Off Your Chest

Dear Self:

Stop being mean and bratty to the people you love and whom love you the most; Just because they love you unconditionally does not give you freedom to take everything out on them. For every emotional "withdrawal" you make from the love bank, you should double the "investment."

Dear FMIL: I know you have two sons and cannot hold a conversation with other females without taking everything the wrong way....but you are pushing me away with all of this wedding "etiquette" crap...do I strike you as the kind of girl who thinks endlessly about how to address things or who's name should come first I was raised by a single mom and am paying for this wedding almost entirely by myself....MY NAME COMES FIRST YOU PRETENTIOUS HAG!! Oh and BTW....I purposely bring up conversations about my lack of underwear or raunchy topics just to make you feel uncomfortable....you need to get laid.

Dear FI: I don't appreciate you enough. You put up with my endless emotional rollercoaster. I promise give you more Lovins and bake you cookies.

Dear self - Please stop being so sensitive and take everything too personally, and stop whining about everything, and get ur butt off the couch and off the computer and do something else, and go to bed early so you don't complain about not getting enough sleep in the morning...

Dear FFIL,

Stop being such a selfish ***tard, and put your son's wedding on the top of your priority list! You are alienating your son and future daughter-in-law, and at this rate, you may be uninvited to our wedding!

Dear Self,

Try to be more forgiving of your FFIL's inadequacies. He needs to believe that college girls want him. Its a sickness.

Also, get off the computer and do your wedding DIY's! And pay more attention to your FI. He's wonderful and way too good to you sometimes.

Dear self

Get your butt out of bed in the morning and get on the exercise bike. It's in the other room...stop making excuses. You will feel better.

Understand that your mom is going through a really hard time right now and it's ok if everything is about her. She is still happy for your wedding/marriage even if she is acting completely uninterested and not how you thought she would.

Dear self:

Learn to keep those sarcastic, cynical comments at work just inside my little head.

Oh... and stop hitting the snooze button 4 times each and every morning!

Loving this...need this right now...

Dear husband,

Get your head out of your ass. If you are pissed about something, talk about it. But do not insult me with the comments you just made like: "why should I feel bad about forgetting to tell you not to get up & take Richard to school this morning when I don't even know what you do all day." You don't know what I do all day? Really. Well let me tell you, I get up & take your dog for a walk and then I take your son to school at 7:00 in the morning. Once I get done battling the traffic that makes the round trip take a full hour (it's only 14 miles r/t), I come home & do all the dishes that are left in the kitchen. Then I switch the laundry around. Then I go to the gym & work out so I can continue to impress you with my fine taught ass. Then I take a shower. Then I dress, do my make up & hair so I can look fantastic for you when you come home (ok, it's mostly for me). Then I search through your craptastic boxes looking for your W2's for the last 2 years because we need them to get a fricking mortgage. Then I talk to the 2 mortgage brokers I have working on our stuff & ask intelligent questions so we can get a good deal. Then I go online & do remote work for my former employer so I can still make money. Then it's time for you to come home, whence I am the sweet supportive caring wife who asks you how your day was & rub your feet. Then I cook you dinner. I think you get the point.

Like I said, DH, get your head out of your ass.