Do We need to have a reception at home after?

We are having an AHR but it is not something you have to do. We knew when we decided to have a DW that there were going to be a lot of people that wouldn't be able to come from FI side, then my Nanny & Grandpa and my Grandma also have to miss out for health reasons. FI parents have also split and I don't think it will work with both there, so we decided that one can come to the DW and the other can come to the AHR.

 

For us the DW wasn't so much for the expense as for the location and in the tropics for our big day.

 

Do what is right for you and your FI.

Do what feels right for you. We are considering having an AHR in a friend's backyard just for the friends and family that couldn't make it. It will be totally low key with my dad running the grill. We are just going to get a keg and some wine. We're thinking that we may even do it pot luck style where our friends bring side dished.

Heck no you don't! How many of us even knew what an AHR was before we started the whole DW process? Anyone who complains that there isn't one should have gone to your DW and need to get over themselves...to put it mildly

I have 2 cousins and 2 friends that have had DW weddings, and all but one friend had an AHR. When I mentioned us having one to her, she made the comment of them not having one because it just seemed like a present grab. I pointed out to her that if we were just after the presents, we wouldn't be having the AHR, because it will probably cost us just as much or more to throw the party as compared to the value of the presents. Then I told her that if it was about the presents, I would prefer to save the $ from the AHR and buy something(s) that we want rather than hoping other people will get us things we want and need. I put her in her place, especially since there was a bit of a situation we were just getting over at that time. Long story, but I won't hijack this thread anymore. Sorry!

I don't think so I got married in June in Jamaica and am now regretting scheduling a AHR in July. It is two weeks away and honestly it was like planning a second wedding. We got married away for it to be fun and not so much planning and the AHR is now kinda a pain. So I so go away and enjoy!!

Yeah, I have heard others say that the AHR is a gift grab too...but this doesn't make sense to me - like you said, I can't imagine being able to throw the AHR for less than the value of any gifts you get. I don't know anyone that was thinking about the gifts when they decided to have an AHR.

not to mention most people feel it isn't the "real wedding" anyway, no matter how nice a reception you throw, and will tend to give less of a gift! (where i'm from pretty much everyone gives $$$, not presents, for weddings ... most people know the cost per head of a fancy schmancy affair and give gifts of $100 or more ... don't think i'll be getting that at a BBQ after the fact, ya know?

You are exactly like me...We got married same day and our FIRST AHR is 2 weeks away, with the second one fastly apporaching 2 weeks from there.

I dread even bringing the idea up.

I think if you are having a good sized DW, then it is totally not required that you have an AHR, especially if you invited those people to your wedding. It is a matter of preference. I kind of feel that it may seem like a gift grab like what people have mentioned...that was my opinion on it. But since we are having a DW with immediate family only, my future husband is insisting on having a reception in Calgary where he is from to celebrate with his friends and family that aren't coming to the wedding. We wouldn't be paying for it though.

 

I know even my mother wants me to have one in Toronto where I am from...many of my relatives have been asking about the wedding and want to be a part of it, but I really want an immediate family, small 10 guest wedding. So I may have to have two AHR's!

 

Either way I am not paying for them so I should suck it up and go along with it if it is what everyone wants. I still get to have MY dream wedding in Hawaii afterall!

We are having a cook out after we return, but we are suggesting that people bring a covered dish and we will supply the drinks and meat. My neighbor is trying to get us a jazz band to play for free. I have a huge backyard.