How many times have you heard this...

[JUSTUSTWO]

I don't know whether I should be offended or what, but I've heard this too many times in the last 24 hours & can't figure it out.

 

I've been venting about how dissapointed I am with the low turnout for our wedding as its way less than I expected due to everyone initially saying that they would definitely attend.

Well its funny that everytime someone has called me to tell me that they can't make it, at some point in the conversation they say..."Well, although I can't make it, I am definitely going to send you a monetary gift". Uhhh....ok! I think to myself "And you say that because....do you think I'm expecting it Do you think that makes up for you not coming" What am I supposed to say to that? All I've been saying is, "that's really not necessary, but thanks for the thought!!!"

If my FI knew I was saying that, he'd totally kill me!!! LOL

 

But really, I don't know what to make of it or how to really, really respond!

[A10CalGal]

Wow, I never heard that one! I say take it!

 

But I know what you are saying, as if your invitation was only to solicit a gift of some sort when in reality you really wanted these people to come celebrate your day.

[JUSTUSTWO]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Christa Wow, I never heard that one! I say take it! But I know what you are saying, as if your invitation was only to solicit a gift of some sort when in reality you really wanted these people to come celebrate your day.

Exactly!! And like I said, I didn't think anything of it at first, but then I had like 3 people say that to me at some point in the conversation. I'm like, do they think that its only about a gift or money.

I mean, these are friends so I think they'd know that its all about their presence & not a potential gift. Hell, if it was alllll about money & gifts, we'd be getting married right here at home. My FMIL asked us one day if we realized that we were gonna lose out on gifts/money from people who are coming because their travel expenses were so costly that they probably figured that being there was a gift enough & no one would afford to give us money too! We both told her we could care less about the potential money or gifts that we may be missing out on.

[foxytv]

I would tell them what I put on our wedding website -- that we much prefer their presence over their presents. But, I think most of us wouldn't turn down monetary gifts. But I wouldn't hold your breath. They told you they were going to come to your DW, didn't they -- but they're not? So, don't expect any $$$ to actually show up.

[JUSTUSTWO]

Quote:

Originally Posted by foxytv But I wouldn't hold your breath. They told you they were going to come to your DW, didn't they -- but they're not? So, don't expect any $$$ to actually show up.

Oh gosh...EXCELLENT point! Hadn't even thought of that.

[JABride]

That's so funny. I got the EXACT same comment today ... My girlfriend said that she can't come but will send me a gift (I never even brought up the subject of a gift)... then she asked where is my gift registry since she did not see the info with my invitations. I told her that I did not send registry info with the invitations since my guests presence to my wedding is our present. But I still told her where I was registered (since I initially registered to some stores for those that insisted about giving us gifts).

 

At this point, I am not stressing about it as long as I am marrying the man I love, everything else is just a plus. I know it can be a 'bummer' but the people that truly care will make an effort to be there -- which will make your wedding that more precious ...

[JUSTUSTWO]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JABride That's so funny. I got the EXACT same comment today ... My girlfriend said that she can't come but will send me a gift (I never even brought up the subject of a gift)... then she asked where is my gift registry since she did not see the info with my invitations. I told her that I did not send registry info with the invitations since my guests presence to my wedding is our present. But I still told her where I was registered (since I initially registered to some stores for those that insisted about giving us gifts). At this point, I am not stressing about it as long as I am marrying the man I love, everything else is just a plus. I know it can be a 'bummer' but the people that truly care will make an effort to be there -- which will make your wedding that more precious ...

So glad that someone else has had this happen. And you're right, while it's taken me a few hours to get over all the drama, I now know that in the end all that matters are we do have people who are making the effort to make our day even more special by joining us.

[becks]

It does strike me as odd that people assume that you have a wedding as a massive gift-grab. FI and I are like you - we couldn't care less if people send a gift.

 

The weirdest thing was my FSIL. Within 30 seconds of telling her we got engaged, she asked where we were registering so she could send a gift. (We'd been engaged for all of 5 days or something.)

 

My standard response has been "that's very thoughtful of you, but isn't the reason we told/invited/etc. you"

[Can'tHardlyWait]

I hear where you are coming from, but I would like to offer a different perspective: maybe everyone is bringing up gifts because they feel guilty that they can't be there for your special day. I remember last year I forgot to reply "no" to a wedding of a friend and he actually had to call me to to ask my response. I was so mortified that he had to call PLUS I had to say I wasn't coming... as soon as we got off the phone I went on their registry and sent a gift. Its not that I thought he called for a gift... it was my own guilt at not being able to make it to his wedding AND forgetting to tell him!