I dislike my maid of honor

It sounds like she has no issue being rude and stepping on toes. You do not have to be rude, but firmly let her know your decision and the reasons behind it. People you do not have to love your in-laws, only be cordial to keep the peace. While some folks get along great, for others , it is nearly impossible. Let her keep her germ-o-phobic azz at home.

I would do what others on here have said. Sit her down and say you know I felt we had always been very closed and over the past years; it seemed we've drifted apart. I hope it wasn't something that I said or did that made you seem to pull away. I did want to try to get back the same relationship that we had before and I thought that by asking you to be my MOH; we could get back the friendship that we once had and get close again. I really feel that you are uncomfortable being my MOH. If I've mis-read that; then I'm sorry, but if not, please don't feel that you're obligated to be my MOH. I will truly understand. If you still want to be part of the wedding and it's just that you are too busy to get into the details; would you mind if I asked my BF to help me out with the details? I would love for you to be part of the wedding but don't want to put any stress on you to handle the little details.

You must remember the things that you went through with your wedding and I'm needing someone to lean on and get me through the next few months.

I would choose someone else. I can't stand rude people, I know you were trying to do a nice thing but you should be selfish and choose someone who you really like. If she gets upset, oh well. It is about you; not her.

thanks girls I really do appreciate all the words of wisdom. I will update you all on the results,yikes!!

Tamasin

My daughter went through almost the exact same situation.She asked FH's sister to be Matron of Honor to keep the peace and extend a friendly hand to his side of the family rather than asking her closest friend (who is her cousin). After many issues, she also was very unhappy. It sucked not having a close confidante during the planning process. DD ended up asking her cousin to be Maid of Honor (thus having 2 honor attendants). This was the one who picked up all the slack and was my DD's lifesaver.

Sorry I got so longwinded. The point I am getting to is maybe you could ask someone close to you to also be MOH and have two. You would then not alienate anyone but also have someone you like and are closer to by your side.

Best wishes with whatever you decide.