are you doing pre-marital counseling

i hope this is not a repeat thread!

i was wondering if you and your Fi are planning on doing pre-marital counseling. i presented the idea to my FI and he completely dismissed it! he said he doens't want to speak to a stranger about our "would be" problems. i think he connects it to religion too. he's not religious at all and really wants to stay away from that as much as he can. i respect that - but i do think it would be good if we knew ahead of time what to expect and how to easily solve problems when they arise.

what did you tell your FI and how did he take this proposition?

We did a retreat, which was somehow "obligatory" for Catholics. There were lots of "counseling" from 3 married couples, but we didn't talk to them / strangers our problems or stance. We talked to each other on every single aspect of a married life. It was great help (to my suprise too ... I was kind of skeptical in the beginning), and we felt like closer than ever. I think everyone should do it.

How's the pre-marital counseling you have in mind?

We decided not to do it. Neither of us really thought it was something that we wanted as we're not doing a Catholic ceremony. My FI is not religious in any way but was willing to go through with it if I felt strongly about it.

I'd recommend simply letting your FI know that it's something that's important to you that you feel strongly about.

We're not having a religious ceremony either but I kind of like the idea of a situation where we can address things that often come up in relationships. My FI was really open about it so we're going to just get a referral from our insurance for a local marriage counselor that does pre-marital counseling. We probably won't see a religious therapist either.

Good luck making your decision and just keep communicating with him about how you feel. It's obviously something that's important enough for you to bring up.

We are seeing a premarital counselor (non-religious). It was my idea, but luckily, fi thought it was a great idea. I am so glad we decided to do it, so far we have had two sessions and some very interesting things have come up. We really like our counselor a lot and she has already taught us some good tools for compromising and expressing ourselves more clearly. I highly recommend it!

I would love to do it, but we dont live in the same state!

Though I belive I'll try to set something up for us when we are still newlyweds, the information you learn are amazing and its just helpfull to have a strong foundation to start off on.

i don't even know how to bring it up again. i don't want to get into another arguement and the pre-marital counseling i would like to do is not religious at all! but then again - where do i look for it in NY? if it's something we have to pay for out of our pocket, we def do not have any extra money for that.

i think that he was a little more hesitant about it becasue the conversation came up when my sister asked me about. she's a born again Christian and she and her husband go to church very often. my FI and i are not church lovers.

how do i present this idea to him again and making him understand that it has nothing to do with religion? i really think i need your help ladies!!!

We plan on doing a weekend retreat. Also we have a book called How to save your marriage before it starts. I believe that’s the title. It is very good. It includes workbooks for both. I highly recommend it.