Been There, Done That

Loveisintheair · February 17, 2010

Quote:

Originally Posted by carolina24

Ladies I'm about to rant for a bit, so hang in with me....

FI had been married before. Clearly it didn't work out, but it took me a LOOONG time to be ok with his past. I never thought I would date let alone marry someone who was married before.

So his past is his past and it doesn't affect our relationship. but now that we're engaged, I feel like I'm second to his ex and it sucks!!!
he doesnt make me feel that way, it's the situation. for example, I always wanted to do a framed pic that people could sign at our wedding and that's what he had last time. i wanted to give him a really nice watch for his present and thats what she did. even worse, he invited his parents friends (who live in england) and they arent coming bc they came for the last wedding and its too expensive!

All those feelings and insecurities that I had at the beginning of our relationship about being "number two" are coming back

i feel like it's "been there, done that" and our wedding is coming in second to what he did with her.

I've been engaged before and he says there are things he wishes I hadn't done with the ex and I completely understand, but it's different for guys, you know? I know that he loves me more than anything and all that matters is that WE are together and getting married, but for the little girl inside me that had an idea of what this time in my life would be like, this sucks

Thanks for listening!!!

Malisa...I understand completely!!!! My FI was married before and this is my first. At first I felt like I was walking in someone's shoes. But then I remember they are divorced ( for a reason of course) and he is marrying me. Everything we do is special. But it is hard because even the other day I took him to see DL hughley and he had been several times before and I know it had to be with another women. Ugh!!! But we have to let those moments past.

The only person for him coming is his mom. He is unhappy about it but he said to me and I am sure your FI has told you the same that this about you two no matter who comes. You will be his wife and he will be your husband no matter what.

Destination Scout · February 17, 2010

So glad his parents are coming. I wouldn't give worry about their friends. It was rude of them to make it sound like this being a second wedding had anything to do with their decision. In reality - they probably just don't want to go and/or spend the money. Some people just have a hard time taking ownership of their own decisions.

AlexsBride · February 17, 2010

Aww, I really know how you feel! My FI has not only been married before, but he has two kids with his ex wife! So when I was pregnant with our daughter, nothing was really that bigga deal! Going and registering for gifts, I was so excited and he was like "been there, done that!" But he already knew how to be a great dad, so I guess it was a blessing in the end??

As for the wedding, just remember that she is his PAST and you are his future! Clearly things didn't work out and he has found you! He has probably learned a lot about marriage and what doesn't work which might even be helpful for your marriage.

Try your best to make your wedding unique and your own, but don't give up on something you really love and want just because he may have done it at his other wedding! Good luck!

carolina24 · February 17, 2010

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlexsBride

Aww, I really know how you feel! My FI has not only been married before, but he has two kids with his ex wife! So when I was pregnant with our daughter, nothing was really that bigga deal! Going and registering for gifts, I was so excited and he was like "been there, done that!" But he already knew how to be a great dad, so I guess it was a blessing in the end??

As for the wedding, just remember that she is his PAST and you are his future! Clearly things didn't work out and he has found you! He has probably learned a lot about marriage and what doesn't work which might even be helpful for your marriage.

Try your best to make your wedding unique and your own, but don't give up on something you really love and want just because he may have done it at his other wedding! Good luck!

thanks hon!! that sucks about the kids, not like that but you know what I mean. I coulnt imagine dealing with ex's kids!!