Had to finally get it out!!

Hello ladies, I've been lurking around here for months, the information on here is absolutely amazing!!! But I have been doing more reading than I have been planning!! So here is my situation. We were initially going to do a Vegas wedding back in Oct, but my heart wasn't in it, so we decided to wait. This past week we started discussing the wedding again (we've been engaged for 9 years, living together for 8, we just never seem to have made the "wedding" a priority until now!!). So we decided on a location and a month, yay two major hurdles out of the way, so I thought. I am in absolute panic/fear mode. I have no idea where to begin, what to do, who to talk to. Ladies, I know I haven't said much but please help. Every time I think of this wedding I feel my blood pressure rising, my heart starts to beat fast and my eyes well up with tears!!

 

Oh since I'm sharing I might as well keep going. So we have also decided who we want to attend, it is going to be very small 10 people including us. So I called my sister to share in my excitement. I do realized that we didn't pick a very economical place to get married (Nassau) but it means alot to me that is why I chose it. I told her no pressure, if you can't afford to come I completely understand, its ok. Instead of doing some investigating and letting me know if she can come, she has offered me 5 other locations that would fit her budget better!!! And to top it off, she asked if I wanted to do a double wedding with her and her FI!! (I'm not sure but I really hope she was joking!!) I think I've ranted for a bit, sorry its so long, but I really needed to get that off my chest! Plus I have mother issues!! But the mother is for another day. LOL!!

One thing you'll need to do is learn to do what YOU want to do. There are SO many posts on here of unfortunate things happening, such as people not wanting to come. I know myself I have gotten more of a backbone after reading all the posts from these strong people on this forum. This is what I'm doing and if you can't be happy for us and celebrate our wedding then we don't want you there.

 

As for your heart racing - start by making a list of everything you need to do and want to do and cross them off one by one. Let me tell you by reading the forum your list will grow almost daily ha ha

 

Hope everything goes well.

I hear you. I felt like that the first month or more after we set a date, too. It was so exciting but stressful and I felt like I was on a roller coaster- way up one minute and totally freaking out the next. Don't worry or over think things too much and stick to what you and your FI want and you'll do fine. After a bit of wedding obsession I found everything just fell back into it's proper perspective- you'll most likely find the same thing will happen to you too.

 

As for your sister just do what you want to do- and for goodness sakes nip that double wedding idea of hers right in the bud if that is not 100% what you want! The first thing that came to mind was that this was one of those "ha, ha, isn't this a funny wacky idea, unless you agree in which case I'm serious" situations; you know, she's half joking, half hoping you agree.

 

Good luck, you'll be fine and we're all here for you!

Everyone on here is great for bouncing ideas off of so be sure to visit often! Definitely sit down and make a list of what YOU want and stick to it. It is so easy to get sidetracked by everyone else's ideas and wants. I hope Melidell is right about the wedding obsession easing after a bit so that life returns to normal - I am starting to dream about reception sites and flowers...!!!

OMG, 9 years Just do it! I think that at this points it just has to feel like a huge deal instead of something fun and exciting. You obviously love this person and what to be with them, so on top of writing down your priorities for your wedding, perhaps you should write down what you think causes you to react that way to the idea of planning this wedding. What is causing you to panic? What feels so overwhelming? What would make it feel easier? You can always ask for help if that is what you need, or share what needs to be shared, or simplify anything that needs to be simplified.

 

As for your sister, you should thank her for her input, having taken the time to do so much research and for trying to help you. You say thank you to that, let her know that you hear her concerns, but let her know that this is your wedding and that this is something that your man-to-be and you have chosen to do and hold close to your heart. All that you can hope is that she will understand.

 

With DW, there will always be people who think that it is too expensive, too complicated, too this or that. Try not to let it get to you. I know it's hard, but you waited this long for this, so make the most of it!

Wow 9 years! It it time girl. Try making a list of everything you have to do and want to do, it might make you feel more in control. As for you sister.... I really hope she was joking as well!! Good luck planning.

It will ease up- I promise. The rest of your life will start to regain it's proper perspective soon! My obsession with this forum still hasn't gone away though lol.

