feelin' blue

Well good for expressing your feelings to them on this, I know it was hard!!

I'll be honest, I'm still pretty ticked with your in-laws. I still think it's all about the show for them because if they are saying you won't get gifts without the party but then taking the $$ you do get as gifts to pay themselves back...what's the point?

Plus I'm mad that you got stuck footing the bill for the photographer, favors and maybe more. But I guess it is what it is and could have been a lot worse. You are a better person than I because I would have told them where to put their big, fat AHR! I hope you make a killing and can use the extra money to take a long vacation away from them LOL

You shouldn't be stressed out about an AHR and it's all their fault. You have every right to have an uncomfortable feeling towards them and I hope for your sake that it goes away when the show is over! Hang in there

Wow! I'm glad things worked out (somewhat).

I still feel like it is a monetary loss for you both though as perhaps some of those people would have given you a gift if you didn't have a AHR reception. Now the in-laws get it all! I would also see if you can't get your FI to ask them for the favors- you can tell them it is there gift to guests since it is there party!

I'm glad that you guys were finally able to reach a compromise, even though you're still unhappy about the whole thing and it's left you feeling wary about your inlaws. Hopefully their behaviour is isolated in this case and isn't a warning of how they will try to control you and your FI after you're married! I do have a sneaking suspicion though that they're feeling a little lost about the whole DW plan as it's probably very foreign to them and like a lot of the older generation, they're worried about what "people will say". Since it's going to happen now, you may as well enjoy yourself -- if you can't beat 'em, join 'em! Just make sure they don't talk you guys into making the event more elaborate (read "expensive") than you're already agreed to. Good luck, and let us know how it turns out!

I am happy that things seem to work out. That is good they finally came around and are paying for majority of the wedding and you and your FI are only paying for the optional things. It’s good you aren't counting on the gifts to cover the costs because they probably won’t.

No one can blame you for the feelings you have towards your new in-laws but maybe after some time and after the wedding those feelings will slowly go away.

Good luck with everything and I hope this is the only bump in the road you guys have!

i sure hope this is only a bump along the way. thank goodness we are not going to live with them!

FI asked them to pay for the favours too because we will only do candy or something like that if it's up to us (cheep cheep). They were fine with candy so...that's that. lol, FI asked me "chocolate is still good until May if we bought it after Valentine's Day right?"

Thomasjsgirl, i think you're right, i do think they find the DW a strange thing and worry what "people" will say, but now it really is, can't beat 'em, join 'em.

i'll be sure to post photos of how it all goes down!

you ladies are the BEST! happy Friday!

I'm so sorry and I hate to say it but, it is very selfish and irresponsible of your future in-laws to usggest you start your marriage in major debt to satisfy them. Please don't do it and hold your ground. If people are disappointed, it is too bad. They are not paying your bills. Have a serious talk with your FI so you both are on the same page and stand united when you tell his family that you are not willing to do that.

If you want to pay them back for the deposit, I guess that is fine (I personally wouldn't), but they have a lot of nerve. It is NOT their wedding and they really have no business telling you what to spend your money on. If they were paying for everything, then that would be a different story. It is not worth starting your marriage that way, especially when the number one cause of divorce is finances. I just can't believe this. I'm so sorry!

Rosie,

I'm really glad that things worked out for you... ish.  For the "optional" things, you really don't need to spend a lot of money.  You could have a student photographer if you don't care much about the pictures for this party (unlike the beautiful pictures you will be having at your DW).  Flowers aren't needed and V-day candy would be good enough. :-)

Plus, the party should be a good time and you can spend some time with your friends and family. A wedding is a party... not a fundraiser.

unbelievable!!! we are having a dw it avoid the costs of a traditional wedding

just remember its your day!