Holidays with the In-Laws

For the past two years, we've had my parents stay with us over Thanksgiving (they live about 650 miles away).

 

Unfortunately because of my fiance's work, he can't travel for Thanksgiving or Christmas. Our first and second Christmas together, I flew out to see my parents and he stayed in town. This year, I stayed in town and celebrated with his family (WAY less stress! His family is amazing).

 

Hopefully you guys can find a system that works for you.

Don't worry about it - you've done it and i don't blame you at the end of the day you have to look after your mum and if they don't understand that well thats just tough x

Would your mom mind going with you both to his family? Or do the not get along?

It's not that they don't get along. They really don't know one another that well. My mother does not want to sit in a house full of people she really does not know. Plus I told her how the previous in-laws would still come to his family function. He has a pretty big family and they celebrate every holiday. Also both of our mother have a "hotess" personality...so I guess it is hard being on another playing field outside of your comfort zone. I know it seem simple and easy since it is just my mother but it has been a big deal and a mitigating factor for the progress of our relationship

I need some love and support right now...I have crashed and burned. I think the wedding is close to being called off. The holiday situation was way too much and th FI has had enough of it. He feels I choice my mother over him and this will continue to be a pattern in the marriage. I don't know what to...I have not been able to eat or sleep well since Christmas, now we are spending New Year's Eve apart from one another and our conversation are only about the business we have together. I would think that he would have cooled off by now, but I have never seen him like this. I can't take it anymore, I'm about to pull my hair out. I'm at work now but I can't even function because my heart is hurting so much. There are no words left for me to say to him other than good-bye and release the both of us from this pain. I really messed up this time!

Oh no sweetie!! That's awful!!!

I understand completely where you are coming from. My mom lost my step-dad almost 2 years ago now and I could not imagine not spending Christmas with her (I am her only child). But this year we had to spend it apart - with the wedding in a few weeks she could not afford to fly here for Christmas & then again to fly out for the wedding. And I could not go "home" for the same reason, plus FI was working over Christmas and I did not want to leave him alone. Luckily my mom has a lot of family around for her to be with - although I know it had to be hard on her, it was on me. We did talk on the phone while we opened our presents to each other though - which was cute.

But...none of this deals with the problem at hand now. I guess you have to ask yourself, do you choose your mother over him?? (I'm pretty sure I would) If he can't accept and understand than it is a big problem for you guys - and something that should be discussed for sure. I'm sorry, I really don't know what else to say except that you shouldn't call it quits without putting in a real effort. What about counselling?? You still have time before you have to make any big wedding plans - take advantage of that time to work on your relationship.

 

All the best.

I have been in the same situation, and always chose my mum...except last year...when h2b and I went to the canary islands for some festive holiday sunshine. I remember feeling rotten for it, and even though I knew my mum had people with her, I still felt rotten. Now my mum is no longer with us, and I do regret going away last year, but I can't change the past...and I done it because h2b and I wanted to.

 

Anyway, I'd say stick to your guns...I know h2b and have spent xmas apart a few times because of the family issues....is that not something you'd consider? We saw each other xmas morning, but not til the next day...and to be honest, it worked fine because we see each other everyday.

 

Hope everything works out for you lady...keep us posted.

 

X

I really think you need to come up with some kind of compromise. Maybe you could spend Christmas eve with your mom and than his family on Christmas. Or could you host Christmas yourself and have your mom over with your fil's?

couldnt have said it better!

Yes, you need to put in the real effort and hard work to find the compromise from both people.