I'm going to happily disagree with you on this one. FI and I will have been together for seven years when we get married and it's very fun and exciting! Not quite nine years, but still. Plus no cold feet stress at this point at all. Although there is that feeling of relief that we're finally getting it done! I totally agree with the advice in your post, though- maybe a bit more thought about what is causing all of the panic is in order here.

You've been ENGAGED for 9 years?? Jeepers, how long have you been together??

 

Ok, my honest opinion, based on what you have wrote, is that even though you're finally getting married - the wedding isn't really something that is too important to you. Yes, its a wedding and its a legal and official commitment to each other, so it definately IS important, but whats made you put it off for 9+ years? Cause I'm assuming you guys were together before you got engaged. And honestly... I'm sure that everyone who you're inviting is very close to you guys and probably views you as married already. So why make a huge deal out of it now? Obviously you don't REALLY want to make a huge deal out of the wedding - or it would have been more of a priority, and you would PROBABLY be doing something a little less small and intimate.

 

So my opinion is first, don't sweat the small stuff. This forum can be VERY overwhelming - especially if, like me, all you want is a small, simple, intimate ceremony. You CAN leave all the details to the resort and the wedding coordinator. So take a breath, and decide what YOU want for your wedding.

 

Second, talk to your sister and find out if she was serious. Double weddings can be very heartfelt and special. If you are really close to your sister, you may want to consider it. After all, if she is willing to share the spotlight (even if she hasn't been engaged for 9 years) and you are super close, AND you don't really want this to be a big thing, and neither does she - maybe it would be a good idea.

 

The most important thing is to do what you want to do to make your wedding special. If that means a small intimate ceremony with just immediate family and friends, then so be it. If that is a double ceremony with your sister and her FI, then ok. But its your wedding, you can do whatever you want.

 

Also, I'm in Ottawa too. If you need help or suggestions or anything, PM me and I can give you my contact info, or provide advice. I don't mind helping out.

 

Good luck! Take a breath, relax, enjoy yourself. Hopefully you'll only have to do it once!

Thank you so much for all your responses, I have been rereading everything. It seems to calm me down and reminds me what is really important - ME!! Its going to be hard but i want what i want, and i definitely don't want to share my spotlight (she's already been married once, and has only been engaged for approx 1 month!), plus a double wedding are you serious? how do you have a small wedding with her close friends and my close friends. The subject hasn't come up again so i will just leave it unless she mentions it again. we were chatting at the time and my response at the time was just a "LOL"

 

bholthof - wow how did you get all that out of what i thought was a simple post. But you hit the nail right on the head. A wedding hasn't been a big priority there has just been so much going on that we never took the time.

 

I really don't want to make a big deal out of it, we just want a very very small intimate ceremony on a beach with some friends, my sister would be the only family member there (my mom doesn't know that we are planning, and she doesn't travel and hates the heat)

 

My biggest problem right now is location, I would like a quiet location away from the big tourist hotspots, which i thought i had found but i can't seem to get them to email me back about available dates, this beach is very special to me, we had spent alot of time there snorkeling and playing in the waves, the beach though is sometimes not kept up (sometimes garbage and alot of seaweed)

i guess i keep reading all the posts here, and i guess i feel maybe guilty that i am not doing certain things for my guests seeing there will only be 8 of us, everyone is so detailed and so into the tiniest of detail.

 

I do have one small request bholthof can you help me out with were to go and look at wedding dresses, I am new to ottawa and really don't know where to go, the only one i know of is the bridal store off of rideau st (haven't been, chickened out!!) And once again, thank you all for listening!

Goodness! Well, there are lots of places to go to look for dresses - which part of Ottawa do you live in? I can maybe help you narrow it down a bit that way...

 

Although honestly, I didn't do a lot of dress shopping - I did go to a couple shops to try on the different styles, but wound up loving a dress I saw online and I bought it for $150 on Ebay. However, I DID go to dress shops to try on the styles so I could have some idea what actually looked good on me!!

 

The shops I went to were All that Glitters Bridal in North Gower (about 1/2 an hour outside Ottawa) because I met up with my sister who lives in Kemptville, and North Gower was about half way. I also went to Dominique Levesque Bridal on Carling - although they have a shop in Gatineau as well. There were a couple others I would have hit up if I hadn't loved the dress I got, so let me know where abouts you are and I'll let you know whats close!

 

THere are a couple brides on here from Ottawa - I'm sure between us all we can help you out!