Not sure if we've broken etiquette here....

This is kind of long, so bear with me please

 

When Colin and I got engaged last August, we decided we wanted a small and intimate wedding, with just immediate family and a few really important friends. In order to make this clear, we decided to send out engagement announcements, indicating our plans and intentions. On the announcements we included a picture, a palm tree, and said "we would be joining our parents and siblings to tie the knot in Maui in December 2008"... (not the exact wording, but something to that effect)

 

We received a bit of flack from my family, but we thought it was because of the DW. I didn't do any planning or thinking about the wedding for the first four months. I was finishing school, and we wanted to enjoy the engagement, so until we hit the one year mark, we just left it at that.

 

Well, we found out around then that my sister wouldn't be coming, and neither would my best friend (likely not for my friend). My sister got engaged at Christmas, and they couldn't afford it with their wedding (same with my best friend, although she was already engaged and I'm her MOH this summer).

 

At Christmas, we started to hear grumbling about "next Christmas" when part of my family would be left out of celebrations... I got the feeling they actually wanted to be invited. Colin and I talked it over, and decided to invite my aunt & uncle who live here, as well as the aunt who always comes out at Christmas with my grandpa (they both live in Saskatchewan with the rest of my extended family on Dad's side). Then we thought we should probably invite my grandma, who lives in Ontario because it would be rude to invite one grandparent and not the other. My mom figured she wouldn't come, but definitely wanted to be invited.

 

In retrospect, I wish we handn't worded our engagement announcements the way we did, because I think we assumed too much about who would want to come and who would be able to.

 

So I spoke to the above people verbally and said we had regretted not including them, and that we would be inviting them. They were all very happy, but I got the impression none of them would be coming anyhow. Now, the only person I did not talk to was my grandfather, because in order for him to come, he would need to have my aunt accompany him. I didn't want to make her feel pressured to do so without knowing what she wanted. She never gave me a firm answer on her intentions.

 

I will be sending out my invitations early this summer, so that anyone who decides "last minute" that they do want to attend, can still organize reasonable flights and accommodations.

 

But, my main question (which I just took way too long to explain!) was, do you think my grandfather will be upset that I didn't talk to him about this before he receives an invite? I feel like at this point it would be a bit awkward to phone him up and tell him (we don't have that kind of relationship. I only see him once a year at Christmas usually). Or should I just leave it and let him respond as he wishes?

 

I am probably way overthinking this!

Just send it out, if you hardly speak to him, its fine.

 

We are about to get a load of flack from FI's side of the family and really, as bad and rude as this sounds, I don't give a shit lol

 

Remember your wedding is about YOU and FI no-one else x

I know, thank you.

 

Some families don't believe weddings are about the couple unfortunately. There are some families who strongly believe that weddings are about the tow families, and not about the couple....

 

I think I will just go ahead and send them out....

Yep thats my in laws to be lmao his mum is getting married again!! on 31st May and i'm not going so persuaded FI not to tell her so as not to piss on her bonfire and open him up to the crap he is going to get but tough its about us

You do what you feel you need to do - it'll be fab whatever lol

my plan if FMIL goes is to get pissed lmao

I think that sending the invite to your Grandfather would be enough. Receiving the invite will let him know what you would have told him over the phone.

 

I made my own invites, and made a few for grandparents and aunts & uncles that we knew weren't going, just so they could have them. Everyone else that we were not coming, I didn't send them an invite. They will all get invites for the AHR, so I didn't feel the need to send to those that expressed they weren't going to be there. Especially when they were encouraging us to go away, and then decide they aren't coming, and those that were given a years notice to start saving but haven't and probably won't (not because they can't, but because they would rather spend it on toys that they don't need or in the casino or drinking...etc)