Engagement party? ARH?? HELP!!

So my FI and I live in Portland, OR and my family lives in the Washington DC area and his family in Kansas City, KA. We are having a destination wedding in Cancun 10/31/10 and hoping to keep the guest list small--around 50 people (only family and very close friends). My parents mentioned that they would like to host some sort of celebration at their house pre or post wedding which would allow them to include some of their close friends who will not be invited to the wedding.

Based on everything I have read it seems it is not "PC" to invite people to your engagement party who are not invited to the DW?? If this is true then it seems we have to have an at home reception? This would mean we have to have an AHR during the 2010 holiday season which my FI and I would both like to avoid. We just aren't sure we are going to be able to use more vacation time so soon, $$, etc.

What would you do Did people have engagement parties? Bridal showers? AHR Who did you invite??

HELP!! Thanks :-)

I was just talking to my mom about inviting people to the shower who aren't invited to the wedding.

IMO I think it depends on who it is and your relationship with them. I think especially with a DW, it would be fine for your parents to have a party/celebration for you guys. It's not like you are doing it begging for gifts they just want to celebrate the happy occasion. With a small guest list people will understand you are just doing family and close friends.

I don't think you need to have a AHR especially with your family from all over the US it would be like another "destination wedding"

How about having a celebration of your wedding in early Spring 2010? That way the holidays have passed and you will have had some time to accumulate more vacation days. It doesn't necessarily have to be a full reception, just a fun party so that your parents can celebrate your recent marriage with their friends.

The reason we decided on mexico in the first place was because, somewhat like you, guests will be coming from all over the world. Some of my family who lives a little closer to us asked if we were doing an AHR. I've just told them that we completely understand if they cannot make it to Mexico, but we don't have the resources (time, money, energy) for two weddings! (i.e. destination and at home reception) But everyone is invited to Mexico. So I guess that is how I've skirted the issue. People who cannot make, but who want to celebrate with us, will be able to do so at the wedding shower my grandmother is planning for us.

PS: We now live in portland too!!

We had no money to do an AHR and honestly, it would have been another DW because they are every where. Over the holiday season, we are having a small get together (cookies and spiked eggnog) for local friends and work colleagues at our house. We are calling it the "Merry Happy Congrats x 2) because I celebrate Hanukkah, he celebrates Christmas, we got married in Oct and he is finishing his MBA in december.

Keep it simple... if they come to other parties, I think everyone will see that as their chance to celebrate with you.

We just did an engagement party this past weekend and had a great time! Our families live in different cities on the other side of the country. We kept it simple, invited friends and co-workers - with whom we have the intention of inviting when the time comes, we know that all of them won't be able to make it but it was just nice to have a party in recognition of our engagement. We also told people we didn't want gifts but no one listened! We'll be drunk from now until the wedding!