Three Showers & Bachelorette Party -- Who to Invite When?

FH's best man and his wife are hosting a couples shower for us. She asked me to provide a list of people to invite.

BM is hosting a shower for me, and asked for a list of people to invite.

Friend is hosting a lingerie shower for me and asked for a list of people to invite.

Friend is planning my bachelorette party.

So, my question is -- how do I break up the invitation list? I don't want people to feel obligated to attend more than one and most certainly don't want them to feel like they would have to bring a gift to all these different events.

I was thinking I would just give a couple of my friends names for the couples shower (my married friends) and tell them other than that and our bridal party, that they can invite Tom's friends, since they know who that would be.

But especially for the two girls showers, and since the hostesses are in my same circle of friends ... do I give the same list of my girlfriends for both -- or try to break it up? I asked if they wanted to combine it into one shower, but they don't.

We pretty much have the bachelorette party list firmed up (it's a weekend getaway) ... but I just feel bad that I don't want to leave people out of these things, but at the same time don't like having to provide a guest list for so many different things.

Any suggestions?

why can't the two friends combine the lingerie and regular shower? I personally would be overwhelmed by all those showers/parties. I even combined my shower and bach party into one. It was just too much for most of my friends

hmm well I guess just invite everyone you want to, and people will come to what they can.

Such a tough subject.

Is there anyway you can convince your friend and BM to combine efforts? Perhaps if you tell them it is really weighing on you they will work together.

If it is one too many events let them know it is too stressful for you and make them work it out. If you don't mind all the partying I say embrace it, their intentions are good...and you could always have the opposite problem of nobody wanting to do anything for you.

As for guests, hmmmmm.... The ones that are in the same circle of friends will know about both anyway, so I guess give the same guest list for both.

I think my only concern would be like yours, I wouldn't want people thinking they need to come to each and bring gifts. Maybe you could contact invitees outside of the circle (email is easy) and give your disclaimer. Something like "My dear friends insist on throwing these events for me. It will be great to see everyone but I certainly do not expect people to attend them all or bring presents." There's a better way to say that but my brain is fried right now....lol

Maybe someone in your bridal party can do that for you. You have a wedding coming up!

I agree with Jamy. If the friends are the same, feel free to invite them all to the same events.

It is nice that your friends want to do this for you, but also kinda selfish that they won't work together. A shower isn't suppoed to be an added stress for the bride! Perhaps you can just tell them to talk to each other about the planning and leave you out of it, but give them the master list of who all should be invited and let them figure it out.

Yeah they should really work together...especially if they are friends...I have done plenty of those where a few of us worked together on everything and the best part about it was it was a lot cheaper when you have many wallets working together!!

If they refuse to do it together maybe at least on the same day? It would make for a long day..but if it's the same people...then you can start w/ the regular shower festivities and then afterward go into the lingere part of it so that way if there are some who aren't invited to the lingere like mom or FMIL...then they can leave and proceed. Or even combine the lingere one w/ the bachelorette weekend...they go together..

This way they are somewhat coordinating like the food and stuff..but games or what not for each can be at the discretion of the individual host??

I just think that is way too many weekend to tie myself up from the wedding planning stuff I will need to be doing when it gets so close!!!

Ok, I just emailed the two girls again and asked that it might be easier for them and for me if they could do the showers together.

Hopefully they will take the bait!

I like Michelle's idea of having the lingerie party at the end of the shower. This way people don't have to stay if they don't want. It's nice that so many people want to have things for you but it can be a little overwhelming. Good luck with it.