BM Issues

"Male Ego", oh my I know a few men in my life who suffer from this not so rare disease lol

I feel the same fate approaching me...My cousin (my closest and bestest) is broke. I didn't originally ask her to be a BM because I didn't want the pressure of having to attend the wedding. I felt horrible though. So I asked her and made it clear that I understood if she couldn't go, but I never imagined my wedding without her in it. She cried and said of course she would because she never imagined either of our weddings without the other. I told her she had 14 months to save so get on it.

Skip 7 months ahead.....can't afford her dress. I volunteered to pay for half. She worried if she can save the money; I reminded her that I would love for her to be there, but I will understand because it was my choice to go to Mexico.

Just found out she's going to San Diego for a mini-vacation.........what the heck?

Totally understand what you are going through. My cousin sounds like your BM. She has severe money issues. There today, gone tomorrow. You honestly can't help those people Julie. They have to help themselves. And try not to take it personal. At least with my cousin, I think she has no clue what money means or how it ends up disappearing. She just chips away at her bank account a little at a time and then it's all gone and she is always surprised. I always remind her like, "Well you did buy a shirt, a purse, a belt, a pair of shoes, a movie." She had no clue. It's called being a shopaholic in a comatic state.

Although it does really hurt she cannot put her disorder aside to focus on saving for your wedding. Apparently she lacks in prioritizing as well. Just try to remain positive and realize that those who are meant to be there will be. You will have a beautiful wedding nonetheless.

*After rereading this, I didn't intend to make light of what your BM is doing. I really do think it is pathetic and very immature. But what I meant by it all is that some people are just that way. You can't change them. I'm sure she was like this WAY before your wedding came along and you loved her anyways. You hoped she could change her habits (and I'm sure she did to) and hopefully she still can save the money, but if not, remain positive. No matter who goes, it will be magical!

About the $$$$ some people say that 2000$ per person wedding is expensive. Do they not know that the wedding is one day and that the rest is a vacation !

My wedding cost 1600$ per person. Imagine a couple spending on a typical Montreal wedding for their friend : wedding couple gift (250 to 400$)

hair for the girl (60$)

Manicure + pedicure (75$)

new dress + shoes for the girl (200-300$)

maybe a new suit for the guy (200$)

having the car washed (15$)

Ok, I have to agree that this is much less than 3200$ canadian but you don't get to be in Riviera Maya for a whole week!!!!!

This topic is very personnal and no true answer would be right... wrong

You can't (in most cases) expect that people would pay the total cost of a vacation...the wedding is only one day !

This is just my opinion.

I just wanted to post an update. I told you all that I sent my BM an email spelling out exactly how much money she needed.

She replied and told me that she really wants to come and is trying really hard to save (even though she has 0 saved in 1 year) and "will let me know in a couple of weeks". Well, the final payments are due on August 21, that is next Tuesday, so she does not have a couple of weeks to let me know. I told her that in the email I sent last night. She does not check her email that often, so I will let you know what she says when I hear from her. I am not holding my breath though.

New question, is it odd for me to ask someone else to take her place? If I asked one of you to be my back up BM would you be offended? Should I just leave it at an uneven number, or ask someone else? I have 2 friends I wanted to ask from the beginning, but had to limit my number to 4. If I ask one of them, then other BM could get her $125 back that she paid as a deposit for her dress. What do you all think?

I don't think it's odd to ask someone else to take her place. Just let them know what you've told us here. You really wanted to ask them in the first place but you had to limit your number of bridesmaids. They'd be helping you out a great deal and that feeling should override any "why didn't she ask me in the first place" resentments.

-Vi-

I don't think I would be offended, especially if you are close friends. But I also think you don't need even numbers. I have 3 girls and 7 guys in mine.

Point being, if YOU think it would be weird to ask one of them, it is fine to have an uneven number in the wedding party. You know your friends better then anyone on here, so how do you think she would feel? Some people are sensitive about things like that and some aren't, so it's hard to say...

Good luck and be sure to keep us posted.

Then don't hesitate to ask her! Then the drama and stress of that situation is over. You can tell the original BM that you NEED to know by Friday (or something) and if she isn't sure, let her know that you will be asking someone else, but you would still love for her to attend as a guest. That will relieve pressure from you as well as her, I am sure. Cuz it has to stress her out to, wanting to come, but not being able to figure out a way...