So stressed about money for wedding

Is your FI a saver or a spender?

Mine's a spender to the core and doesn't think about consequences when he offers to do foolish crap like paying a ridiculous amount of money for something. He's the guy who says...and I quote, "Wedding budget, what's that? We spend what we spend." It's not until I generally sit him down and lay things out for him and say "so if we spend $XXXX on this and $XXXX on that and put $XXXX on our credit card to pay for what you want, yada yada, what are YOU giving up to allow us to do that?"

Last week he was wanting to pay for one of our guests and I said hell no, do you have this new job that pays a lot more than you make now that you haven't told me about, because that puts us $1420 more in debt and a couple more payments away from even trying to have a baby.... he saw the light.

It drives me bonkers being the practical one at times, but he does thank me for it. He seriously does not think about the trade-offs when it comes to spending money you don't have. Maybe your FI is like that as well. Sit him down, talk about how you agreed not to go in debt for the wedding and ask what he is willing to go without to pony up this extra money. Maybe then he'll be willing to talk to his folks about paying for at least part of their trips.

Thanks everyone. You made me feel a little less crazy. I thought maybe it was just me who thought this was nuts so it's nice to know you would all be going crazy too!

The thing is, FH ADORES his dad. And hates his mom. Long story - she left for a while and FFIL keeps taking her back (why I don't know). FH has said a bunch of times that if we could pay for FFIL and not FMIL, we would. But if FMIL didn't come (which she won't if we don't pay), then FFIL won't come. So we're stuck with paying for both of them just so FFIL will be there.

It's just annoying how she expects it and doesn't even say thank you. When we paid their $300 deposit, I got nothing. No thank you, nothing.

On top of all this, FSIL was out last weekend (she lives about 8 hours away) and she brought a friend with her. Not someone we both know, this is the first time anyone has meet this friend (and it's not a 'friend' in that type, just a buddy). Anyway, for our AHR our venue holds 100 max. And we have 130 guests so we've had to cut 30. Whatever, it's what we can afford. FMIL knows this - she watched as FH had to cut people - his childhood friends - from the list. Anyway, cut to Sunday and FMIL is all over the friend saying, 'Oh, you just have to come out for the AHR' 'it will be no fun without you there' and so on. Like WTF?!? She knows we've had to cut OUR friends from the guest list so why would we invite someone we just met once. So know I have to phone up FSIL and say that will we liked her friend, unfortunately she can't come to the AHR.

Errrr!

I'd say the reason FH won't speak to his mother about how she acts is because he has learned to cope with her by ignoring her. But now that you are getting married, he needs to realize that if he ignores her, then you are left to deal with her.

It sounds like talking to the FMIL is not an option. She already seems to be a difficult person and not very nice. Since your FI and FFIL are so close, why doesn't your FI just talk to his father about the money situation. He can just say that you initially planned on helping them out with paying for their trip and paid the deposit. Then just say there have been other expenses come up and you are over budget and can help them out with X dollars toward their trip, but they will need to pay for the rest. Leave the FFIL to deal with the FMIL, maybe she will just stay home.

i am so sorry for this situation. last thing a bride needs is more worry. definitely talk over with your dh and i'm sure all will be well. you're getting married because you love each other and nothing will change that.

See I'd just go straight for the jugular and say right this is how it is we cannot afford to pay for you so either get the cash and or you aren't coming. If FFIL spits his dummy thats his prob and spell it out to him that he will have no-one to blame but himself for missing his son's wedding!

As for her friend just don't send her an invite and tell FMIL when she starts paying for stuff she can comment until that time shut the fuck up!! personally i'd add you money grabbing whinging bitch but that is optional lol

PS breaking her would be a pleasure chick might not be much of her left tho lol

Oh I am so sorry you are going through this 4000 is a lot of money. I would make FI talk to FFIL about trying to help pay for the trip. I would have a hard time paying for someone's trip when they did not think my FI should be marring me. As for the photographer can't you explain to him that you really wanted him and can't the wife stay back in the states? I know you are getting married at Gran Bahia your doing a poolside dinner right, can you change it to one of the resturant to save some money? I know this is a crappy trade but it may help your budget.

I understand about paying for the parents... I have a situation like that, and it is stressful... but hang in there... don't let it ruin the day...

I wish I could send all of you to the in-law's house!

I was talking to my sister about it and we came to the conclusion that there's nothing I can do so I might as well just accept it. FH would NOT get married without his dad there. And FFIL won't come without FMIL. We've cut down our wedding some (jkcz0702, that's why we're doing the mixed grill instead of theme dinner, it's $700 vs the $2400 it was costing). But really, there's nothing else I want to cut. We're not doing anything elaborate, so there's not a lot I can cut. It's just we so wanted to avoid putting wedding stuff on our credit card.

As for the photographer, nope, we get the wife. And I would feel bad having my sister pay part know when the reason she was paying isn't there anymore. It's just frustrating - and now I feel guilty because I don't want the wife to think I don't like her pictures. It has nothing to do with that, it's just that the husband is semi-famous in our house.