Wedding after thoughts...

So, it's been 3 weeks since we got married in Cabo, and the whole experience has kind of come together in my head (beyond the initial elation) that I kinda thought I should share.

 

Hands down, the most wonderful validation I felt about having a DW was seeing my mom and friends getting along with Rafael's family...I mean, having a supremely kick ass time to the point where everybody wants to get together again next year! Our families had not met previously, so I think this is where a majority of my anxiety came in. I am so glad we did it this way so that our people could spend time together & develop a bond. I love my new family!

 

This experience showed me that my friends really are my family. My mom is my only blood family that came to our wedding. My best friend (and MOH) Courtney was amazing - I really don't know if I could have done it without her. She gave a beautiful speech at our reception full of wisdom that can only be gained through years of marriage (she's been married almost 10 years!). One of my child hood friends, Jessica, sang a Chinese marriage song at our reception...unbelievable! I can't wait to see the video. Basically what I'm trying to say with these little memory tidbits is that having a small wedding was so totally perfect for us. There were all of these amazing moments in time with our loved ones that will never be forgotten, and probably never would have been experienced if we'd had a huge wedding at home.

 

I don't know if there is anything I would do different that was under my direct control. I think that my biggest problem is that I am a type-A personality, so everything was great as long as I was in charge. Unfortunately once the planning was done & events started happening, I wasn't in control anymore! That is probably why I had a huge anxiety attack the day before the wedding. Perhaps if I would have seen that coming I could have done something - hypnosis? I don't know... In a way, maybe that experience was meant to happen to show me a few things: 1)the man I was getting ready to marry is my rock! 2) my MOH is truly my best friend & is so there for me; 3) my mother, as strong as she portrays herself to be, was feeling a sense of loss at her only child's wedding.

 

Beyond the wedding, being able to spend time with people in the days afterward was wonderful for us. It may sound weird that we didn't immediately isolate ourselves to start the honeymoon, but we had plenty of time, so we didn't feel that urge. Most importantly, we were able to have a small family vacation with the two boys - that was so great for all of us. I think it gave us an opportunity to cement as a family unit...we all feel closer as a result.

 

Finally, I have to say that when you marry your best friend, you really have it all! I waited a long time to get married. In fact, I was pretty much resigned to the fact that I would never find that person that I would want to marry. Finding Rafael obviously changed all of that for me...but it took work, and will continue to take work - I am proud to do that work. It is so wonderful to have that feeling of peace and comfort in my heart, sould & mind. I know that I can be myself no matter what, and he will always love & accept me. And I know that we each have strengths that, together, will help us build an amazing future.

 

Ok, sappy I know...but real. I just want all of you girls that are still in the planning phase to know that there is life after planning!! Remember that this is all for the party of your lives - to celebrate unity with the man you love.

Christa~ Thanks for sharing your insight. I think it is all too easy to lose track of the real meaning of a wedding. It isn't just a wedding with flowers and music, etc., but the blending of two families and of lives.

 

I'm so glad that your wedding was a positive experience for you and the people close to you and Rafael. Thanks for putting everything in perspective.

Ok, sappy it might be, but also heartfelt and VERY touching! I'm still wiping a tear (sniff, sniff).

 

It's so good to hear the happiness in your words as you write now from the "other side". Sometimes I get so caught up in the planning of all this that I (just for a second) forget why I'm putting myself through this- to start a life with my true soulmate- and I don't use that word lightly! I'm so glad to hear the triumphs of the week, as well as the lows. It's ok to have a breakdown, and I agree- it was eye opening for you. I'm so glad your DH spent that night with you and reassured you. You needed it. Treasure the first few months as a new wife- it's such a special time. I can't wait until I'm there too!

 

Thanks for sharing your wisdom Christa. I truly value your words and thoughts.

Ok first of all - has it really been 3 weeks already?! Wow time flies!

 

It's nice to hear that life on the other side exists!! I think we all have our anxieties - mine is Aaron's parents, who haven't spoken a single word to eachother when his mom left his dad one day w/no warning. They both "hate" eachother now. They haven't even lived in the same city since! I can't wait to see how that works out! But I'm a lot like you, Christa - in that I have to be in control of everything, otherwise I freak out. I have to have everything planned and organized - and I know this part won't be. I know that they're both civil adults and I'm sure they'll be fine. It's true though - if they do end up scratching eachother's eyes out, at least Aaron and I still have our love!!! (and a good story to tell the kids!)

 

Christa, that better not be like you're forum finale! You're still going to be a regular to the forum, right...?!

Courtney - haha, no it's not my forum finale! Swear! I may not be able to keep up as much as I did while I was planning, but I feel very invested in you girls! I can't wait to see how all of your weddings turn out.

One thought on your weird parental situation...and I may have said this in my review, but these people are adults! They do not need you to hold their hand, or anticipate their difficulties and plan around them...they can manage themselves. Although that sounds completely obvious, I think in a way I felt like I had to make sure everybody was "ok" - like they were all my responsibility. Rafael's brother in law said under his breath at our welcome dinner "you're working to hard" - that's when I realized all of this....

Christa-

Thanks for much for you sharing you insight and wisdom with us. I think I will bookmark this thread, and revisit it everytime I am stressing about the little details

Well, I don't know if it's "wisdom" or just personal experience. But, yeah, I definitely remember begining to lose perspective at some points. And then I'd reel myself back in & remember why we were doing a DW. When I started to feel overwhelmed, I'd try to pin point exactly what was creating that feeling...most often it was some DIY project that I had planned to do & felt like I was running out of time/energy/resources. Once I figured it out, I finally just said "forget it!" Probably some of the best decisions I made were NOT to do something.

Oh - I know they're adults... I just know that they have a lot of unresolved issues that they'd love to get off their chests, and I don't particularly want my wedding (or that week at all!) to be the place to duke it out!! I'll have Aaron call each of them before we leave and tell them that such behaviour is unacceptable. If it comes out - I won't be afraid to tell them to take a "time out"!!!! Hey, if they want to act like kids, I'll treat them like kids!!

That's good that you had your "ah-ha" moment at the welcome dinner. Like all of the sudden "Oh, I realize that I'm not responsible for all of these adults - I don't have to keep them entertained, and happy!". I hope I realize that nice and early too - it's so easy to get swept up in all of this.

I promised myself that if the wedding started to stress me out at all then I'd stop planning - stop what I'm doing - and take a breather. This is suppose to be fun!!! Unfortunately, I've gotten stressed out a few times - gotten upset already, cried a few times b/c things didn't work out my way. I am still having fun though - and for me that's the key! I will (hopefully) never plan a wedding again - this is a once in a lifetime thing, so I need to enjoy this phase of my life!

We've all been there! I took the same approach - step away from the planning when it gets to be too much. And, I won't lie, after it was all over I literally said "I am never getting married again!" Sounds funny, but seriously, I will never put myself thru such an arduous planning process again. Hopefully next time I plan something I'll be able to apply the lessons I learned.

Christa, I always hated it when people said to me "ELOPE! Planning a wedding is too stressful!!" I didn't believe them. Now, I am starting to, and the wedding is still a year away lol! I hope it will all be worth it in the end. I think planning a DW is actually more stressful than an at-home wedding. At least here I can deal w/everyone in person - see all the vendors, the locations, do a tasting if I want to. Planning a DW is all by word of mouth. If someone has said great things about Dreams Los Cabos - I trust them. I can't see too much for myself. Haha - now I'll tell people "DON'T DO A DW! Plan a traditional wedding here!!!" lol.