I think this is my new hangout today. UGH

so then don't change it. if the date is so important and it's too much of a PITA, leave it alone. regardless of whether they can talk to him and email, he's still home, in person, and i can understand why his mom would ask. i agree with rachel, some things are bigger than weddings, and this happens to be one of them - maybe not for you, but definitely for his mother. that being said, she's an adult and can decide whether to attend your shopping event or to spend time with her son.

I agree that his mother would want to see her son because to her that's priority, that is her child. For you picking your dress is priority and that is fine. I would keep my appointment and if they come good if not fine. It's not like their not coming for a good reason and I don't think they should feel like you should feel the same way about seeing you FBIL as they do, your relationship with him I'm sure is different. What did you FI have to say about it, my feelings and his would be most important.

I can honestly say if it were my brother coming home from fighting for our country and I got to see him in person and hug him and know for sure he is ok, I would. You have your plans, stick to them. They can make the decision as it gets closer as to whether or not they can make it. That isn't your problem. But I can tell you now if it were between hanging out with my brother for a day or see my fsil try on a dress my brother would win every time! Sorry, just hang in there and stick to your appt.

He is home for 2-weeks. He will not be home each day! I would want so see my brother also truly! However, I know he would not want to stick with his sis by his side when he has a FI and other obligations. I would not expect him to just chill with just the fam and thats it. Im keeping my appts my only thing is my FMIL seems upset about it. Im sorry but I will not continue to keep changing my plans. After talking to my FI he agrees with what I am saying. We both know he wont stick out at home. He will spend a few days here and there but he has a FI to be with and friends. My FI knows how important it is to me to have my mom and FMIL there but when it comes to his brother they bend over backwards. If he was just out of state coming to visit for a couple weeks it would be the same way War or no war we are always placed on the back burner.

Im not trying to come off like I dont care he is over seas fighting the fact is I know he wont be home each day!!!!! I care about him and his safety and I will be glad I can see him too!

My really main issues is Im getting a guilt trip. She is telling me how sad she is and whatnot. Again im not chaning my appt but I know she wont be happy with me!

I understand how feeling like you are being put on the back burner can hurt and her putting you on a guilt trip. Like someone else said you can't please everybody and life must go on so if you and FI agree on keeping the appts then so be it and people will have to get over it. I wouldn't strees over it maybe when the day actually arrives they will check with his schedule and if he already has palns then she may still go, I just wouldn't even think too much about it anymore. She has her feelings about the situation and you have yours and it doesn't make either of you wrong, it just is what it is!

Thank you guys! Like I said I will keep my appt. I already have people who have taken off work and I paid for a private showing. No matter what this is for my FI and I. I just want to find the "one" to look beautiful my for FH.

My DH was in Iraq for 14 months - starting just a week after we were engaged. He, too, got his 2 weeks of R&R, just like your future BIL ... and honestly I am taken aback by your insensitivity to what he and his family have been going through while he has been in Iraq. You obviously have no idea what type of stress and anxiety all involved are under when a loved one is overseas in war time.

I would just go without them, especially since you have already paid for the private showing. If they really want to go, then they can pay for the showing. I totally understand her wanting to wait for another time--I've been through a deployment with my FI and it's the best thing ever when they come home, but considering your situation, you can't just change things for one specific person.