Biggest Destination Wedding Stress factor - what's yours?

My mom keeps trying to invite people. Her philosophy is that they won't come b/c of the expense, but that it's good to invite them anyway. And she says that if they do come, she'll make sure to pay for the extra expense. What she doesn't seem to understand is that it's not all a/b the money (I mean obviously the money matters), but more importantly, FI and I want to keep it INTIMATE!! I don't want a bunch of people there that I don't really know...or that know nothing about us as a couple. That is one of the main reasons that we decided on a DW!!! Oh mothers, you gotta love them...I wonder if I'll be like that with my kids??

My biggest stress factor seems to change every day!!! Today, it's definitely the room rates! I have literally been feeling tightness in my chest and shortness of breath... this is crazy!

We are trying absolutely everything possible to bring the room rates down for our guests but they're still not as low as I'd like. We are promising to bring over 150 people to the hotel (!!!) but the freaking place still wont budge!!!!!

I guess the bigger factor is that I feel guilty about asking our guests, esp. certain families w/ kids, to pay to attend our wedding. We have yet to formally announce the date, hotel, details, etc. but I'm already bracing myself for the response. Fortunately, my FI and I are from opposite sides of the country so at least 1/2 the party would have had to travel ANYWAY but still... my FMIL (though I love her) has dropped subtle hints as in "well, if you'd been getting married in a hometown, at least SOME ppl would be spared the expense..."

sigh.

I'm already tired and we have yet to put down a deposit!!!

Well I have a couple of stressors, but booking has not been one of them. My TA was starting our announcements for us on Wednesday...on Thursday she logged in to double check her facts and there was a good seat sale going on....saving $300 pp. The sale was only for 5 days though! So we put everything together in less than 24 hrs...ok a little stressful...and within 4 days had 32 adults booked and 4 kids. The only people not "conforming" is one of my cousins who is staying at a time share nearby with his mom and gf. We have a few people who want to come, but are waiting till a bit closer to make sure they can afford it. I hope they come, but if not...well we decided to do a DW in order to keep it intimate.

MY biggest stressor has been my WC. At first I thought she was awesome, but thanks to this site I have all this info on things like prices etc. So when I get told something is only $20/hr or $8/person and then she send me info saying the $20/hr does not exist it will cost me $400USD and that it is really $18/person....I find that frustrating. That part of the email annoys me....I am a bit of a control freak about this sort of thing and sometimes am tempted to just phone and get this all sorted out in one long expensive call so that I can go back to my DIY projects!

All I can say is Thank Gosh! for this forum!

Raykel.... I know what you mean about getting conflicting prices. I found that issue most obvious when I was trying to get prices with a TA so we just didn't use one.

You'd mentioned just calling your WC to work a bunch of stuff out and I thought I would mention that the best way to do that is buying a CiCi calling card. They have probably the best one around... no connection fees and I think on my $20 card I got something around 400 minutes which has been more than enough for the handful of calls that I've had to make to Mexico so far! You can pick them up at most convenient stores or gas stations. Sorry for sounding like a commercial but I hope it helps!!

sorry, double post...

The problem I am having is people telling us they are going to the wedding when we know they aren't. When i asked my MOH she was not preggo. Then she found out she was, but didn't tell me for a couple of months. I was so happy for her when i found out because of some issues she had, but the problem I had with all of this was she emailed my mom right when she found out she was preggo. asking my mom what she should do. My mom informed me of all of this and told me to just wait and let her tell me. Well she kept asking what dress she was going to wear and where she could try it on. Knowing the whole time she wasn't going. She finally told me that she was preggo and would not be able to make it and I was so happy for her and the first thing I told her was how was I going to be mad at her for getting preggo. That is her life.

Now we are some what having the same problems with my FI best friend. They kept saying they are going to the wedding when the wedding is brought up, but then the next min. they are talking about how they don't have any money. Then they make the point to tell us about all the trips they are taking. I understand everyone has their own lifes and that is fine by us, but please just be up front with us and let us know either way if you will be able to go or not. Our feelings won't be hurt, but we just need to know.

My biggest stressor is my mom.

** BE PREPARED FOR LONG RANT **

1) She calls my younger brother, who stays with me, and goes on and on about how it's a recession and no one can afford to come to the Bahamas, and that NO one on her side of the family is coming, and that I should just have it in Baton Rouge, LA. Which is strange, because my uncle, her younger brother, is already making plans to go. My grandmother bought a $1400 stove last month... yes just the stove was $1400. Then she takes it one step further just to be spiteful and says that no one is going to come to my wedding including the bridal party. She doesn't even know who is in the bridal party. My brother tells her that the bridal party is staying with us in the beach house and has already paid their deposit, and then she is once again speechless. Then he tells her that my aunt, my dad's sister, is coming, and when she finds out she's coming, then she says she might come but she has to check her finances. She can come because my aunt is coming, but she can't come because I AM HER ONLY DAUGHTER. Just LAST month, she was going car shopping for a new car, because her MERCEDES was acting up, and she has TWO other vehicles that she barely drives. My younger brother has been with me since July, so she hasn't had to pay his $400 rent and give him money for food. Then, she asks about my husband's side of the family, and my brother, I don't know why, told her that we were paying for my FIL to come and he's staying a week in the Bahamas in the Beach House with us and watching my son. He's 66, retired, and doesn't care, he's just happy to go to the Bahamas and spending time with his grandson is a BONUS. My FIL raised my husband by himself so of course my husband is going to make sure his dad is there. Then she was like, maybe if she paid for me, I would come...now she's jealous. My FIL lives on Social Security and in no way could afford to come on his own, plus he is the Best Man. My mom is a software engineer and gets paid more than I do. She has failed to realize that I could care LESS if she came, and would rather prefer if she didn't, because I don't need her negativity and selfishness. She can either continue to b***h and get uninvited or just save her money, come to the Bahamas, and shut it up!

WOW!!! It's funny how everyone seems to think that DWs are "stress-free"!!! I sure did before I started this whole adventure. I hope we can all help each other remember that in the end, there are only 2 people that really matter--and they'll both definately be there

on a sidenote, I am so sick of not getting emails returned!!! I mean do these people want my money or not I know that different parts of the world have their own ideas of customer service, but it's so hard to be patient when all you want to do is decide between 2 photographers so that you can put down a deposit!!!!