BM is making me crazy...LONG

I asked a long time friend of mine to be one of my bridesmaids. The first thing she said to me is "it depends." She was concerned about the expense. (She had already booked her trip when I asked her.) I understand her concern, but it hurt my feelings that that was the first thing she said. Now we really need to order BM dresses because my wedding is less than 4 months away. We were going to go together last week and she canceled at the last minute, because she forgot she would have to let her dog out. WTF...Isn't this something you know in advance. And you have a roomate!!!!!!! So now we are supposed to be going tomorrow, but she is not sure if she will get out of work in time. I planned the time around her schedule, and I have 2 other BMs that planned for that time because it worked for her too. On top of that my Jack and Jill shower is next weekend, and she is not sure if she will be coming. She doesn't even have anything else going on. My feelings are so hurt, and I don't know what to do.

She doesn't sound like a very nice friend. If she isn't willing to do everything, than maybe she shouldn't have the privilege of being one of your bridesmaids. Sorry but i have no tolerance for selfish people.

I say F her! I asked one of my best friends to be a bridesmaid and she started that same crap! I have too many people who dont act like that to put up with her. I gave her one last chance to make a fitting that my moh and bm's were making and she never even called back. I left another message telling her that I dont want her in the wedding. I'm done! I even deleted her off my friends list for myspace..lol! I know extreme!!! I just got so tired of it! That is not a friend!

 

Remember, there are too many good people to put of with the crap that some of the bad provide!!!!

Brittney, I can totally relate to your frustration.

 

You may recall I'[ve had some super BM issues and honestly, one of my BM's has not turned out to be the friend I thought she was and I really wish she was not a BM anymore -- but there is no backing out on my part now.

 

If she is hemming and hawing, I think the frustration you feel now will only get worse ... so based on my experiences, I would just tell her not to worry about it b/c it seems too muvh of a hardship. I think you will save yourself a lot of headaches later ... but the heartache will still be there b/c you are going to still be hurt and disappointed.

Isn't something else going on with her that would make her unhappy? It sounds like she's not a happy person. Is she maybe freaked out that you're getting married and not handling it very well? If she's been a good friend for a long time, don't count her out. She might just be going through something and having a rough time...

Thanks Tami...I'm going to see if she ends up coming through this week. If not, I am going to talk to her about it. It sucks either way though.

I don't know if it is something that is going on with her. We have been friends since we were 12. Ever since high school, we stayed in touch and get together from time to time. We mostly chat on the phone. The truth is that we are in 2 very different places in our lives. She is still a party girl that thinks now one our age should be getting married. I am 24. I am much more settled. A big reason why I wanted her to be a BM is that she is the only girl that I have had a long term friendship with. My other BMs are all family. It's really making me feel like I have failed in the female friend department with all of this going on.

Don't feel bad about failing in the female friends department. You haven't, dont worry. You have plenty of female virtual friends here :~) lol

 

One of the sayings that I keep near to me is, 'People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime'. I had to learn the hard way who some of my 'seasonal friends' were. I have actually lost someone as a friend who I grew up with as well throughout this planning process. She was causing me waay to much undo stress during what is supposed to be one of the happiest times in my life.

 

What seems important to us as brides, are defitenly not some of other people's priorities (regardless of what they may say) But, I defitenly agree that you should talk to her and explain exactly how you are feeling. Especially since she has already booked her trip.

 

Hope this gets straightened out :~)

It kind of reminds me a of me a bit, but I never ditched my friends like your BM seems to be doing. But most of my friends started having babies about 5 years ago, and I was so far from that place. I couldn't even go visit them at the hospital when they had the babies. It just made me feel like I couldn't breathe. Don't get me wrong, I was there for them, I bought them baby gifts, I went by their houses to meet their babies. But I was completely freaked out by it...to the point where it felt like I was having an anxiety attack.

 

It was worse when one of my free-spirited, travel-around-the-world friends told me that she was having a baby. It just brought up a lot of self-reflection and I couldn't figure out why all of my friends were ready for that stage of life and I wasn't. At all. It took me a long time to realize that it was okay for me to reach that stage on my own time and that it was okay to not want the same things other people my age wanted.

 

I didn't ditch them, and I helped them out when I could - I love them all very much - but I was completely having an internal freakout during that period. And looking back, I really regret not going to visit them at the hospital after the birth.

 

Her behavior probably has nothing to do with you. She may just be working through her own stuff. Different people reach different phases of life at different times and it sounds like she's just a little behind you. Don't count her out yet. I've now caught up with my friends and we are all in a very similiar stage now. I just had a lot of traveling to get out of my system first.

 

I do hope she can put her own feelings aside and realize that even if she's not ready, you are, and she should be there for you during this time. Part of friendship is accepting who we are and where we are in life and supporting each other through it all. I hope she comes around and does that for you...

Oh, and I just saw that you said you feel like you've failed in the female friend department! You haven't failed!!!!! We're all crazy and having female friendships are hard. Especially in our 20s when life seems to be changing so much. Don't be so hard on yourself!!!

 

I hope everything works out!