Still invite people to DW if they can't go?

I am definetly inviting people that are not going. Only because I do not want them to feel left out. If I were not too invite my grandma.... she would be sad... and we dont want that (

So yeah I dont know your family structure. But I know if I were not to invite those who wouldnt go I think a lot of feelings would get hurt.

We didn't send STDs, but sent out invitations four months before the wedding. We sent it to everyone we would have invited if we were having a wedding at home. We knew that most of them wouldn't be able to make it, but we didn't want anyone that we cared about to be left out either. I think we invited about 150 guests and it looks like around 35 will show up.

 

There were a few people that we thought for sure wouldn't go, but ended up saying yes, which was a good surprise, but there are also a few we thought would for sure go and are not. But I am glad that we sent invites to everyone. It also served as a wedding announcement, since our families are from different parts of the country and not everyone knew we were engaged (we were on a year long trip while we got engaged).

we invited everyone even the ones that we knew that could not come but we are also doing a at home reception so the info about thats was in there so not sure if that helps or not but we wanted them to know that they were special to us even if we knew they couldnt come!

Thanks everyone for their input.

 

I think we'll send out STD to everyone, and then follow up with a note for those who say they cannot come for whatever reason.

 

And we'll send out invites to those coming and the immediate family who may not be able to make it.

I'm still not certain what Im doing in this situation...I sent out STDs last month and in a few months I may send out a reminder postcard for those we havent heard from and havent RSVPd....if guests tell us they cannot come for whatever reason, then initially I wasnt planning to send them an invite. Like another member wrote, if they told us "no" then they may question why they rcvd an invitation anyway....but like I said I havent quite decided what to do yet.

Since I have 12 uncles and aunts, a bunch of great aunts and uncles and a load of cousins and my living grandparents, only about 3 of them I corespond with via email... Im not sure if the others even know how to go through the TA's site! But most of my young friends and family got a quote So I am sending out invitations anyways especially to our aunts and uncles. I really think they would appreciate it. I can see my Great Aunt opening hers and thinking, "how nice that she sent me one." I come from a HUGE very traditional Catholic family that pretty much wants me to have a typical wedding but I dont want them to think that I am totally eloping and running away from it!
I just think that I would stay semi traditional and send them an actual invite in the form of paper! I think that the older crowd would appreciate it. As far as gifts.... we got two of everything and I doubt it that they would send a gift.

It sounds like there are a couple different situations being talked about here.

 

One is - do you invite everyone to a DW that you would invite to an at home wedding? To that I say no. For us that was the major reason we had a DW - we didn't want a big wedding and the only way to do that without pissing people off was to do a DW.

 

The other is - if you sent STD's to people, do you then have to send an invite?

To that...well, we did. I just felt like it was polite. That said, I really like what Jamy did - put on the STD that invites would only be sent to those who respond yes to the STD. As long as you are clear about that to your guests, then I don't think you need an invite. If you don't I think you need to send invites just to let guests know what's going on. If I got an STD to a DW and never told the B&G I was coming, if I didn't then get an invite I would wonder if I was still invited.

 

Just be clear on your STD's what your plans are.

I see, I sent one to my grandmother (who I know wasn't going) for that reason. I have a huge family too, I guess my case is a little different because we sent out 2 rounds of std's.

As a guest if I received a std magnet with a long letter & link to rsvp on the website and said "no", then 2 months later received an std postcard reminding me to rsvp on the website if I hadn't, then a few months later received a formal invite...I would be like WTF is wrong with this person? I know she is getting married, I said I can't come, and again she's asking for a reply...you know?

People know we care and thought about them when they received the stds so hurt feelings never factored in for us. People who did not reply either way also did not receive an invitation (not replying at all is inconsiderate and not worthy of a 3rd mailing!). The side bonus is that we paid under $200 for very nice invitations for the "yes" people, whereas if we sent everyone an invitation we would have easily spent $500+. Other than my grandmother those would have ended up in the trash, and hers may have too...lol

I agree

This is my main question then, what is everyones experience so far on this topic. Do you not invite everyone and then do those not invited get mad, or are they understand since its a DW. We were thinking of not inviting any cousins since most of them are older and already have kids plus we have at least 20 cousins between the 2 of us. I dont want to invite all 200+ family and friends, knowing many of them will say no, but what if more than you plan on coming say yes. Kinda defeats one of the purposes of DW. I just dont want to upset anyone if i dont invite them. Any suggestions?