Destination wedding etiquette

ps we paid for children

There really isn't DW etiquette. Traditionally, the only thing the bride and groom are to pay for is bridal party accommodations. They still have to find their own way there!

It is up to your guests, especially with a year+ notice to save up and decide to go. We looked at everything on a case by case basis. For example, a GM is a mortgage broker so has been a little slow. He didn't have the money to pay for the trip by the commitment date so we lent him the money. We did offer each bridal party member a "credit" to help defray the cost of the trip and bought the girl's dresses.

I would say do NOT offer to pay for anyone. Later, if you have the ability and decide together to help out a particular family member who otherwise could not afford to come, then so be it. It's not fair to pay for one side and not another.

You need to use the money you saved to put towards your life together--buy a house, car, re-decorate, invest, etc.

I can see where your FI would want to help out but if you don't have the money, I definitely wouldn't do it. They would have to pay a lot to come to California too, right? We are not paying for anyone's trip including bridal party because we have 8 each but we are helping out a few select people who don't have as much money. The rest of our friends have enough money to take a vacation and are very, very excited! Even my family, who do not have a lot of money, are just saving up to go because they also had a year's notice.

You do feel that guilt every now and then about the DW, but my FI and I decided that this is really how we want our wedding to be and we started out knowing that some people we really care about might not come.

If you were having your wedding in California instead of at a Destinationwould you pay for their travel? They would have to pay to fly out to California anyways so flying to Cabo is not that much more expensive.

Sure they have to invest in a passport but I had guests fly from New Jersey with 7 night stays for around $850 - depending on how early they can purchase their tickets I dont think rates would be that much different from Maryland.

We are paying for my two aunts to come from South Africa.

All very good points. We finally came to an agreement that in the case somebody was in a desperate situation we would help out but not everyone. Since we are giving everyone a year notice and we are not having any attendants (so no money spent on dresses or tuxs) they have more than enough time to prepare for it and if the dont maybe it just wasn't that important to them to be there. yikes I'm sure this is just the start of touchy issues that come with planning a wedding!

We are paying for all the kids in our wedding party (3) to help their parents. But noone else.

We have the same problem but with my family not my FIs. I don't think its too much to ask to save $100 month IF they want to come. We are also having a "welcome home" reception too for people who weren't invited or couldn't come. A BIG expense but we are only inviting family to Cabo. I think if someone REALLY cannot afford it and you REALLY want them there then, yah, pitch in a little bit. Otherwise you can't afford to pay for everyone or else you wouldn't be having a DW.