Exes coming out of the woodwork!

Why do exes seem to show up out of nowhere once you get in a committed relationship? This has happened to me in EVERY relationship I've had from middleschool til present. Is it just me?

 

The last guy I dated (though we were more just friends and never got serious) has decided now- that I'm engaged- that he misses me and is in love with me. He's been sending me reminiscent emails and whatnot.

 

I'm flattered, but annoyed. He's too late, and making me remember the "good times" is just stressing me out. Yes, I enjoyed his companionship....I wish we could be friends, but we can't. FH is not against me having guy friends but he wouldn't be too keen on one who says he's in love with me. And I don't blame him.

 

He keeps saying how "something clicked" in him when my mom died that made him think of me again and now he can't get me off his mind.

 

ugh.

 

How do you handle guys like this? After all these years I STILL don't know!

I ignore every e-mail, voicemail, Facebook friend request, etc. My ex has been trying to get in touch with me for 5 years. Sorry, he blew it.

I agree with Kristy. Too little, too late. It was his loss for realizing that now instead of then. You should focus on your current relationship and ignore anything else.

 

Although this may not be what you want to hear, but if you are being distracted by these things, that might be something to figure out why?

The distraction comes in that for the next year, FH and I are living 500 miles apart, as we always have. And I am lonely. I miss having someone to hang out with. I don't care for that guy in any romantic sense, but he was fun to hang out with. A good guy pal. But otherwise my relationship with FH is just fine. I just miss him is all.

Luckily I am going out with with my MOH this weekend, that'll help me some. This is the first time I've EVER lived alone and I am not used to so much...emptiness. I miss my mama

I think this happens to a lot of people. I had an ex and then friends who I would never have thought wanted more than friendship telling me their "feelings" for me right up until my wedding. I found it amusing. Its nice to know you're wanted, as long as you are already exactly where you want to be (with FI). I think its just one of those things where people want what they can't have.

 

As for you and FI being so far apart, keep leaning on your friends to distract you. Hopefully the time flies until you're together again.

Definitely ignore like the other girls said. Any contact with this person will give him the idea that there is some chance that you can get back together, and you are especially vulnerable living alone for the first time and trying to fill the empty time. This is definitely not a good time to rekindle a friendship with someone like this.

 

Think about it from the other perspective - if FI had an ex like this that he wanted to hang out with since you aren't around, how would you feel? I trust my FI completely beyond a shadow of a doubt, but there is no good reason for him to be hanging out with exes that think they are in love with him.

thanks gals. I guess I need to just cut off all contact even if my end is completely innocent. i don't want him having any false hopes.

I agree with the girls. You do not want to get into the whole it started out inocent and things just happened conversation. There is a reason they are called an "Ex".

I totally understand being lonely. Whenever FH leaves for a business trip, I miss him terribly and hang out with my friends to make the lonliness go away. But good for you for taking a firm strong stance and not giving into those feelings! You are the innocent bystander in this but it's definitely the right way to handle things and not lead him on.

It's simply this - alot of people want what they can't have.

 

Too bad for him!