April 2010 Brides

If that's the way your bm is making you feel, then I'd have a talk with her instead of just asking if she wants out. Tell her that you understand she wants to enjoy some of the surprises along the way, but because you need her help and because she accepted your request to be your bridesmaid then there are certain things that you're going to expect from her and she's just going to have to go along with. And then you could add on to the end that if she's really finding herself uncomfortable with how much involvement you need etc then she needs to be the one to tell you that, and otherwise you're just going to continue doing what it is you need doing to be ready for this wedding! I just think that if you ask her straight out if she'd rather not be a bridesmaid then she might just assume that is what you want and have already decided on. Better to put it all in her hands for making any new decisions. Just be prepared in case she says that she'd rather not do it!

I couldn't handle it anymore. I just sent her a msg saying ' I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I've got to know. Would you prefer to attend the wedding as a guest as suppose to a bridesmaid. This way you can wear what you want, do your hair and make- up the way you want and not have any responsibility's and just get to enjoy the day, pls don't get me wrong I'd love to have you by my side but I also want you have a great time and be comfortable so let me know,you definitely wouldn't offend me either way, I'm sorry if I've become bridezilla,I've become stressed weddng wise'

I just a msg back from her saying ' Of course I want to be by your side, what would give you that idea'

My head spinning lol!!! she doesn't get it the poor poor girl (she's 22 stuck in a 16 years old body who's never been to a wedding before)

so I just replyed saying I felt this way because she always trying to change my decisions.. like the hair and how you want to change it after the pictures are taken, and that I didn't plan this whole day for just picture taking but for the whole day and night.

how she wants to add a butterfly clip to the dress once the pictures are taken.. again it's not just for pics, it's the whole day. So I feel caught in between what I want and what she wants. I want everyone to be happy.

she left me another msg saying she's sorry she made me feel that way and it is my day and I should know how she likes to spicy things up (which is totally true!!) but not to worry she'll do what I want when I want for that whole day after all it's my day

Boy and Boy do I feel stupid now. But I guess it's good we got it out in the open.

I am sorry girls for this big vent. But thanks for putting up with me. Much appreciation.

Ugh I can' wait until this is all over with!!!

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Originally Posted by SuzyQ76 Meghan!! so glad the secret is out, but I agree...I'd still hold a little grudge against friends who wouldn't tell me, Your Sis is awesome! Ski weekend, huh. Tracy, your new siggy pic is really cute, I love it! Shortnsweet, love the pics of Vegas!! I can't wait to go. Michele? did I miss something? You're done work? so the LONG commuting is over? What did I miss??

I've never really been a person to ask either. my saying is 'if you want it done right, do it yourself' kind of thing. I guess some girls are different then others when it comes down to BM and MOH some of them are eager to help, and others want to feel part of the guest for surprises.

I'm VERY torn with this too - I have done everything on my own with the OOT bags and I know my mom is DYING to help me and I'm kind of thinking that now with the time off and she's retired I might use her, but I wanted her to be surprised....

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Originally Posted by caribbeanLover I couldn't handle it anymore. I just sent her a msg saying ' I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I've got to know. Would you prefer to attend the wedding as a guest as suppose to a bridesmaid. This way you can wear what you want, do your hair and make- up the way you want and not have any responsibility's and just get to enjoy the day, pls don't get me wrong I'd love to have you by my side but I also want you have a great time and be comfortable so let me know,you definitely wouldn't offend me either way, I'm sorry if I've become bridezilla,I've become stressed weddng wise' I just a msg back from her saying ' Of course I want to be by your side, what would give you that idea' My head spinning lol!!! she doesn't get it the poor poor girl (she's 22 stuck in a 16 years old body who's never been to a wedding before) so I just replyed saying I felt this way because she always trying to change my decisions.. like the hair and how you want to change it after the pictures are taken, and that I didn't plan this whole day for just picture taking but for the whole day and night. how she wants to add a butterfly clip to the dress once the pictures are taken.. again it's not just for pics, it's the whole day. So I feel caught in between what I want and what she wants. I want everyone to be happy. she left me another msg saying she's sorry she made me feel that way and it is my day and I should know how she likes to spicy things up (which is totally true!!) but not to worry she'll do what I want when I want for that whole day after all it's my day Boy and Boy do I feel stupid now. But I guess it's good we got it out in the open. I am sorry girls for this big vent. But thanks for putting up with me. Much appreciation. Ugh I can' wait until this is all over with!!!

Csn you maybe have one of your more mature BMs talk to his one to let her know how a BM is supposed to act? Or send her some articles from The Knot? At least you know her heart is in the right place...Let it all out..that's why we're here!

meghan, thank goodness for your sister and that your FI's party is a ski weekend. was that necessary to keep from you? sheesh! don't people realize how we worry and stress!!

tracy, i'm so sorry that you've gone through all of that with one of your bridesmaids. it almost sounds like she needed the clarification of what a bridesmaid needs to do!

also found out that girls aren't rsvping to my bachelorette party yet because they were worried about the cost of the limo. too bad that my MOH can't figure out the limo price without a headcount! she told me the cost of the limos for just 5 hours and it is unreal!! we'll definitely be researching some other transportation options that are budget-friendly!

my information books (to put in the OOT bags) are officially printed and DONE!! cross it off the list!

Thanks Michele! I think I got my point through to her today, but that would also be a good idea and I'll keep that in mind if she gets out of check again lol I'll get my MOH to talk to her and let you know 'bridesmaid duties' worse of all, I bought a bridesmaid book and gave it to her so she would know what to do and what would fall on her lap as far as responsibility.. and I was still put in this situation with her. But I think in the end she understands it my day and that Ive been planning this for 2 years.

It's just so much easier to do what you want when you have great support like your FI. It was a big decision when I had to stop working, I would have never have done it if the FI didn't agree.. but he did agree to support me due to my health issues. I'm very blessed. And don't worry you'll get use to not woking in to time.. the real problem is going back to work. I am not sure how I'll handle it as it's been over 2 years since I worked.

I think you mom would rather help you and be a part of anything then to be 'surprised' I know thats how my mom feels.

My mom doesn't work and she lives too far away to help with every day stuff so she's just been DYING! Because I made my own aloe bottles but didn't know the prices or places to buy, I got her on it since that's something she can do regardless of where she is pretty much. I think what helps is that she knows that even if she were closer, I'd probably still be doing things the same way and also that we're really not making a big deal of everything so it works out in the end.

I would LOVE for FI to feel secure enough for me to take some time off work. Granted that I'm not the kind of person who could do it for long, but I'd love to have a job that had more variable hours than just being in an office all day. He even thinks that pretty much as soon as I've had a baby I'll be heading back to work (not even using up the one year maternity!!!) and that's that. And nevermind that a lot of day cares won't even take infants under 12months or more these days because of liability. I sure hope he changes that tune down the road!

So does anyone plan on trying to have a baby right after the wedding, or there is no plans, just see what happens?

It must suck so much for you and your mom Meghan to live so far apart. I am not sure I'd handle that with my mom, I am an only child.. she calls me at least 5 times a day lol!!!

At least she lives 20 mins away, not a walk over. But I love her to death!

I guess try to tell her as much as possible, which I am sure you already do!