shower $ question

[boscobel]

So, since my and Matt's family is so large, we need to have our shower at a place rather then someone's home. (We have about 100 guests. AHHH!) I am very anti-banquet hall-y, so I wanted to find a cool building. Something that was either ethnic or architecurally interesting. My sis (MOH) and I have narrowed it down to a few places. Now the thing I am concerned with is the money. I don't want my girls to have to pay a million dollars. I have 7 girls (3 of them are IN the wedding in Jamaica, the other 4 cannot make it to Jamaica, but want to assist and function as BM's). My MOH is in the beginning stages of a divorce with two small children and no job. Oh, and a husband that abandoned them and moved back to Canada. My SIL (other BM) jsut had her second baby in September and just went back to work PT, but they aren't wealthy. My other BM is in the midst of buying a house. The other girls all can't go to Jamaica due to money and kid reasons as well. So my dilema is, for a Sunday afternoon, what is normal pricing? I don't want a fancy thing. No open bar, perhaps a cash bar. I know I just gave alot of information, but I want feedback from outside people. My sis keeps telling me not to worry about it and they will figure the money out, but I do worry, cuz I don't want people annoyed at the money they have to spend for me. I totally think I am over-thinking this (as I do with just about everything!), but I can't stop myself. So, final question, what should the per person price be for a Sunday afternoon shower at a nice bar or restaurant? (Don't factor favors in, cuz Jill and I will probably make those...)

[starfish kate]

Carly, I'd feel the same way about burdening my wedding party but don't you have enough to worry about? They accepted their roles and I'm sure that you threw (or will throw) each of them a beautiful shower. It is up to them to figure out their budget. When we threw my sister's shower, we had lunch on a Sunday afternoon at a very nice historic inn in Concord, MA. I think we had about 65 people and it was about $22 each with the tax and extras. We did have an open bar with beer and wine and I think that was another $1000. I think all of us ( contributed about $200 each and my mother kicked in the rest. We did not get my sister involved at all because she would have stressed about us spending $$ too.

[DanielleNDerek]

I don't have any exact prices. But I do know a couple of people that had Sunday Brunch showers (baby and wedding) because it was cheaper. I don't know how far you are from South Jersey. But one of them had it at Adelphia's in Deptford, NJ. They have a sunday brunch buffet but it's pretty good. I'm not really a buffet type of person. Another one was at a small restaurant, i think that was a little less than $15 a person. I've been kind of worrying about my shower for the same reason. I too will have almost 100 people there and I don't want anything big. Is there anyway they could have it outside and have like a BBQ atmosphere. It might be too cold depending on when they are having it.

[boscobel]

I hear ya, Kate, and I agree. If I could control my thoughts, I would let it go. But I want to be different to my BM's then the way it was for weddings that I was in, spending a million dollars. I am trying to be conscience of them and I don't want to want something ridiculously expensive and them to tell me it's ok and then struggle to make it happen. I know I am stressing myself out of nothing, but you know how it is when a thought gets into your head!

 

Danielle - I have been to Adelphia before, but it's a little far for me to travel since we will be having gifts to transport home. I live in the suburbs near Quakertown, almost Allentown way.

 

I have a few places figured out. Like one place I like is $21 or $28/person. I wanted to try to keep it around $15/person, but I just don't know if that is possible, so basically, I just want to know if I am unreasonable in my expectations.

[cheese_diva]

What about a few smaller showers? Friends/family or his side then yours.. sounds like you've been more than helpful in planning.. all I knew is when and where to show up..my girls did the rest. They had people bring dishes and it took care of drinks (sangria) and decor...

 

You always hear about bridesmaids complaining everything costs so much.. well, if it isn't your idea of when/where to have it, they'll figure out whatever they're comfortable with and you'll have a great time.

[starfish kate]

Quote:

Originally Posted by carlymcmullen I hear ya, Kate, and I agree. If I could control my thoughts, I would let it go. But I want to be different to my BM's then the way it was for weddings that I was in, spending a million dollars. I am trying to be conscience of them and I don't want to want something ridiculously expensive and them to tell me it's ok and then struggle to make it happen. I know I am stressing myself out of nothing, but you know how it is when a thought gets into your head!

I am totally the same way.... I'd want things a certain way. BUT you don't want to hurt their feelings or insult by setting an expectation either.

[Christine]

Carly, what about waiting until it gets a little warmer and reserving a nice quiet area in a park? You can have it catered or make it a potluck sort of thing. A lot of the kids at my school do this for their grad parties and I swear its not tacky at all. Its a lot of fun.

If you waited until late March or early April I bet you could find a warm weekend day.

[1elephant]

my shower was at a tea house. we had a small meal, dessert, and unlimited tea for $22/pp. there were about 40 women there. it was fun and different. do i wish there was alcohol? course....but it wasn't necessary, mostly b/c it was a tea house. i know there are some in pa, but i dont know where.

[rodent]

I couldn't imagine spending over $100 as a bridesmaid for a shower in addition to all the other expenses. I have thrown one shower, but it was simple & at my house. I probably spent $50 & some other BMs brought food they made. With a group so big, I understand why that's not an option. But, I would consider other, cheaper options. I think it's very considerate of you that you are thinking about your BMs & their situations.

 

As one of many bridesmaids, it's nearly impossible to speak up for yourself if you don't want to spend that much money on any of the wedding expenses. The girls are likely to say it's fine, but just because they don't want to upset anyone. Then people always say they can find a way to afford it. But, often the way people find the money isn't something you'd want your friends to do. I'd feel terrible to find out a friend had charged it on a credit card & paid it off at high interest. Or to learn they depleted their emergency savings, etc. Maybe it's just that they did without a new purse they wanted. But either way, it shouldn't take a lot of sacrifice to be a BM.

 

Even though they accepted the position, maybe they had no idea what it would actually cost. You never get the full expense up front when asked to be in a wedding. Even if they were concerned about cost, it's nearly impossible to say no to being a BM without really hurting feelings. It's a really stressful situation when you have no control over how much money you are spending for a wedding.

 

Another thought is, often the showers are thown by aunts, family friends, etc. Most of us are 20-30 something. It's such an expensive time because people are buying their first home, having kids, paying for their own wedding, paying off student loans, etc. In the weddings I've been a part of lately, it was women other than the BMs throwing the shower. They probably had plenty of disposable income & enjoyed throwing the shower. It was also their only wedding related expense so wasn't as much of an issue. Maybe you have some family members/ family friends who would want to be a part of the planning process.

 

Sorry this got so long. I just always push for keeping it cheap for the bridesmaids. I've been a BM so many times & I've seen a lot of my friends get really upset about the cost of being a BM. You sound worried about the cost & I think as a group we could come up with something that would save your BMs money & still be great. Maybe rent a place where you can bring in your own food/ alcohol. I've also been to showers inside the person's church rec room. And I often see people have several small showers like someone mentioned before. They are usually each thrown by different groups of people. I also like the idea of having it at a park.

[rodent]

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