So mad I could scream!!!!!

Going to rant a little bit - sorry ladies

My FFIL has taken responsibility for paying for 3 family members, as well as himself to go to Jamaica. Sounds great, right? Well, the thing is that he is Mr. Moneybags, until he actually has to pay the money! He has bought some VERY extravagant things recently (um... hello... who really owns a limo?), but has not booked plane tickets for everyone. In fact, we laid out the money for everyone's room deposits 2 months ago. With a lot of nagging, we got most of that money back - not all mind you. He has the money, but he keeps saying things like, "I'll buy them Monday..." Well that's been for the past 3 weeks. Now the 3 family members are contacting us about their plane tickets. They know we're not the ones paying, but since we actually live in the same city as FFIL does, we're the contact points.

Thing is, FI is upset, I'm upset, and now we're getting upset with each other about it. I'm totally frustrated, because we really want him to be there, and airfare is going up. And what happens if he does buy the tickets and then pulls this crap in December when the room balances are due? We don't have an extra few thousand to put out to get people there...

Honestly, the fact that he laid out a ton of money on other things before buying tickets to Jamaica is just really hurtful. Everyone else booked months ago, and the flights are getting full and expensive. FI won't say it, but I know he'd be completely crushed if half his family (including dad) weren't there - and since everyone is counting on FFIL to pay, I don't think they're budgeting for paying their own way.

Argh...

that stinks, I know my dad is not good with a lot of things like this, so sometimes when I need to book a flight home he just gives me his cc# and tells me to let him know how much I spent. I had my mom's cc# too just in case I ever need to book anything or needed to use it for wedding stuff.

awww that's a crappy situation you and FH are in... I don't know what to say or recomend. So he bought a limo but can't pay for the 3 tickets? That's weird in my opinion.

Well try as hard as you can not to let it create problems between you and FH. I know it's a rough spot to be in... that you shouldn't be in the first place BUT I guess time will only tell.

Is FFIL a trustworthey guy? Has he had money issues in the past? Only reason I ask is that if he is trustworthy I wouldn't worry too much, I think he would pull through. If he's not I dunno maybe he talks the talk but doesn't come through. Ahhhh I don't know. i'm so sorry you're in this sticky spot. I hope it all works out. Keep us updated.

Oh boy that is upsetting. It would be one thing if he never offered in the first place but you cant offer something like that, tell the other family members they are all set, and than not follow through. I think you might need to say that nicely to him if you havent allready. Maybe forget the fact that he is mister money bags and put it in terms that he would relate to, like "I know this is a lot of money for you and we appreciate it, but we should book the flights now and pay the room balances off to insure that x y and z can definitly come before things get too booked up, if it is a matter of not having the time to do it, than we would be willing to book it if you want to give us your debit/cc #".

Thanks for the suggestions ladies We've offered to book the tickets a few times, and he doesn't seem game. And unfortunately no, he is not trustworthy when it comes to money. He occassionally gets a large sum of money, spends it quickly, and then flakes when things need to be paid a few weeks/months later. This is exactly what we're dealing with now... he got a big check, spent wildly and frivolously, and offered to pay for a bunch of people to go to our wedding, but hasn't put that money out. My big fear really is that when the room balances are do, he (and 3 others) will look to us. I guess having dealt with this before makes it all the more frustrating...

We've tried talking to the other family members, and having them talk to him as well, but he keeps telling them no worries - its taken care of. Our wedding will be perfect even if its just the 2 of us. That being said, I know FH wants his family there and I feel really bad about the situation.

I know it's really hard to see the distress this is causing your FI, which in turn, causes stress on the two of you as a couple. I think the hardest thing everyone here has had to do regarding the wedding plan, is to realize that no matter what we do, we can't force someone else to act or to understand the importance of acting NOW, not later.

I know this doesn't make things better, or offer a 'fix' to the situation. What I would do, if it were me, is to have the discussion with FI about 'what if's' in order to prepare FI for what might happen with this situation.

Since your FFIL has offered to pay for certain family members, then those family members need to be put in contact with FFIL about their travel arrangements. If they call/email, just tell them the truth--- you've talked to FFIL about the situation but nothing has changed and they need to call FFIL themselves and work it out between the two parties. Maybe if FFIL has to take those calls and sees that it's his ass on the line with other people, he'll realize he doesn't want to look like a schmuck to his own family.

Once those calls are diverted to the appropriate party (FFIL), then I'd sit down with FI and try to emotionally prepare him for the possibility that his father may flake out and leave other family members high and dry. If he can think about this now, it may help to deal with it if it does happen in the future.

I also think it's important to talk to FI and make an agreement between the 2 of you that you won't allow discussions about this subject to cause problems in your relationship. As much as the possible outcome with FFIL might suck, the truth is that it has little to do with you two--- the reality is that FFIL is responsible for taking care of this. I'll say this too about the family members who are being paid for by FFIL---- they shouldn't have put all their eggs in one basket, you know what I mean? It's half their fault too for not setting aside some money as a back-up measure in case FFIL didn't come through.

I hope things work out and FFIL comes through so that you guys can have the wedding the way you planned and without the stress of having to deal with all this even longer...

Thanks for all the advice Getting frustrated with FI's family is always tough becuase I don't feel like I can really vent to him. I know he's upset with the situation, and I'm upset for him as well as for myself (if that makes sense). Having you guys out in cyberland to vent to really does help...

As an update, he finally gave us the CC to book 2/4 plane tickets. He told us to book FI's aunt and uncle - but not to book himself and other uncle (who we are very close to). Beginning to wonder if he's just not coming, which would suck, and doesn't have the heart to say it. If the tickets don't get booked soon, we have decided to buy other uncle's ticket and have him pay us back (which we know he will). FFIL will look like a jacka$$ all by himself in Philadelphia in January. Not my problem.

Have you come out and bluntly said, "You're stressing me out - PLEASE book those flights now!!!" Or maybe you can sit him down, just the two of you, and you can explain to him how much this is stressing out and upsetting your FI.

What about calling the airline and reserving the flights for all 4 people? Then give him the info and tell him all he needs to do is call and give his cc#.

I'm sure you've already tried these things. I'm not sure if this helped you or not.

Well, at least he finally booked 2. It's weird that he wouldn't just book all 4. Can your FI ask him why or would he not do that? I guess just keep on him about it. Sorry I don't have better advice, just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you.