Huge Drama that leads to a dilemma...please give me advice!

Hi Everyone,

I feel stuck and need some outside advice. Back when we started planning our wedding my fiance's brother got engaged after 5 months of dating and married just over a year after meeting. This wouldn't be a big issue but the woman he married isn't really friendly and doesn't try to get to know my fiance and I. After their wedding things with them looked to be improving so we decided to ask them to be in our wedding. Big Mistake! Since then she has been a constant source of stress and doesn't come to wedding related things. She also never seems interested in our wedding stuff and never even talks to me. I decided to talk with her about how I was feeling and used I statements alot. During our conversation she became incredibly nasty and rude and just made me feel awful. She also told me to find someone else to be in the wedding. Because of this I don't want her to come to my bridal shower and did not extend an invitation to her. She has been a constant gloomy cloud over our wedding and my fiance and I have had enough. We told my FI's parents that unless her attitude changes she is not welcome to participate in any of our wedding events i.e. shower, ceremony, reception etc. Now my fi's parents have been hinting that I should invite her to my shower and my FI's brother (also a groomsman) has told my fi's parents that if she isn't invited she doesn't want to come to the wedding. So my dilemma is do I just suck it up and invite her or do I stand my ground. Throughout this process I have continually tried to make things better with her and she doesn't ever try. She also told my fi's parents that I yelled at her and kicked her out of the wedding, which is a total lie! My fiance and I both agree that she doesn't need to be at my shower and our ceremony/reception however we don't want his brother to not come because of her. I just don't know what to do. I just want to finally have a stress free and happy time planning my wedding since thus far being a bride has not been and it's mostly due to her. I just feel only people who love and support should be included in these special events and since she made it clear she doesn't I don't see why she has to come.

Any insight/advice/experiences will be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

Oh my... huge dilemma.. I'm trying to think what I would do.

Sometimes I can be super stubborn and I tend to cut people out of my life who I feel do me wrong. (I'm trying to work on this, lol) Sometimes with in-laws, you just have to suck it up and try to get through it.. (I've learned this since planning our wedding with my in-laws)

There is a lot of compromise that comes with a marriage. And it sounds like your FI's brother will be upset if she doesn't participate in the wedding events.

I guess I'd say suck it up and try to be the better woman, keep your distance from her and try not to let her get to you. If she pisses you off at the shower, then cut her off before the wedding and say good riddance to the b*tch! LOL

Good advice Amygirl. I'm totally like you. I tend to give a few chances to work things out, and if they don't CUT. Something I'm ALSO working on. Years of doing things this way, but I think I'm realizing that life cannot always work like that.

I think for the sake of family sanity, I would invite and keep the distance, as Amygirl said. I mean, what's the worst that she can do at your event? Don't stress about it and let her ruin your mood though. I think that's what I would do.

OH and I have to add- what a b&*(& for lying to your inlaws! That would infuriate me, but doing the invites would at least make you the better woman. You can also keep fingers crossed that she just doesn't show up!

ok normally i am known as the girl who always says DO YOU FIRST!!! and i belive that in almost every case....however, the stupid b*tch is your FI's brother's WIFE. if she doesnt come to the wedding, FBIL probably won't come either. then FI won't have his bro there and thats no bueno!!

so like the ladies before me have said, invite her to the necessary stuff to shut her up, stay as far away from her as possible, but definately kick her out of the wedding party. she already said you should find someone else to fill her spot, so in a nice but firm tone you can inform her that you don't want to take away from her busy schedule so you've found someone else to handle her responsibilites.

if she keeps acting like she's 10, then have FI talk to his brother b/c at some point you really do have to put your foot down and DO YOU FIRST

This is tough one.For future relationships youve got to keep her in.Does she have to come to the shower i dont know!!! does she have to be at the wedding? yes she does.

Now quite honestly she may really not want to be there,but theres no way your going to win this one she was very quick to go and report back to the inlaws.

I think your going to have to kill her with kindness maybe via the inlaws and your husband to b.

What was you asking of her as far as being in the wedding party?

Dont let her ruin your planning or day But you must remember you are the better person so dont give her the ammo to turn you into BRIDEZILLA lol

Calmly ask her want she wants to be involved in VIA the inlaws ask them to ask her as you really dont want to upset everyone (see killing um all with kindness) and go from there.Smile,you will sort it out xxxx

I'm sorry you have to deal with this while you're planning your wedding! My first thought is to exclude her from everything but I guess that is easier said than done. I hope things work out for you.

Thanks everyone! I appreciate the input! My fiance said he supports whatever I decide so that makes things easier! I'm sure it'll work out but it's stressful!

I think for the sake of your FI's relationship with his brother that maybe she should be invited to the shower. You don't have to talk to her. But being the bigger person in this situation is probably the best....I know its hard though

I didn't read any other advice yet, but I think you should invite. Whether you like her or not won't change the fact that she's going to be your sister-in-law. You don't have to talk to her at your shower if you don't want to, but I think you do need to invite her. I know, I know, totally not what you wanted to hear, but you really don't want to start off your new life with this family on such a sour note.