I need advice - annoying ex of FI

Very good additions to what I was trying to say! I couldn't agree more.

OMG I would freak out too! First of all she really doesn't sound like that great of a friend to your FI - if she really was she would accept you and try to get to know you and not make you feel uncomfortable when they were around each other. I don't think there is any reason for her to remain a "friend" in your FI's life - she has had plenty of chances to make nice and she hasn't done it yet. WTF? So sorry you are dealing with this - I'm sure it is stressful - but you are the one with the ring sista! Good Luck!

I think Becks hit the nail on the head above -- this girl definitely doesn't WANT your FI -- it's the "game playing" that she enjoys...and the more your FI lets her get away with it, and the more she knows it bothers you, the more she'll keep it up. She sounds like one of those girls who "thinks" all guys want her and to boost herself up she has to keep telling herself this and wanting others to believe the same, including you. Thing is, they don't usually want the guy -- they just need to feel in their own warped minds that they could have him if they wanted him.

Honestly, it doesn't even sound like your FI has a bit of interest in her either. Sounds to me like he just wants things to be peaceful since his sister is good friends with her and not have to worry about friction when you encounter her in social situations -- so maybe his explanation was a little off in asking you if the two of you could be friends with her again and he really just meant can you two just be civil with her socially.

As long as he's just wanting you to be civil in social situations, I could deal with that...but as Ann has said, HE needs to set boundaries with her -- and make it very clear to her that it's what HE wants...that he's a grown man and is totally capable of coming up with those boundaries on his own based on his respect and love for you and your relationship.

If she can handle it, great...if not -- it's HER problem. I wouldn't give her a second thought anymore.

This is almost ver batem what happened to a friend of mine and her and her husband split up

 

You need to get this resolved ASAP and BEFORE the wedding, cause it ain't going away by the sounds of it.

 

BOO to BITCHES!!

i TOTALLY agree! remain "civil" but why be friends? let me finish reading the rest of this thread.... i am fuming for u!

NICE! u will have to show us pix! and also, try not to let her get under your skin too. just smile and be merry...as hard as it may be with that douche nozzle sitting at your table. did you talk to him last night?

You hit it right on the head. He did say to me,"I won't be close to her like we were, I just don't want to feel uncomfortable anytime we come in contact with her." He suggested we invite her over for dinner or something and just talk things over and clear all the animosity. That way we all can understand each others feelings. I can guarantee she doesn't "want" my FI. It's the fact that before me, she counted on my FI for EVERYTHING. They always hung out, were each other's dates to everything.. and once I came into the picture, he wasn't as accessible to her. Now there was another girl in his life (me) and she had to be pushed to the rear. I don't think she liked that much. I honestly think that's why she's trying so hard to sabotage us.. because she wants her buddy back and be his "number 1" chick. He's made it very clear to me that he loves me and only sees her like a sister.. and its me he has to live with not her.

girl I chickened out lol We were up all night playing Rock Band and by the time we went to sleep, it was too late to have this long convo with him. I'm gonna try again today.

Do it when the time is right. I hope it works out!

Okay, got it. See, she sees you as a threat and only sees you as the girl that came between him and her hanging out. First, she needs to grow up and get over herself and realize that things change, people GROW UP, and do grown up things -- like getting engaged and starting a life together. She needs to do the same. It really kills me though, that she seems to have to "show herself" when she's around the two of you to prove to herself and YOU that she still has some kind of, I don't want to say hold, but some kind of attachment to him....again, she needs to get over herself.

As far as having her over for dinner so the 3 of you can talk about your differences or whatever...I'd have to skip on that. Ummmm, your FI needs to realize this is NOT a 3-some and needs to stop treating it as such, in a matter of speaking. This is HER problem, not yours -- there should be no reason for you to explain yourself to her, as she should not be any part of your relationship with your FI...and you don't owe her anything. You don't have to be nasty with your FI about it when you try to explain this -- it's just a matter of fact. SHE is the one acting innappropriately when she's around the two of you. If you do come off as uncivil with her when you're around her, geeeeeeeeeeeeeee --- I'd say that her "play wrestling" with YOUR FI is a good reason for that --- again, HER actions are what's causing YOUR reaction. This is HER problem -- NOT yours...treat her civily when she's in your company and be done with it and her.