home countries! So it involves a lot of phonecalls, emails, texts, facebook messages, MSN conversations, webcams, Skype, letters...! My advice is think about how much work you think it would involve...triple it...and then you're close! You have to work SO much harder to make it work. Arguments are worse, you can't kiss and make up, you can't have that reassuring hug that makes it all ok because you know you still love eachother, so arguments last longer. You don't have the closeness, the "look" that just says "I love you", so you have to make sure you say it as often as you can.

 

And I'm no expert, when we're apart we fight like cats and dogs, but when we're together we make a fantastic couple (if I may say so myself!). I'm not trying to be a downer, it can absolutely work if you want it to. I'm just saying, it's no walk in the park. And if you're having the same trouble we did, it's ok, you're not alone, you're not "abnormal"! We had SO many people telling us "well if you can't make it work apart for a few months, you're OBVIOUSLY not right for eachother", but anyone who sees us TOGETHER sees just how in love we are, there's just something about the distance that brings out the worst in us!!

 

BUT despite all that, despite the screaming, the crying, all that, we're engaged to be married, we tell eachother we love eachother about 50 times a day, I can honestly say I can see myself with this guy for the rest of my life, and that is the happiest picture I can come up with. HE is my "happy thought". It can and does work, if it's meant to be then it will But destiny needs you to put the time in too