Venting! Disappointed In Friends

[Ginny81]

I know how you feel 100%  We have gone through a lot with our DW plans as well.  All of our friends had at least a year and a half of planning notice for our DW. So it wasn't a surprise.  I thought I was being smart asking my wedding party well in advance so I knew who could afford it and who couldn't.

 

My best friend since junior high backed out on the deposit deadline as well. But by this time we were in full wedding plans. I had already put a hair and makeup deposit down for her and getting all the girls set up for their bridesmaid dresses. She was involved in everything!!! Then I get an email (to my work account) that her motherly duties are too important and she could make it.  I was so upset and I'm not one to cry at work but it hurt too much.  First she should of called and told me as a friend should? Second why not say that from the very beginning?? If your motherly duties are so important weren't they important 8 months ago too when I first asked you to be apart of my wedding day?  So not only was I out a bridesmaid but I was out my deposits I had put down on her.

 

Like yourself I have many friends who married at a early age and now have a family. I've attending all of their special events, wedding, housewarming, baby showers, birthdays etc.  Hell, I've hosted a lot of these things for her and said a speech at her wedding.  All I wanted was her to be up front and honest.  I sent her an email back telling her how I felt. To this day I have never heard back from her.  It still bothers me.  I thought she was my best friend but now I just see I was HER best friend.

 

Bless my fiancé heart he as been so supportive though all of our wedding drama.  If you knew me I hate drama in my life and I thought a DW would be easier then a wedding back home.  It really isn't .  It's just different drama you have to deal with.

 

I agree with all the girls on here; having a wedding you'll find out who your true friends are. But the people to focus on are the ones who are sharing your special day with you; and to have a true appreciation for the people who wanted to be there but couldn't and were honest about it from the beginning.

 

Best of luck to you.  You aren't alone.

 

 

[LeanneP]

I'm so glad to hear that there are others dealing with this stress and disappointment!  It's so nice to have this forum to go to for ideas, guidance and especially moral support.

 

Our invitations are due to go out at the end of the month but we started "warning" friends and family to start saving a year ago (which I thought was very considerate).  When initially talking about dates, we even decided to go for a longer engagement to make the planning process less compressed and stressful, but also to give my adult stepkids (stepson 25 and stepdaughter 27) an extra year to save.  So when we finally got firm prices and details of deposit deadlines, etc. last month, we made sure to tell them to get their butts in saving mode (in a year neither has saved a penny!).  My stepdaughter said "What your not paying for me to go?  I guess I'll be watching it on Skype."  Seriously?  You're not even gonna try?  Why should we pay for her to go on a week's vacation?  We already have to pay for our own trips as well as the other wedding expenses.  Now I am not opposed to "helping" but I am not picking up the whole tab.  The FI and I had already discussed passing on any airline credits to them and even helping them out if they ended up a little short come the final payment time.  But to not even make an effort to save anything after all her father (my FI) and I have done for her over the years (financially and otherwise)!  It was a slap in the face.  I feel like asking her how she would feel if her father couldn't be bothered to come to her wedding!  Of course, I'm keeping my mouth closed so as not to cause drama but I sure am seething inside.  To complicate things, we were planning to have the kids as our wedding party.  Since my stepkids and I have a relatively good relationship, I thought this was a nice way to show our family coming together.  I'm glad we never got around to asking them.  Judging from some of the stories I've read, I think we might just go without a wedding party and save the drama.  We're very "untraditional" anyway so it's not a big deal to me.

 

Whew.....okay rant over.  Thanks Ladies!!!

[dreamweddings]

@@LeanneP I am sending you a truck full of virtual hugs, as you can tell its quite a common thing.  Destination Weddings will show you true colors of your family and friends.  As much as it comes as a shock.  you just have to keep your head up high and make sure you see the bigger picture. Those who matter will be there no matter. and bottom line you will marry your best friend.

 

Enjoy every step of planning!

 

Joyce 

[KJCoins]

Hope things go smoothly for you Leanne

 

We are waiting to see the full effect of Zika when we send out our invites. 

 

So far I have had one immediate family member bail already and invites are not even out. We will see what happens.

 

Like you we gave people a heads up about cost over 1 year in advance.

[LeanneP]

Good luck to you KJCoins.

 

Luckily, most of our guests are beyond child-bearing years or have no plans to expand their families.

 

When is your wedding?

[KJCoins]

Good luck to you KJCoins.

 

Luckily, most of our guests are beyond child-bearing years or have no plans to expand their families.

 

When is your wedding?

 

Thanks.

 

My wedding is in January 2017. Invitations are going out within the next 2 weeks. So far 2 have bailed and I am possibly expecting 2 members of my potential wedding party to bail as well due to the same issue. Would definitely suck but we will go ahead and see what happens.