Devastated

I just cried as I didn't know what else to do. First, my cousin told me she's not coming to the wedding because her boyfriend wants to go to Key West. Ok, I thought I was more important plus I asked her first before the Key West thing. Then, my friend (BM) who has been out of a job for awhile text about if I know about any job openings. Not just any job because I listed several but she said they didn't pay enough so I shut up. Anyway, sounds like she won't make it but then my MOH text me and say she can't make it to the wedding because she has so many bills to pay. First, I cried then I got upset because I'm paying 1/2 hotel, wedding attire and her airfare is free because she works for the airline. So I text that back to her. Then she says that there is too much going on in her life and it would be less expensive for me and I still have my BM. I told her that I don't think she's going to make it and then she says that she has to train so she can't take the time off. I know those are lies.

 

She has been real wacky since her mother died and I'm not sure if that is part of it or not. There is a big fight over inheritance and people she thought she could trust stole her inheritance.

 

But she's my cousin, friend, sister, everything. We have a strong bond because we were sent to boarding school as kids along with my other cousin that I was talking about first. I feel so disappointed and hurt. At one time, we only had each other.

 

I'm thinking of having no one to stand for me but FI brother and nephew is standing for him. I'm afraid to choose anyone else because I'm afraid they will cancel on me.

Wow, this is tough! Seems weird that someone so close to you would do that with everything you are offering her.

I think if you are going to have a destination wedding you really have to be open to the thought of many people not making it. It doesn't mean you are not important to them cause it is a lot to ask of someone. Maybe your cousin just has too much on her "plate" at the moment and doesn't want to commit so she doesn't let you down.

 

I do hope things workout for you,

 

Amy

Thanks! It's just her of all people. Everyone else I expect but not her. She was planning on coming earlier so she and I could go out by ourselves. I'm arriving the Wednesday and the rest of the people is arriving Friday morning or night. We have always been really tight. I was there for her mother's funeral and didn't go to my other's friend's wedding because it was the same day and I felt that she really needed me more. Thank God, my other friend understood because I still feel guilty for that. I think it's her mother's death affecting her more than anything else and I'm trying to be understanding but it still hurts. I was looking forward to the three of us together like old times.

Oh dear,why dont you go and see her and tell her what you have told us.If she is depressed about her mothers death she may and probably is not thinking correctly.Remind her of you were there for her.Just tell her straight but kindly of course.I think when people are low they just think of themselves and she may need a nudge in the right direction.

Good luck xxx

I agree that she's still probably a little messed up from her mom's death. One of my friends lost her mom and she's since decided to binge drink (thankfully, after a few interventions, she's cut down on that) and then tell her husband (who is a great guy) that she's not in love anymore and wants to divorce. But, even with issues and excuses, it still hurts a lot.

 

I hope that these girls realize how stupid and selfish they're being and pull through for you in the months to come, but even if they don't, I would give them a "Well, it was very important to me that you be there, and it does hurt me deeply that you're not coming. However, we knew by having a destination wedding that some people would not be able to come. Thanks for letting me know." At least they're telling you months in advance instead of waiting until the last minute and then avoiding you instead of telling you!

 

The silver lining? You will be there. Your wonderful FI will be there. It will be an amazing wedding. AND you're not having to bend over backwards to accommodate "friends" who may be taking your love and support for granted.

I also think you should talk to her about it as it sounds like there are bigger issues going on with her right now and she probably needs you but doesn't want to bring you into it with so much going on in your life with planning the wedding. There is still plenty of time before your wedding so things may work themselves out before then with her.

 

If she can't make it in the end just be sure to appreciate the ones who are and enjoy your day.

Thanks everyone. I will try to talk to her. I did mention to her before that she needs to see a grief counselor. I'm going to ask one of my other friends to help me point her in the right direction.

 

I've decided to pick someone else as my MOH because I need them to at least choose the dresses now. I'm hoping she'll change her mind about coming as it would be a great getaway for her at least.

good luck with all of this! stay strong!

=)

I talked to my cousin (MOH) and she said that she has training so they aren't allowed vacations the month of training. I decided to not say anything else but I know she could at least take off the weekend. After all, she works for the only airline going into the country from our's. Everyone is just coming for the weekend. She wanted me to put off my wedding till the summer. lol! FI said, for one person?, she crazy.

 

I already decided the date based on a holiday at home so people only have to miss one day at work.

 

My BM is having financial problems so she might not make it. I'm scared to ask anyone else because I'm afraid that they won't make it. I can't afford to pay for my BM because she is bringing her husband and children.