Will I be a bridezilla if...

I'm not going to go into detail about my opinion on this ... but will instead offer some alternative options for you.

My BM's paid for their dresses - but I made sure everyone liked what I liked and was OK w/ the price ahead of time. If you are paying for the dresses - why not pick out affordable dresses or give the girls a color scheme and a price range and let them pick their own within that price range.

I also let my BM's pick their shoes, I just told them what color.

I also bought their jewelry and had very nice BM bags filled with gifts for them.

They had the option of having their hair done (on their dime) or doing their own. One BM did her own to save $$, the rest made salon appts.

Also, if you said you were paying for your BM's rooms - are they bunking up together or are they bringing significant others? That's awfully generous to pay for their rooms - but it certainly wasn't something we could afford, nor did anyone expect us to pay for it.

There are so many options out there for you and your girls to keep things affordable. Trust me, money was a major concern for me throughout the planning process.

I wouldn't write a contract for my bridesmaids, but that's just me. As my mother always said, "to each their own." If your bridesmaids wouldn't be offended by this and this may be the only way to get them really serious about their commitment to your wedding, then by all means go for it.

FMIL made me sign a contract that if I leave FI then I owe her $2500. (They volunteered to take me across the province to my sister's wedding, then when we got back made me sign a contract stating that if me and FI part ways, I owe them the expenses. We won't get into that.) And surprisingly, I still talk to her. So contracts, although mind-blowing at the time they're delivered, don't necessarily break the relationship.

My opinion is that when people do not have to pay for things... for example a free gym membership, they tend to value it less. So perhaps something may happen in their lives that they would tolerate if they were paying for the trip and still manage to go, but if they are not lossing any money, they may be more likely to bail! Just a thought! If you are certain that you want to pay then I agree with those who think that it is just a risk that you would have to take. Best of luck!

I tried to look at this question as if it was happening to me. In all honesty, if a friend asked me to be a BM I would feel honoured. But then, if presented with a contract, I would feel like she didn't trust me. I'm not sure I would want to stay friends with her... I would definitely have a chat with her to understand where she was coming from, and let her know that by accepting to be in her wedding party I've inherently accepted to pay my dress and everything else (because traditionally, this is what wedding party members do). If at this point I felt our friendship was worth keeping AND I still wanted to be her BM (2 big "ifs" in my mind), I would let her know that I would rather not sign the contract AND pay for my own expenses.

So, in other words, presenting your wedding party with a contract may cost you some friendships, I'm afraid. You have to decide if that is a risk you are willing to take.

I hope it all works out in the end!

Chantal

First off, with that much incentive...gorgeous locale, surrounded by friends, eating, drinking and lounging in the beautiful sun...at barely any cost to them, WHO do you think is gonna flake on ya? lol Seriously. If i could pay for my bridal parties rooms outright, they would have all said yes before I could even get the question out of my mouth. The fact is, a few took their time, thought it through and asked questions because we live in the real world with kids and bills and responsibility. I admired them for it instead of knee jerk responding to me.

I actually think I "get" it as far as why you would want them to. You're...extending quite a bit of additional expense on their behalf. BUT...it's actually YOUR behalf when all is said and done, y'know?

You said you think it's tacky to ask people to be a part of your day and then expect them to pay everything...I can accept that as a personal opinion. I don't question it because after being in my share of weddings, it just is what it is..as soon as I accept being a BM, I do it knowing "OK, wonder how much this is gonna set me back." and I've even REFUSED a couple of offers at times in my life when I was struggling financially because I didn't want to put a good friend in the position of counting on me with the potential of me not being able to come through for them. Show your attendants the courtesy of having that faith in them. BELIEVE they won't promise to be there and back out for any other reason than something they truly cannot avoid. I don't think it's tacky to expect people to pay for their dresses/expenses. But it IS VERY NICE if you can help them out. Absolutely. Would that all of us were in the position to do so...but did I mention I ain't tacky just because I can't? lol

Having said that, you are doing so of your own volition. And most of these girls, if they are truly close friends of yours, would do this without the financial coverage. So, if you're worried about it, give them the option. ASK them to please put a lot of thought into whether they will truly be able to make it, and let them know why...because you love them enough to want to cushion the financial aspect for them to be part of your day, but you'll be out a lot of money on top of the wedding expenses if they just don't show. Stress that you understand ..life happens. I think people can understand a request like that, but not when you want to get it in writing. lol

Hey, better yet...take that photography money you're spending on them, and put it into their trips. If they cancel, chances are (depending upon how you're booking and with whom) you should still get your money back or credit toward another trip YOU and FH can use at some point. I don't see a reason to...worry and stress over trying to..entice your bridal party with free photos if it's going to put you in a position of potentially offending some of them. It just seems like the pics are bait and you want insurance that your line won't get cut before you hook a fish. lol