Is it OK to scrap the AHR??

We had planned on having an AHR. We booked a hall, told everyone about it and had even started buying decorations etc for it. We got a call in December from the hall we booked with and they went bankrupt and we lost our deposit (it was a big chunk of our AHR budget).

After that it became such a huge cause of stress to find somewhere else (it was way more stressful than the actual wedding), so we decided to cancel it all together. I was so worried how people would take it, but all the feedback has been so positive and everyone understands and is supportive.

It sounds like it's just going to cause you uneeded stress, so I say forgo it - or if anything have an open house when you are settled into your new home.

Thanks for the advice everyone! I've talked to some family and my parents are relieved that we decided to skip the AHR. Apparently they were stressing over it too since it would have been a lot of work for them, getting their house and yard in order for that many people (we were planning on doing something there).

I think we may do a couple very small gatherings to see people who didn't get to go and say bye before we move.

I feel so much better about it after reading all of your posts. I was worried that people would be disappointed but I think they will understand now. Thanks for all your comments.

Glad to hear you've come to a decision that is going to work best for you, Sierra!

To be honest, I am on the verge of having my full-scale AHR in August (and I got married 2 months ago in May), but about 2 weeks after we got back from Jamaica, I was ready to call the whole thing off, even though I had already sent out Save-the-Dates in Nov. '09!

When I first booked the venue, the deejay, the cake baker and the photographer, it was all a "MUST", but after we got back and settled into daily life again, it seemed like such a waste of thousands of dollars! So I spoke to my husband about my doubts, and he said that he thought we'd really regret not having it and that our families would be disappointed, so I decided just to go ahead as scheduled -- but secretly, I AM STILL WISHING WE COULD JUST SCRAP THE WHOLE THING!!

**GOOD LUCK in PA school, as I know it's far from easy to get through, and best wishes with your move! I am sure your wedding will be beautiful, and maybe you just might want to send out a few photos from the ceremony and an announcement to the friends and family you might not have time to see before you leave -- it might be a nice touch to remind them how important they are to you and your soon-to-be husband! Just a thought!**

The AHR always seems like the perfect idea when you are just beginning your planning, but it is hard enough planning one wedding, never mind two! I was totally for an AHR until the Spring when I got accepted into an advanced program to get my early Childhood Educator degree. I started the program 2 weeks before we left for our trip and then was 2 weeks behind when I got back. Planning a party of any kind was the last thing on my mind.

My husband really wanted it because he is close with his huge extended family and they wanted to celebrate with us. Because our family and friends understand we couldn't do anything fancy, they agreed to help out, so we are having a BBQ and everyone is bringing something.

I still am really not looking forward to it. I am taking a 2 year course in 6 months and working full-time. I am exhausted all the time and feel that our DW was all we needed. After much arguing, my husband agreed to do all the inviting and take care of organizing his mother (who means well but is not a planner just a dreamer!). I am not taking part in any planning, just showing up. I feel bad that I don't want to do it, but I can't make myself. It is going to be hard work trying to schmooze when all I will be thinking about is homework.

If you really don't want to do it, and your family understands, just skip it. Personally, small get togethers are more my style and I would go with that if I could. Marriage is a compromise and I'm doing this for my husband and that's the only reason.

I wouldn't have one! If they missed the wedding, then they can look at the pictures or video ... haha

I haven't read all the responses but I skipped mine. I told a bunch of people that weren't going and somewhat giving us flack "dont worry, we will have a AHR." Frankly, by the time the wedding came and went I was over it. Then I started adding up costs for a BBQ for a hundred I said hell no. I don't regret it at all!